Former believers, do you remember the first time you questioned?

Question

I was just thinking about this the other day. Believers won't understand what I'm talking about, even though they'll think they do. :)

But for people that TRULY questioned their faith... do you remember that experience? The moment that you honestly, and wholeheartedly, considered the possibility that there was no god?

It scared the living daylights out of me. I remember, I opened my mind for just a moment, and let the thought come in. And terror overcame me. And I quickly closed off my thoughts again. I didn't revisit the thought again for weeks.

But I did it a couple more times, not being quite so fearful each time. And eventually, I overcame the fear and actually rationally looked at the situation. It was quite a feat for me. Anyone else remember this time?

There are some great answers here. I'm actually going to put it to a vote, though, so some more folks can see the answers. Nice stories from all...

Answer 1

Yup... I was 14 years old and at conformation camp... I had never really listened in church or paid attention in Sunday school or read the bible... I actually listened there... I read my bible... and I ended up disgusted... all of it was just so absurd... then I went through a time of not knowing what to do... so I researched and came to my own conclusions and became and atheist because I thought it was the best religion or non-religion for me!

Now I am 18 and still a proud atheist!

Answer 2

I honestly can't remember the last time I prayed. I think it would have been the first couple of years when I was in college maybe a few times. Its been about decade now I guess. What I remember praying most fondly is the prayer many parents teach, ''now I lay me down to sleep... '' which I would follow with thinking of everyone I could that I cared about to bless at the end and imagine their faces as I did so. It became something similar to how some people count sheep but thinking good thoughts and of all the people I cared about was a positive thinking sort of exercise. I still do a similar thing in a secular way with an adaptation of the Buddhist loving kindness meditation.

Answer 3

I remember being around 11 or 12 and not so much questioning the existence of a god as questioning the idea that anyone had the right answers. I can remember saying prayers that came with the threat that I would convert to something else if they went unanswered. I thought that this was pretty funny -- prayer threats. It all built from that early realization that I wasn't buying what the church was selling.

Over time, I continued to realize more and more that it didn't make sense. I don't remember any eureka moment where I definitively told myself that I don't believe in any supernatural power. It was more of a realization that I hadn't thought about it in a long time, didn't miss thinking about it, and didn't feel any particular need to go back.

Answer 4

The first time I questioned was when I was in the process of interviewing to have my status as an Elder in the church re-instated after my excommunication for sexual transgression. I was worthily living the law at that point and had completed the interview process at the local level. All that remained was for the Bishop to request a form from the main office to be submitted to the Church and an interview with a General Authority. I waited for a year and a half for that form but it never came. Each week my bishop would tell me, "I'll call again and see where it is" and each week yet another disappointment. Finally it got to the point where I allowed myself to open the compartment of my mind where my faith resides to the scientific side. Faith died almost instantly under the light of evidence. For me it hurt for weeks, like the death of a family member. As I recovered and opened my eyes though I discovered a freedom like I had never known. No longer was I weighed down by the convoluted logic I had to use to justify illogical crap. I am happier than I have ever been and I don't need an imaginary bearded voyeur in the sky to feel that way.

Answer 5

For me, it was when I read The Diary of Anne Frank. I was about 12 or 13. I realized that most people are essentially the same and overall good hearted, regardless of what religion they are. I realized that the church I went to would condemn all people like Anne Frank to hell simply for not being a Christian. That made no sense at all to me, that a loving God would someday torture everyone who was the 'wrong religion'. I asked people about it and realized that there were no good answers to the problem. The only answer that made sense was that hell is a scare tactic used to make people convert to Christianity. I realized the only reason I went to church was the fear of hell, and that a faith based on fear is meaningless. That was a scary moment, but it was also very liberating. Then I started a quest to unravel the truth about religion and life. I read Gnostic texts, visited websites about other religions, and started to see the world in a brand new light. For the most part, I consider the journey to be more exhilarating than it was scary.

Answer 6

Um- I agree wholeheartedly. I was only 13. I felt scared, confused, angry at my parents and everyone around me for making me believe in something that they merely WANTED to exist. Christianity was first to go. I held on to theism as hard as I could- but the more I read the harder it was. Eventually I went "religion shopping" to see if there was at least SOMETHING that I believed... it was just more disappointment and exhaustion. I looked HARD for a god... saw nothing- the more I looked, the more evidence suggested the lack of a need for one... eventually the idea that god wasn't there was the only remaining solution... the exact conclusion I didn't want to come to. At this point I was already 19 and moving out of my parents house...

Moving forward with what I knew- I would often find people questioning me about my decision. They would try to argue me into a corner, spewing crap about monkeys and disproving the bible, and so on... The biggest hurt of all was accepting that I was one of few (especially in the very catholic and lutheran town I live in) and would be on my own (as usual) for research and information. An old co-worker tried to drag me to her church one day, so I started reading little non-fictioin books and referances to various scientific studies. I learned a bit about abiogenesis, evolution, basic genetics, eugenics (scary stuff- especially when they start getting into Berkley University at the turn of the century and WWII), human nature, abnormal psychology... anything I could feed my brain with.

Things FINALLY started making sense.

After all that research, I was able to back some of those same people into the wall who were trying to push christ on me before- one of them actually picked up a copy of The Origin of Life- and has read two or three other books on evolution since... that person is STILL a Catholic- btw, but now will readily argue WITH me the nature of evolution when we are cornered by some smart-mouthed Creationist in a bar. After all of that - I am still learning.

I don't have ALL of the answers- nobody does, nor ever will. That was the answer I was looking for all along. Our existance isn't simple enough to fit into just one book... no matter how small the print or how many pages.

Answer 7

I don't have any specific memories of when I first questioned. I don't think it worked that way. Even when I was a kid, and we were in church, I don't think I quite believed it. I did, but I didn't.

I remember, maybe when I was about 4, thinking about what the second coming would be like. But I also remember, as a kid around 6, having little reverence for religious things -- it always seemed like nothing but rules.

By the time I was a teenager, I was a non-believer. I don't think there was ever a moment of epiphany.

It wasn't until I was in my twenties that I really researched religion though. That's when I really became 100% sure that it was all hooey.

Answer 8

I don't think I ever truly believed in the first place. When I was younger, I just thought the idea of God was cool. But I do remember attending church with a friend when I was about eight or nine, and I'd asked her, "What if God isn't real?" And she just turned to me and said coldly, "He is."

I think that was the last time I went to church.

My parents are both atheists, so that may have contributed to my lack of interest and understanding in/of religion. Even as a believer I didn't care that much--I went to church because I thought it was cool. I didn't really feel any different when I officially decided I was an atheist.

Edit: alanagkelly put it perfectly; religion is kinda a foreign idea to me.

Answer 9

I am not a former believer, but I still would like to answer this question about the terror I felt that there may be no God.
I was reading the book "A Skeleton in God's Closet" by Paul L. Maier, and the story plot was that archaeologists found the skeleton of Jesus, with all the marks needed to verify it was his body.
"What if this book is true?" was my question and it chilled my spine.
To me the most striking example of the reality of Jesus is the CHANGED LIFE of the Apostle Paul...a man who persecuted the followers of Jesus and after an encounter with Jesus became one of them. He endured incredible suffering for his faith and still stuck with it.
I have several times questioned my faith while interacting with others on this board. But I have always come back to the fellowship with Holy Spirit in my life and the relationship I enjoy daily with God.

Answer 10

I don't remember it in great detail, but I think one day it occurred to me there were so many religions "claiming" to be the one and only. That turned a light bulb on which made me question, "Well, who is right? We can't ALL be the only true religion, can we?"

Based on the fact that there were so many people who were more than certain about their faith, the element of doubt came to me and I just saw humankind as a bunch of cult followers who will listen to ANYBODY and accept what they say as real. I didn't know why they would just give up their free thought like that but eventually I figured out "mob mentality" combined with the need to belong and be accepted is very manipulating in thousands of people.

After that, I started researching other religions and found all of them were not for me, personally. It's a lonely mindset to some, but for me, I just felt that I was free and was going to devote my life to NOT making my mind up to join one religion and never learning again.

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Answer 11

I do... I was about 8 years old and in Sunday School on a Sunday morning. We were talking about Noah's Ark and I asked how the Penguins (my favorite animals at the time and I knew they were from the Antarctic). I asked how they managed to get all the way from the South Pole to the sandy desert area always pictured when Noah is building his ark.

I was told, "You have to have more faith... it just happened, that's all."

Not good enough for me. I continued asking this question (still a sore point with me) and I realized... no one had the answer, but everyone expected me to just believe it. It caused me to question many other things in the bible.

Now, of course, the fundies and gellies say that god just brought the animals to Noah (as well as made the boat build itself... LOL!). I guess that's partly the fault of people like me who questioned it. They had to some up with SOME story to make it work.