in depressed can u tell me a joke?

Question

i'm sad

Answer 1

The Broken Mower

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept
hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had
something
else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf - always
something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I
arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently
for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute,
and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well
sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a
limp.
Moral to this story : Marriage is a relationship in which one
person is always right, and the other is the husband.

Answer 2

Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America..... .do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America .. ....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America .....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America ......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Three young men are taking their final test to enter the Priesthood. Each are given a bell on a piece of string and instructed to tie the ned to their manhood. Once this was done the head Priest opened the door and a beautiful stripper named "Fiona" entered and began a very seductive dance. Not longer after it began Brother Francis began to weaken with her charms...

DING-A-LING-A LING!

The head Priest said "Francis, For Shame! You will NOT enter the Priesthood, I'm sorry now, go hit the showers!"

Fiona continued her seductive dance, and began to strip, and shook her breasts and Peter, Peter began to weaken ....

DING-A-LING-A-LING!

The head Priest said "Peter, you have failed, Join Francis in the showers!"

Fiona continued her dance, only Brother Michael remained, by now she was completely naked and giving the dance of her life, not a sound was heard from beneath Michael's robes. The head Priest was beaming. Frustrated Fiona left the room.

The head Priest said "Congratulations Michael, you've passed, You may now join Francis and Peter in the showers!"

DING-A-LING-A-LING!

Answer 3

I'm a horrible joke teller. haha. There are some really funny ones on this site, though, so just look around!
Feel better!! [:

Answer 4

awwww!!don't be depressed!!everything will work out ok!!
damn!!right now i can't think of one joke!!

Answer 5

how about a short gag?

ghlaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

thank you.

Answer 6

Sorry don't have any