I have struggled with this for years, granted through my adolescence, and early twenties I did not have the best judgement, but now, i am going to be thirty in a bout a week. I feel like my father is constantly critisizing everything I do, being judgemental...etc. My sister's are always telling me that he tells them how proud he is of me, but he never tells ME....
We didn't have the best relationship, and it ping pongs back and forth. some years I think we are actually getting closer, and then He does or says something to truely offend me and I figure "why bother". I have worked really hard over the last three years to try and build a relationship with him. But I feel like he will never see me as anything more than the 14 year old screw up he knew back then.
Does anyone have any advice on this? I have tried talking, tried explaining, tried letters, etc......
It seems that his biggest problem is that he only knows the details about my life that I share with him. Any ideas?
2007-08-06 05:42:30 · 10 answers · asked by Princess_Baby_Bird 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It is so ironic that you posted this. I am 31 and have struggled with a relationship with my father. He and my mother are divorced and he has not been a big part of my life in nearly 8 years. But before that, he always expected the world of me, kinda like I was his pawn. He always criticized what I did....especially if it wasn't the way HE would do it. And just this past week, I told him that I have chosen to walk myself down the aisle at my wedding this september. I knew it would hurt him, but I saw it as a choice I had to make for myself in order to be comfortable since we are virtually strangers. He berated me and made sure I knew what a horrible decision I made and will not be attending the wedding by his own chioce. He told me so many terrible things in order to guilt me into changing my mind. I stood my ground....but it was at the expense of any type of relationship. We are no longer speaking at this point.
I digress greatly...sorry.... but the point I am making is that if you can't sit down with him, adult to adult, and have him see you have a mind of your own, he may be too set in his own ways. My father will never see that other people can make decisions on their own....and he will always see his way as the right way. It appears you have tried all the avenues I have, and the only advice I can give is to distance yourself. He is only hurting you by treating you the way he has. It took me 8 years to realize I had a voice and a mind of my own. Give yourself that same opportunity...and perhaps in the future your father will realize how important his daughter is to him, and he will support you...regardless of the choices you make. I love my father and wish him the best, but he doesn't know how to treat me like an adult and a daughter.I wish I could have a more positive bit of advice, but sometimes distance works the best for some people. I truly wish you luck in your struggle, but don't deny yourself. You are stronger and better than you or he knows.
2007-08-06 06:04:03 · answer #1 · answered by Kim 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wish religious leaders represent religion for what it really is. Atheists: don't atheists and others rape/drug/commit crime all the TIME? even this second people are raping, drinking, killing each other, and you don't point that out? Obviously my heart goes out to that poor victim, and I will pray for all victims of crime. You mustn't think that Christianity supports crime though! Atheists and powerful leaders even in the government/organizations also commit crimes sometimes- it's just that if you thrive for good (which Christians do, they repent and try to follow God's laws) or don't care. But I am in no position to judge anyone, so I just hope all of you guys reading this accept some of our religious views. Christians follow the teachings of no harm and kindness to others...
2016-05-19 22:06:46 · answer #2 · answered by effie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whine and complain to him like a 14 year old. Ask to borrow money and his car keys. If he says no, whine to him, "But Daaaaaad, why not? Call him up at ungodly hours and tell him, "Guess what? Guess who likes who now? Can you guess? Huh? Can you?"
If he mentions this, tell him to stop right there. Tell him if he wants to treat you like a 14 year old, then you will act like one.
2007-08-06 05:56:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your father is probably in the habit of giving you "advice" and making comments, because he's done it for years.
expect him to continue to do so -- zebras don't change their stripes.
it's good to remember that YOU know yourself well, and to be proud of you and the life you live.
then accept your father at face value, and perhaps keep in mind that sometimes he will falter. im' sure he loves you quite a lot.... people have their quirks, don't they?
2007-08-06 05:57:57 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any father worth his salt will consider his daughter 14 until he passes away. In the genes.
2007-08-06 05:45:24 · answer #5 · answered by awjandbjj 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well sit your dad down and tell him that you are grown woman and you would appreciated for him to start treating you like one you are not a little girl just say i will always be your daughter and love you forever but you have to let me be free thank you for teaching me right from wrong
2007-08-06 05:48:07 · answer #6 · answered by Latasha S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we all struggled with family but just try to talk to your dad and tell him how you feel about or if u can not tell him tell your sister's to help you like they say that ur dad tell's them how proud he is about you have some family time or try moving on with you life ..............p.s have fun
2007-08-06 05:54:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that is your life and let you live it. If you make a wrong decision it is you fault and you have to deal with it not him
2007-08-06 05:48:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, but I'm thirteen and my dad treats me like I'm 25-35.
2007-08-06 05:45:54 · answer #9 · answered by music_literature_freak 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
im 18 and my dad treats me like im five, its not completly the same thing but, it might be just a father thing.
2007-08-06 05:45:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋