My man and the wedding.?

Question

My bf and I have been engaged now since october and we have started making wedding plans but the thing is every time we talk about plans he gets quiet or an arguement starts because he wants to be cheep about the whole thing any ideas on why he may be like this?

ok i was not to clear on this my bad. his dad is paying for the reception my parents are paying for my dress. We have more then enough money to pay for a wedding we could pay 50,000 and still have tons left over. Money is no object in this case.

Answer 1

Weddings are bloody expensive. And it doesn't really make sense. For example, he probably sees little point in spending money on little favors no one will ever use. He's probably realized he's going to have to pay for it.

Answer 2

He may be uncomfortable with the idea of spending the parents money even if it is limitless. Perhaps he realizes that if they foot the bill they have more leverage and say in what happens. Or, it could simply be that wedding stuff doesn't interest him. I won't say that all men are not into the details of the wedding, but certainly fewer men are than women.Some men often see the wedding as frivolous and unnecessary and don't like the idea of spending that much money on one day even if it isn't their money. Why don't you sit down with him at a neutral time when you haven't already been discussing the wedding and find out what his hostility is about. Ask him honestly what bothers him about the whole process. You may be surprised by his answer. Whatever it is, try to respect his feelings about it even if you don't agree. You have to be willing to compromise. If he doesn't want a big wedding and feels like his opinions aren't being respected, that could be a deal breaker. Talk to him in a way that is nonconfrontational and genuine and you may be able to get some answers and find out what's bugging him. Remember that the wedding is about two families coming together and celebrating a new union within those families, its not just about the bride and what the bride wants. A lot of women get caught up in that hype. I'm not saying you're one of them, I'm just saying don't let yourself be one of them.

Answer 3

It may not have a thing to do with money at all - it could be2 other reasons:
1. He's just one of those people who do not like to have a big production made about themselves and have to be in front of a large group of people. Let's face it, if you are thinking of a large wedding that can be intimidating for someone like that.

2. He just doesn't want to get married, the thought of the commitment is too much for him. He has no problem being engaged, but it also gives him a 'comfort zone' to walk out the door much easier if it gets too 'constraining' in his mind.

I think that's the conversation you need to have with him before making plans - which of these is the case and can you live with the answer?

If it's the first one agree to scale back your plans to something he can deal with. If he is willing to do it there are mild drugs that he can be properly prescribed that would lessen his anxiety over the whole thing.

If it's the second one....well that's a whole other dilemma that you need to deal with!

Answer 4

He doesn't care.

Spare yourself, and especially him. Give him a few things to make executive decisions about (as in, he makes the decision and you don't get the chance to veto), and for the most part, make your plans.

If your idea of him "wanting to be cheap" means that he's not cool with spending the equivilant of a full salary for your first year of marriage, consider the option that you are being unreasonable. There is NO GOOD REASON to start your marriage in debt because you simply had to have a $50,000 party.

Make out a budget with him, and anyone else who may be pitching in. Stick with it. Assure him you will not completely go out of control, but that you want a nice wedding, it's been something you've always dreamed of, and if you can compromise about the general amount spent, you'll spare him the details of how much was spent for what.

Answer 5

You need to sit down and have an open, non-confrontational conversation about the wedding budget. Are you guys paying for it yourselves? If so, he may be concerned that it will cost more than his/your budget allows. He may feel like he can't provide the stellar wedding you want. If that's the case, you need to sit down and work out a budget together. Decide a total of how much you can spend, how much you can put aside each week for the wedding and how much you are (or arent) willing to go into debt for the event. Guys generally don't have a very good idea of how much things actually cost for a wedding, so try to get him involved on shopping for vendors and making decisions. That way he won't feel like he's being ripped off.

However, if your parents are paying for the wedding, he really has no reason to be cheap about it. Hopefully you've worked out a budget with your family and how much they can/will contribute. If his family is paying, make sure you know upfront how much they are willing to contribute. Maybe your fiance feels like the wedding is really out of their price range.

Answer 6

Maybe he wants to hold back on spending an awful lot of money for the wedding and go on a very nice honeymoon. My fiancee and I are doing the exact same thing. We plan to cut some cost with the wedding but it will still be elegant and tastefully done so we can have a really nice honeymoon. Just a suggestion.

Answer 7

Even some people who are well-to-do feel that spending a fortune on a 1-day event is not a good financial desicion. I'm not making anyone right or wrong, I'm just saying that many people feel this way. This is why my guy and are have set our wedding budget to about $5,000. We're both engineers and are financially quite comfortable, but we can't justify draining our savings or investments for one event. Maybe your guy feels this way as well.

Here's a suggestion that works for us: Each person can 'veto' anything the other says, but *only* if he/she has another (better) suggestion to offer. No one can grouse without presenting an alternative solution. It can actually turn into a game and keep you from taking yourselves too seriously. So...next time he complains or says 'vetoed!', just ask him if he has another idea. Maybe he does.

A key to having a successful long-term partnership is learning to compromise.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Perhaps he's intimidated by spending tons of money on one day. Try to comprimise with him, you can have a beautiful, fancy wedding without dropping tons of money - I'm currently doing it right now and like you our parents are splitting the costs. Which even though we planned carefully without going overboard, I still feel odd about! If someone else is offering to pay for your wedding/reception...etc..it's better that you perhaps tone it down a bit.

Answer 9

First off keep in mind that most guys don't care about the wedding other than bieng told, waht time, and were to show up so that really doen't mean he's not into you anymore. "Cheap" is a matter of opinion. For you a $900 dress would be cheap, for me that's pushing.

You have to continue talking with your fiacnee until can find middle ground. I wanted tall centerpiece, he wants them short. We compromised and will have medium sized vases with low fowers.

This is just the beginning, you two have some serious communication prolems to work on if you can't find middle ground on something like that.

Answer 10

It's really better to go cheap. I had a nice wedding for $400, reception included. Instead of going expensive, and creating tension, go cheap and everyone will be happy. It's only one day anyway, and you most likely won't remember much in a year, anyway, and neither will anyone else.

Women who fret and worry and have to have everything perfect are the ones getting divorced a few years later because they guy can't stand them. This is blunt, but true.

Answer 11

Sounds like he may be experiencing some financial difficulties at present and maybe is too embarrassed to let the world know. Or it could be that he wants to keep it simple and not go overboard and spend a lot more then can be afforded for one day. Why not ask him straight up what is bothering him when it comes to discussing cost of wedding that way you'll know for certain.