They've been married 61 years and have never been apart. Dad has been getting worse and is now dilusional most of the time. Mom does'nt want to let him go.
2007-08-06 04:37:28 · 16 answers · asked by jammer 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If you pressure her, she'll probably dig in her heels. I'd get her involved with a caregiver support group. Sharing the weight of caring for her beloved with other people going through it too will help her, and may help her see that it's best to let him go.
2007-08-06 04:40:56 · answer #1 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do your research. Ask their doctor if he knows of a reputable home that specializes in Alzheimer's. Make sure that the doctor has done everything humanly possible for your Dad. If you have to take some family medical leave and stay with Mom & Dad until your Mom can see that what you suggest is the way to proceed. I know that those vows, "in sickness and in health" are so true now to Mom. She really needs your help and understanding and this is just the beginning of letting go and the passing to the after life. Stay with her and reminence about your family life . Right now she needs you more than she needs a home for Dad. When the time is right maybe you and Mom can visit one of those homes. Good luck.
2007-08-06 12:04:33 · answer #2 · answered by make room for daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not all nursing homes are equipped to handle Alzheimer patients. Perhaps do some research in your area for what facilities will take him and whether she can stay there too. Check into assisted living, meaning they would have an apartment together and someone would check in to make sure they were ok. They would be responsible for their own meals and cleaning. You may want to start by suggesting a home health nurse to stop by once or twice a week. Then if she notices anything that would require your dad to be in a nursing home it wouldn't be YOU telling them.
2007-08-06 11:54:25 · answer #3 · answered by casw1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very difficult. You know what would really help them a lot is for you to research some facilities. There might be a place that is somewhere between nursing home and retirement home where they could both live. My great aunt and uncle live in an assisted living facility, they are in their 90's. They have their own apartment but also all the help they could need.
I would call around, actually visit some of these places and then arrange to take your mom to see them as well. Try and make it as easy for her as possible regarding doing research and making arrangements.
Good luck to you!
2007-08-06 11:42:11 · answer #4 · answered by Gen•X•er (I love zombies!) 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let you mom make the decision, do not pressure her into making this decision.. The Alzheimer's floor or wing at a Nursing Home is bad news. There are people there much much worse than your Dad and your Mom should be respected and supported for keeping him at home long as possible.
2007-08-06 11:44:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The question can your mom care for your father? If she can take care of him I would just let them be together they've been together for 61 years separating them might at least make your mother depressed. But she can not care for him properly you either put him in a nursing home or help your mom out.
2007-08-06 11:46:36 · answer #6 · answered by Lou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a frank talk with her about this and make sure she is involved in the decision making. She may still resist and she still might not be interested and you will have to decide that this is how it will be. Regardless of her decision on this - you need to show you you may not agree - but that you love her and your dad and what you want to do is for the best - not out of disdain for him, but out of love.
Good Luck!!! - this is not an easy thing to put a loved one in a nursing home if they are unwilling.
2007-08-06 11:42:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband's grandparents were in the exact same situation. Nana was finally convinced enough that she was getting too elderly and frail to care for Papa herself, so she conceded that the best course of action was to move into an assisted living apartment, where they could still live together, but she had access to the help she so desperately needed. Perhaps that option could work for you?
2007-08-06 11:42:27 · answer #8 · answered by Rae 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not so much detail to go on, so without fuill details and not being a specialist or anything it's difficult to day - I can understand why she would resist after so many years together - you don't mention how well your Mom is coping but maybe somthing like day care assistance is an option worth investigating?
2007-08-06 11:44:02 · answer #9 · answered by MI5 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course, your Mother does not want to let him go. After 61 years, it would be inhuman to separate them. Why don't you look into providing help for your Mother?
2007-08-06 11:50:29 · answer #10 · answered by jcf6865 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋