I suspect my nephew has a language delay - how do I tell my sister-in-law?

Question

I'm a special-education resource teacher and my 3-year-old nephew demonstrates a number of indicators for delayed language aquisition. My sister-in-law often refers to him as a late bloomer, but I feel pretty confident there's more to it than that.

Working in education, I know that he'll be much more likely to receive the support he needs if he starts school (in September 2008) with a diagnosis.

My problem is this: How do I tell my sister-in-law without offending her? I really like her and think she's a super mom, but she's really turning a blind eye to this.

Answer 1

Just tell her what you told us - that she is a terrific mom, but you are worried about his language delay. I would think she would appreciate the advice since it concerns her son. My son is 3 1/2 and he was just diagnoised with a speech problem. I kept asking my mother-in-law who is a special ed teacher what she thought of his language abilities and she kept telling me he was a late bloomer too. I felt like no one was helping me and it was like pulling teeth to get the help he needed. He'll be starting pre-school services with the school district and finally get the help he needs. Talk to her and just tell her that you are really concerned and that you are there to help.

Answer 2

Did he just turn 3? Going on 4? I think I would give it a little more time. The reason I say this is b/c I have a 2 1/2 year old son who was speaking very, very clearly by the time he turned 2. I, also, have a niece who just turned 3. This past 6 months, she has started talking more but is very, very hard to understand. However, I've noticed over the last few weeks that her speech is improving dramatically.
If it turns out my niece has a speech problem, I will let the schools or someone else tell my sister-in-law and brother so that the problem can be handled. I don't feel it's my place. This may be b/c a lot of the family seems to compare my son and my niece b/c they are so close in age. If my son weren't around, I may feel differently about coming forward and saying something.

Good luck!!

Answer 3

Be sure when you do decide to talk to her that you are sensitive. I would suggest that you say to her that you noticed that "Bobby" isn't communicating like you have observed other 3-year-olds and it just may be that he is a "late bloomer" but it also could mean several other things especially a hearing problem. Tell her that you see how well she takes care of him and thought it was important to tell her that he may have some sort of problem with his language development and if so you know she would want to know as early as possible. The school will most likely catch it, but I agree, the earlier the better. Is he around other children and in an environment where communication is fostered? She may need to ask him more questions to kind of "force" him to respond to her. I hope this helps! Good Luck

Answer 4

Ive nannied a lot of children with "language issues" who didnt talk until later in their childhood.

They were all boys. Which you know is common, in the field your in.

As a special ed teacher you spend only so many hours with these delayed kids, so youre not there for the rest of their lives.

In all the kids ive seen and worked with, (probably a little over a dozen) on a full time level, ive seen how the hype thats made over their delay in the long run ends up causing more harm than good.

Also, in all those cases, ive only seen one where it was a medical issue. The child needed treatment for super mild seizures, and then speech therapy.

Ive also seen it turn into a battle of wills with the child, who then ends up not talking out of spite.

I would back off if I were you. So long as she is providing him with the oppotuinty to talk, and as long as she talks with him and two him let it be. your convictions are honest and good, but they are different from hers. She doesnt want her child labled and treated differently. And that is honerable as well.

If you wanted to do anything, mention to her that you're concerned he'll end up with a long term issue, maybe suggest a few things to encourage her and him, and let her know you're there if she wants help. And then leave it until she brings it up.

Answer 5

I agree with you 100%, I have a son with a PDD NOS diagnosis, and I know he needed that diagnosis to get all the services he is getting at preschool (he is now 4).

I would basically just state it to her as you did here. I would say that as a special ed teacher, you noticed his language is behind, or as your SIL states, a "late bloomer" and that speech therapy could help him catch up to his peers faster. And then say from your experience, he'll get more and better services from the school system if he's evaluated by a developmental pediatrician first. Try not to say anything about "getting a diagnosis" - that may freak her out as these days everyone is paranoid about autism. Just say that a report from a developmental pediatrician with recommended therapies would help the school system, something to that effect.

I know with my son, its a hard thing to accept - I came up with a million excuses and stayed in denial about my son's speech delay - blamed it on his ear infections, etc.... but when he was diagnosed at age 2 by a developmental pediatrician, it kicked me into action. Hopefully the same will happen with your SIL. I wish you the best of luck, your sister in law is lucky to have you and your expertise!

Answer 6

Are you close enough to your sister to share your feelings? If not, could you either talk to your brother (or have your husband talk to his sister)?

How would you prefer to be approached? Probably without accusations and without a "know it all" attitude."

I would take off my special-education hat and put on my aunt hat and ask her if her doctor has made any suggestions about how to help a "late bloomer" be more confident in preschool. Possibly using her terms might help her be more open to the idea of asking her pediatrician before school starts.

Answer 7

I'm sorry i have to say this my son is nine and has severe autism and is non verbal at aged 3 it was picked up by health visitors and if its not its really up to your sister in law to face the facts for herself she might see you as interfering in her business when infact you are trying to help, if there is a problem it will be detected soon enough

Answer 8

I would be straight forward with your concern. They should have him evaluated by someone else, a non family member so the person will be completely objective. This will also help her so she doesn't take it personally.

I would suggest rather than a special ed teacher evaluation because of his age he really should be evaluated by a developmental pediatrician. This evaluation and diagnosis will bear more weight with the mother as well.

Other than recommending it there is really nothing more you can do, it is their decision to have him evaluated or not.

Answer 9

my youngest son who is 13 years old now, has adhd, conduct disorder and learning problems and while I kinda suspected something was wrong before he started school, I did not want to believe it. It has taken my husband even longer to come to terms with the fact that his son has problems. Being a parent we want to believe that nothing is wrong with our children and when there is it is hard to admit it. I would sit down with your sister-n-law and explain the signs that you are seeing .

Answer 10

Your situation can go both ways, it is a child, and you need to do what is best for the child..not what is best for you or the mother..

the best way to do this is...you yourself get info, on that you think is wrong with the child. (pamphlets)
As a special educator you probably get info on parenting all the time..if not get some pamphlets and papers about pottie training and other stuff related to parenting and slip them together. then give them to her in hopes that she finds the info and reads it.

but in the end if she come to you and say what is this what are you getting at, you say oh, i didn't know that was in there i am so sorry.....................or you say why are you so on edge on the topic, are you sure you not in denial?

i hope all goes well for you and sister-in-law.
sorry grammar sucks...