How can I come to terms with my partner's surfing obsession?

Question

He doesn't actually go that often, but he's obsessed. I don't surf and would have problems due to a knee injury, so I can't really join in. I'm worried that the only holiday that we'll ever have that doesn't involve surfing will be our honeymoon if we get married!

I love the sea, but it's no fun swimming where there are surfers and I wouldn't feel safe around surfers with my little girl. I'm also not a big fan of sitting around on the beach all day, but what else am I supposed to do while he's surfing?

I'm beginning to think we should take seperate holidays. He gets completely single minded when he's got surfing on his mind. I might as well not exist.

I don't much want to surf and, besides which, we have a toddler who obviously can't be left to fend for herself or come surfing with us!!!

I have my own life - thank you very much - it just doesn't involve surfing!!!! I would rather go exploring ancient monuments in Greece (for example) but he doesn't see the point of that because where would he surf?

Answer 1

I'd like to say your jealous, but it doesn't sound like it, more like your lonely, and that is sad; he might also feel bad doing something he wants because he's causing you to be so.
Why not holiday with some friends, then you can hang out with the girls during the day, and enjoy the nights with your man.

Answer 2

People do tend to get obsessed with it. I've lost jobs because there were waves, and I was not going to go to work while it was "goin' off".

Why don't you try alternating holidays, like one beach holiday, then the next, a more cultural kind of holiday. There are places, where there are breaks, AND interesting local culture. (Although you might not get this guy out of the water long enough to enjoy them).

Have you ever tried body boarding? It's quite fun, and would give you a chance to paddle out with your man. You could include your little girl as well. Kids LOVE it.

You could always break his knee, that'd put an end to it.

Also- Unless you plan on visiting the Alps, or the middle of a desert, he's definitely going to find a way to surf on your honeymoon.

Answer 3

His surfing is something you will have to come to accept because it is not likely that he will stop just to please you. Surfing is more than an activity it is a lifestyle. I also tend to make my vacation plans (and even business travel plans) around locations that I can surf.

Since it sounds like you aren't into kicking back at the beach and getting some sun while he's surfing maybe the best idea would be for you alternate making vacation plans. Take him with you to Greece and then he can take you to Costa Rica or wherever. As for a honeymoon...some of the best honeymoon destinations offer great surf (Hawaii, Tahiti, etc.)

Answer 4

I know what it's like from his side... I'm a windsurfer myself, and love it! Cant' get enough of it... My GF is the same as you, doesn't surf but she doesn't mind lying on the beach...

But I will always make sure I make time for her... If we're on holiday, I might do a couple of hours of surfing a day, but then we'll just chill out together, go on a day trip or for a walk...

I think you need to tell your BF whats on your mind! Otherwise he won't understand when you get angery with him... He does have to start making time for you though... Relationships involve sacrifices but also compromise!

Answer 5

Work out a schedule where you pursue your own interests while he surfs. He's not a baby, you're not going to miss some great milestone if you leave him alone for a few hours. Let him have his surfing and you find your own hobby. Otherwise, your relationship will reach an impasse over the subject.

Answer 6

You need to decide whether you have room in your relationship for his other interest. I Surf and I taught my step sons to surf, although my wife doesn't and has no interest in learning. Over the last 3 years that we've been married we've had about as many vacations together, that did not involve surfing, as myself and my step sons had surfing trips that did not include my wife. If you want to be with your partner your going to have to let them do what makes them happy. That in turn should make you happy.

Answer 7

You just have to except it & find something else to do that day.Get another hobby, or activity you like. My ex was a surfer & it is a lifesyle if you don't enjoy it I would rethink marrying him. It's a trainwreck waiting to happen. I rode horses while he was surfing & we never had problems. I trusted him totally though. You have to be carefull w/some of them, they like to elaborate on that, with the girls. Depending on how old he is ....it's very physical & he will stop when he gets a little older. It's your decision to live with it or not. Don't expect to change him you won't.

Answer 8

omg! let him go surf on his own or with some buddies if it bothers you so much. you dont have to be there just sitting around. surfing is more then just a hobby. its a lifestyle. don't expect him to give up his lifestyle. believe me, i surf and its not just a hobby.

work on a schedule that will best work for you both.

Answer 9

Have you ever heard of the term "Bros before Hoes" well with surfing its kind of like that except its "Waves before Babes". The waves were there first , they will always be there so you need to respect that and find your own hobby.

Answer 10

To me there is just one simple way to remedy that, if you can't beat them, join them, encourage him and let him have his fun. While he is surfing, get a camera with wide angle lens and start shooting pictures of him, show him how good or bad he is.