Is it better to HATE your ex ?

Question

My gilrfreind has just ended it with me after 7 years of a rollacoaster relationship.
Shes happy on being freinds.
After 4 weeks no commincation / space, I realise I can't be her freind, i'm sure I'll always have feelings for her no matter what.

Not that I would show it to her or do any thing vindictive, but
should I begin to hate her in order to make to break up easier ?

Answer 1

You can't make yourself hate someone. And nothing ever makes a breakup easier... Time... Lots of time... The healing process is honestly more about self evaluation. Do what you enjoy, stay busy, go for some of those goals that hit the back burner... Now is the time to do it. And as time goes on and you make those changes the feelings will be disappating along the way... It won't be easy... There will be bumps and bruises along the way, but one day you will wake up and realize you survived it and the pain is gone. And if you aren't able to be friends with her cause of your emotions (and right now I wouldn't) then just tell her. You will know if and when you are ready and at that point reach out if you want. Its not the easiest answer or the one anyone wants to hear but it is the truthful answer... Only time can heal those wounds!

Answer 2

It's easier to let go with hard feelings but in the long run your only poisoning yourself. Tell her that friendship is not something you can offer right now since there are still raw emotions and would rather not end up hating her. Space is always good in order to collect your thoughts and not go back for stupid reasons. If she can't deal with that then you need not worry about being friends and she'll turn out looking the the @#% hole.

Answer 3

I've been there. You can't be friends, because you still have feelings for her, and it would kill you when she starts dating. You are best to not be friends with her for a while. Spend you time with other things, projects for school, work, hang out more with friends, etc. Time heals all wounds, and before you know it, you'll be thinking of her less and less. It's not healthy to be "just friends" when you still have feelings for her. Maybe one day when those feelings are gone and you've both moved on, you can be friends again, but it will never be quite the same. Don't hate her, that's never a good thing. Trust me, after a while, you'll find yourself not thinking about her so much, and you'll truly know when you are over her when you just don't care anymore. It will come.

Answer 4

if it makes it easier then by all means to it for a while...but remember that hate will affect you negatively too, you cant have it hangin round your neck forever. yeah dont show her that you hate her just act like she is not part of your life now. i like to think that there is no point dwelling on the past because what is gone is gone and you cant affect it, you can however affect the future for yourself so focus on that and that only. take some time out (like you are doing) and just become yourself again, maybe have a fling but your best bet i think is to get back to being yourself liking being single, because until you are there you cannot fully give yourself to someone else. u said it was getting easier but still hard, this is good because you are acknowledging that you are making progress, so all you need to do is what you are doing and the rest will take care of itself.
keep goin man!!

Answer 5

if you can force yourself to hate someone you are attached to, you're a miracle worker!

why not try to come to some sort of peace over this? you know, there is a grieving process which happens after a break up... and anger, denial and general dislike for the person will come in phases....

it's not easy to feel the pain and hurt and missing the person.. you will always hold a special place for this girl in your heart, whether you want to or not.

it takes time to readjust to life and heal. give those things to yourself -- the right to take time, adjust and finally, move on.. it can take a while to get through it.

be kind to yourself. do things which make you happy, spend time with family and friends, find a hobby or activitiy for some of your spare time, pamper yourself!

hugs

Answer 6

You're only hurting yourself. She won't even know or if she does, it will only give her satisfaction. I'm just ending a 5 year marriage and I feel wonderful. My relationship was a roller coaster also. Hang in there, it WILL get better. And you're right, you'll probably always have some feelings about her especially after 7 years. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

well I believe that if the emotion exists then there must be a healthy purpose for it. tho hate like violence I consider to have very few useful or healthy purposes. I havent found one for hate, for violence only ever in the purpose of defense.

perhaps it may have one here, tho I fail to see how.
hate may make it easier to part company, but it does make it harder to make company. it also reduces your worth, to her, to friends (think about what it say about you), and worse to your self - tho you may not notice how it effects you, at least not for a long time, depending on how long you keep your eyes closed.

sounds as tho you just need space, perhaps forever, perhaps just for a time. tho trying to part company with someone will hurt them any way - too add acting like you hate them to that, will make you vindictive - you sound hurt as is, as she probably is (even if she is not showing it), there is enough hurt in your life and probably hers (no matter how well a person may hide it) why set about adding more than is necessary?

Answer 8

Hating her is a waste of precious time and energy. Just learn to accept the situation as it is. Hating her won't make the break up any easier. It will just prevent you from healing. Hate is never the answer.

Answer 9

you should remind yourself of all the bad things - it should help you keep your distance. she ended it with you, so you are perfectly within your rights to hate her. i hated my ex after 7 years but once i had moved on, we were able to become 'friends' - although we barely speak to each other. it's a cliche but time does heal...and for the moment you may as well get your anger out through hating her and not doing anything else which could be stupid/harmful.

Answer 10

u can do whatever u want but since she just broke up with u...not much is going to work (sorry dont mean to be harsh just realistic)....u need to take ur time and let it go in your own way...it could take months oreven years....i wasin a similar situation and it took me two years to forget that guy even though my friends Pushed me to let him out of my mind every single day....it just doesnt happen that way....u need your time....just think that it happened for a reason and its better that it happened today than 10 more years from now...good luck...hope u get over her soon!!!