Should i hold on to our relationships even if his parents and culture are against it?

Question

My boyfriend and i are engaged for 6 months, i am french and he is pakistani, we live in Ireland and everything between us was perfectly normal until his brother in pakistan told him that his parents will never accept me as their daughter in Law..Since then, he is distant, and he only sees an end to our relationship...
From his side it's the wind of change in the immigration laws which lately have made it impossible for him to stay after his studies...

I just feel helpless at the minute, and if any pakistani or european could help me to see clearer..If anyone knows what we could do ..Any advice, any help and understanding are greatly welcome

Thanks

thanks for all your answers so far...Seems like i have to go...Thats horrible...

Thanks you all

Answer 1

firstly i think you really need to ask him what he wants to do with the relationship
secondly where does his family all live? if local then a problem, if in pakistan then they are not an important part of his life, but YOU ARE!
i am pakistani born married to a british girl, if you want to talk in private to either of us to discuss it, you are welcome
good luck

Answer 2

Sit down and talk to him. Tell him you need some answers and not any side stepping or evasive answers so that you can either move on or work on building the relationship up.
Tell him how you feel first off, don't beg him to stay if he is against it.
Any relationship that family is against is hard. However, tell him you care for him and that you would like to find out why they don't feel approving of you and how he feels about that. Take an adult approach to it and find out if it is religious related or if it is nationality related. Two different cultures is a very difficult boundary to overcome, but sometimes love can attain it. However, when you marry someone you do marry the entire family in certain cultures.

Answer 3

I feel really angry about Pakistani guys dating European/American girls, and then leaving them to marry a 'pure Pakistani girl'. These guys totally disgrace our country and I'm sorry about that. What a fukn hypocrite...let him go cuz that's what he wants but make sure you let him know that he is such a manipulative loser and that everything he has done so far is against his religion and culture so why is he bringing it into the picture now? Then he'll probably feel guilty later and try to call u for some makeup xxx but u need to be strong and not fall for that. Good luck-I hope you find a way better bf.

Answer 4

Im kinda confused about the change of immigration laws. Are you saying he wants to stay with you after his studies so he can only stay in Ireland? But to the rest of the question he sounds like his mind is made up and u should move on.

Answer 5

Having a relationship with someone from such a different background and belief can be an eye opener. You really need to see the move "Not without my daughter", it will show you what can happen if you marry someone from an entirely different background. Your heart may hurt for awhile, but time does heal. However, if you got married, there may be no way back, and misery, suffering and isolation would be your constant partner, his family will not change and to him it matters.

Answer 6

You know this marriage will not work because you all naturally are going in two separate directions. You having to ask the readers for advice is another bad sign. Go ahead and ignore all advice!! You are running after him when he does not want YOU! HIS FAMILY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU (HARD HEAD)!!!

Do not go crying on your family's shoulder when things do not work out! Women like you always cry after the fact of how they were mistreated by your muslim husbands.

I do not feel sorry for you at all. What part of stupid do you not understand? Hello, where have you been for the last six years? Muslims have their values. It did not come as a surprise to you that his family will never accept you.

How much of you were you planning on changing for this man and his family? Here is a scenario where it is obvious how he feels about you as opposed to his family, and you are ranting about not knowing what to do.

Do you have family? What about them? You should be asking them and stop feeling sorry for your pathetic self. Stop wasting our time!!

Answer 7

If you love each other then dont allow his family to come between you.You will not be marrying his family will you as to the cultures you will have to compromise.Make some rules that religion or beleifs are never discussed on either side.But hold your ground and if he loves you for real he will accept any proposal you make most certainly.

Answer 8

Well, it takes two to make a relationship work. It appears that he is bending to his Parent's will.

It is unfortunate that you are going through this.

Is he Muslim? Is he 'westernized' for lack of a better word?

If he is Muslim and he is from a conservative country, the only way possible to even get on his Parents side would be to convert to Islam. Do you really want to do that?

Answer 9

Well honey, seems like there's not much to hold on to. If that guy really liked you, his parents concerns wouldn't matter much unless of course he's a total chicken, in which case, do you really want to be with him?
In any case, if he only sees an end to your relationship, it's already over. Move on and find a better one!

Answer 10

If you love him then what else matters? As long as he feels the same. If not then there could be problems with family pressures. The pair of you have your whole lives together whereas the family have less. You'll both still be there when the rest have gone. Forget their problems.