Tantrum question for toddler (16-1/2 months old)...?

Question

Ok, so it goes.... you'd think I'd have this down by now seeing she is my 3rd, but boy oh boy is she feisty and demanding. She's even more strong willed than my other two were at this age. I feel like I've met my match, my little twin. She was born on my birthday, March 14th. My dad told me when I was her age I used to hold my breath and turn blue when I would get mad. Last night she woke me up and decided she wanted to go into the living room at 2am. I said, "no go back to sleep". She threw the biggest tantrum for 20min. Do you think putting her in her crib when she throws a tantrum during the day is ok or will she then associate her crib with discipline? She's too little to stay in "time out" anywhere else. She sleeps with me at night because she's still nursing so she'll be sleeping with me until we're done with that. How do I deal with her tantrums, and how if possible can I avoid them?

The issue here is not nursing and that is a choice that I have made. It worked fine for my other two and they both sleep fine in their own beds. I know she doesn't "need" to nurse at night. I'm asking about the tantrums, not if I should still be nursing my daughter and when. Thx.

Answer 1

My husband used to hold his breathe and turn blue too when he was little. Our son just turned 18 months and he's a fiesty little kid too. You can use the crib but run the risk of associating it with tantrums. I'm sure its hard enough to get her to sleep in it since she's used to sleeping with you. Its great that your still nursing, but shouldn't she be sleeping through the night without waking for food. My son wouldn't sleep through til we moved into his own room and crib. As far as the tantrums go; We have a playpen we use for those moments when our son needs to be seperated from the issue. It's more for me than him though. So I can let him scream and know he's safe and I can go into a another room, so I don't have a tantrum too. Most times he responds well to just removing him from the situation-distraction with something he is able to do. (don't respond until she is calm) I've discovered that he tends to fuss more if I respond to him. Also, try not to let things go one day and then say no to it the next. With time, she'll learn whats expected and whats not. Sometimes though, we just need to think about that our kids are people too. Haven't you ever woke up at night and not be able to sleep? Or haven't you wanted to eat chips and cookies instead of your veggies? I'm not saying to just let her do what she wants, just remember that kids have their own needs ands wants and sometimes they don't jive with ours.

Answer 2

This is going to sound kind of stupid, but I get alot of good tips from watching Supernanny. lol My son is 18 months old. He doesn't throw tantrums or anything. He is very well behaved and it doesn't take much to let him know he was wrong. His vocabulary is also advanced enough to understand most of what I say and also respond back to me verbally. So when he misbehaves to the point that I think he deserves some kind of punishment, I put him in the corner. (This has only happened twice in the last couple of months. I don't do it often.) I ask him to stay there for 1 minute. Obviously he doesn't know what a minute is, and we never last the whole minute, but it's how I get my point across. He knows that I'm mad and he needs to calm down. I'll explain to him what he did wrong and what I need him to do. Afterwards, he'll usually want to cuddle me and we can then proceed with whatever we were doing in a more calm fashion. The one time he threw a tantrum, I put him in his crib and left the room for a few minutes. I came back in and sat him with me and explained what he did wrong. Basically the same procedure as the corner. But this only works if your kid's understanding is advanced enough to get the idea. Otherwise, I would still do the crib thing. It lets them know they need to calm down. If you don't like the idea of the crib (because it's for sleep and not punishment) you can use a playpen. Those are my ideas! lol

Answer 3

my son also throws great tantrum but i would stay clear of putting her in her crib as this may give her a negative association as you stated. try the couch! when my son blows up i just lift him quite firmly put him on the sofa again quite firmly i say absolutely nothing but keep a very stern face as i find that there is no point in saying anything until he's "done" when he's close to done i go to him and tell him why he was put on the couch and then when its all over i let him down and we do something bright and positive i praise him when he's good and this seems to have worked quite well, he's now 20 months old and i can usually avert a tantrum by getting down on his level and turning him to face me while saying listen to mummy and explaining why I've told him no or giving him a pattern of things like for example if he kicks of because he doesn't want to get his morning diaper change i tell him first we'll change diaper then we'll get dressed then you can go out and play and life is much quieter!!

Answer 4

At this age its all about diverting. Tell her no, she's not allowed to throw a fit, to use her words, allow her to try that, and then divert her to something else.

Putting her in a safe contained space while having a fit is a wonderful idea. The crib is perfect for that.

What concerns me is that she's still needing to eat during the night and thus doesnt have her own space. It can cause troubles like this.

But, if that is the choice you have made, no biggie, you'll work through it.

Answer 5

Not sure why she is still nursing, but that might be part of the problem?

My 18 month old eats regular food and takes one nap a day. He is too tired to wake up in the middle of the night. We started "Time Out" around age 14months and its now a threat. My son does not want to go on time out and this what we use to curb behavior.

During a tantrum, remove your child from the situation (what ever it is), take her to a place where it is just you and her, tell her what she did wrong in a stern strong way, but not yelling. And give her a timeout, the amount of time is up to you (We use 10 seconds per month). This seems to work alot of the time.

Then reward you child when they are good, hug and kiss your child when they are off time out, make sure you are both sorry and always kneel down to their level when talking to them.

Answer 6

There are actually 3 seperate issues here that I can see.
1. Tantrums 2. Discipline 3. Bedtime
okay so let's start with the tantrums. When my son used to throw tantrums I used to run behind him and grab whatever he threw, broke, etc. and try to calm him down, then his dr. informed me those "tantrums" are a child's way of getting attention (negative or positive)..his solution was to ignore them (It IS hard, but if she sees that your not paying attention she will have no reason to throw them, right?)

2. Discipline: She is NOT to small to go to time-out somewhere else. My son is 17 months old and we actually bought him a "naughty chair" at first he used to run out, or walk away while we weren't looking, but now he knows that when he's there...HE STAYS..lol
If you continue to use the crib not only will she associate it with discipline but once she gets tall enough or strong enough she will start to climb out and could hurt herself (from the fall). Time-out is kinda like training for sleeping in a "big girl bed" (you gotta keep putting them right back in there w/out talking)

3. Finally, Bedtime....I know breastfeeding is important, but if you continue to let your daughter sleep with you it will be the most impossible habit to break because you will always give-in and she will win.
Contrary to what most believe she is old enough to have a toddler bed. Take her to your local store (where big girl beds are sold) and let HER pick out the bed, sheets, pillow cases, etc. THEN set it up at home..continue to sleep with her at night but let her take her naps in there throughout the day (so she can get used to it). Once she's used to it have her take a few "special toys" w/ her to her new bed, and you couls even go as far as to have her "kiss your bed goodl bye".
You MUST be strong during these next few days though (TRUST ME, I KNOW), but eventually she will understand.
When she gets up in the middle of the night for a feeding just take her into the other room and do it....It is much better for everyone.

Answer 7

She is not too little to stay in time out on a mat on the floor. We started my very strong-willed daughter on a mat at 14 months and she did just fine. If she gets off, we put her back without speaking to her until she stays there for one minute. If she's really upset, she throws herself down and cries, but she stays on the mat. After one minute, we explain why we put there and make her apologize (which she does by hugging).

It works, you just have to be CONSISTENT.

Answer 8

i think that you are doing a fine job. the more important thing is consistency. whether or not she associates the crib with discipline is not important. what you need to focus on is the fact that she is sooo strong willed. and you have to win. confining her seems appropriate to me. you just do what you have to. keep up the good work

Answer 9

Maybe you don't believe in this, but why don't you spank her? Kids that age don't understand time out; it's useless. But they will understand a swat on the butt.