Ever heard of a grown up flower girl ( a flower-maid, as I like to call it)??

Question

I want to include my sister's best friend (who is 18) in my wedding, but I don't have any room for more bridesmaids. Since I don't have a flower girl, I thought it would be nice to have her do it, although she would be more of a "flower-maid" because she's not really a girl anymore. She is really excited about it.

Does anyone have any ideas or feelings about this? I don't want it to be really weird; is there possibly something else she could do instead of throwing flower petals to make it seem a little less childish?

Answer 1

I think it's a good idea to include her, but you're right, throwing flowers would be much too childish. Maybe instead of throwing petals, you could have her carry two long-stemmed roses up the aisle, and present them to the mothers of the bride and groom. Or maybe you could get a little girl to do the flower girl job, and let the older girl be a junior bridesmaid. You wouldn't have to add a 'junior groomsman' to walk her down the aisle, and she wouldn't have to have a dress that matched the other ones exactly.

She could do a reading, or, if she's musically inclined, could do a short song. She could hand out programs, be a guest book attendant, hand out the little bottles of bubbles (if you're doing that) afterwards, she could be in charge of making sure your train isn't twisted when you're ready to walk down the aisle.

If you're set on the 'flower maid' thing (I think I would still call it a flower girl, unless she doesn't like that term), then she could walk down the aisle (in the traditional place right before you) and just carry a boquet of flowers, or a basket of flowers, and just not drop anything at all.

Answer 2

No, I think it would be weird. Why don't you "have any room for more bridesmaids?" I mean, this argument doesn't make a lot of sense in the best cases, but considering you're adding another adult into the mix, if you have room for an adult flower girl, how do you not have room for just another bridesmaid?

Even an eleven or twelve year old is too old to be a "flower girl". They're junior bridesmaids. Your sister's friend is even older than the oldest typical age for them.

If I were you, I'd have her be a bridesmaid, even if she's walking down the aisle alone, instead of paired up with a groomsman to keep things symmetrical. Or have her sing or perform a reading. If you wanted to call her a junior bridesmaid, you could have her in a slightly altered dress if you wanted, carrying a bouquet, but seeing as she's a fully-grown woman -- not a girl -- it's a little odd to have her be a flower girl.

However, if you and she are both excited about the plan, go for it. There's a first time for everything........

Answer 3

Old Maid Flower

Answer 4

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on your upcoming marriage!! It's very nice of you to be including your sister's best friend in your wedding. I have to agree with some of the people who have already responded - it's your wedding, you can do whatever you want to as long as you like it and the "flower maid" likes it. Call her whatever the two of you like, and that's all that matters. You can change her title to Honor Attendant or Junior Bridesmaid...whatever you want, because it's your wedding.

I'm also getting married soon and my flower girl will be carrying a pomander (see picture here: http://www.wedding-flowers-guide.com/images/rose-pomander.jpg). I think it will make her stand apart from your other bridesmaids, but still make her feel special.

Congratulations again, and whatever you decide, I'm sure it will be a beautiful wedding.

Answer 5

I think it would depend on how she feels about it. I suppose some 18 year old girls would think it was silly being a "flower girl" Some might find it fun and neat. I think with the right touches it would turn out just fine.

If you wanted her to do something special, and not a "flower girl" type roll, you could have her be the guest book attendant, then have her light candles if you can have candles for your ceremony area. You could get her a dress similar to the bridesmaids, or something that coordinates.

Answer 6

Tradition: The handing down of customs and beliefs from generation to generation.

I don't see anything in that definition that says you can't start your own traditions - hey, they all started somewhere! Make this wedding your own. Here's the test - when you look back at photographs and reminisce - will you be happy you involved her in your wedding this way? Is she happy to participate in this way? If the answer to both is yes, go for it.

Etiquette gives us parameters in society - it is a set of guidelines provided so everyone is "on the same page" and "in the know" with social occasions - which help prevent embarrassing situations. Nothing in etiquette calls for a flower girl or flower maid to be of a certain age - it is purely a traditional role that can be fulfilled in anyway you would like.

Remember, nobody else gets as caught up in the details as the host, it would probably just be thought of as a nice touch, if at all. Do your best to follow etiquette rules, but when it comes to tradition - do what is right for you. :)

I think sprinkling petals for you to walk on is just fine. Queens have maidens that do this for them everywhere they go! :) You may want to go with a larger basket and more petals so she can create a beautiful carpet of petals for your trip down the aisle.

Congratulations on your wedding!

Answer 7

I've heard of this being done before, though it isn't common. I say ask her how she feels about it. If she's happy with the designation, then what does it matter what anyone else thinks?

Most flower girls don't throw petals anymore between concerns about safety and concerns about clean up. She can just carry a basket of flowers, if you like.

Also, a friend of mine had her daughter act as her 'herb maiden' rather than flower girl. Instead of a basket of flowers, she carried a small nosegay of herbs associated in lore and healing circles with luck, happiness, and love. It was a little different, but worked quite well for the couple in question. A small variation on a theme like that might work out well for you.

Best of luck and all joy to you and your intended.

Answer 8

I agree with Cory C. Just because you want someone to feel included is definitely not reason enough for them to be in your wedding. You say you don't have room for anymore bridesmaids. Is this because you wanted them to feel included too? I'm honestly not trying to be smart or mean. But, the attendants in the wedding should be the people closest to you. Not the ones who would be disappointed with you if they weren't included. THOSE people don't deserve to be included IMO. Being asked to serve as an attendant should be considered an honor.
Along with her suggestions, I'd like to add my own: why not make her a junior bridesmaid? And find a nice young gent to be a junior groomsman? Yes, many people will say "this is your wedding, do what you want" blah, blah, blah, and it's true. But to be perfectly honest, many of those people don't know much about wedding tradition or etiquette (go ahead, people, thumbs me down for that comment, even though it's true). Following tradition is being turned into a bad thing nowadays for some reason. Sometimes, it IS a good thing to follow it.

Answer 9

I have never heard of this but I guess anything's possible! Instead of having her be a flower-maid, maybe have her be a junior bridesmaid. It's basically just a bridesmaid but a younger age.

Answer 10

i might not have her throw flowers, but carry some instead and get her a dress similar to the bridesmaids. give her a nice basket and perhaps she can stop and had the mothers a flower before she stands up there with everyone else.