Why would a mother do this?

Question

About a year ago, I found out that my mom seriously wanted to put my half sister up for adoption when my half sister was 3-years-old. I understand when you first find out that you are pregnant and you're young, but after a child has turned 3-years-old. I feel disgusted with my mom. I have a young child and don't understand how you could possibly think of such a thing after bonding with a child for a few years. I found out my grandfather talked my mom out of it and said he would take care of my sister. My half sister did live with my grandparents while I lived with my mom and step dad. Why would a mother do this? Did she ever love my sister?

Answer 1

Mothers give up their children for many reasons. I would think that your mother was dealing with so many issues of her own that she felt she was failing at being a mother.

I would talk to your mother without being judgemental and just ask what she was going through at that time. She may deserve your pity more than your disgust.

Answer 2

She had her own reasons. It is hard for me to understand as well. It would be best to sit with your mom and have her explain why she did this. It could have been too much on her at the time, or she couldve had something wrong with her such as a mental problem like depression or something of the like. She may not have been able to bond with your sister like she did you. There are many reasons it could be, but I could never understand how you can give up a child that you should love more than your own life. I have two, and it is hard for me to let them out of my sight.

Answer 3

Maybe it had more to do with the father of the child which caused her to feel this way. Combine that with a possible mental health issue or simply, poor coping skills and immaturity and your mother may just not have known how to cope with emotions connected with your half-sister. She may have regrets that you don't know about. It might help to find out what motivated her to make that decision. It may be she loved her but realized she just couldn't care for her the way your half-sister deserved.

Answer 4

If there is a way you can talk WITH your mother (if not, your grandfather) OPEN and HONESTLY without pre-judgment or strong negative emotions, by all means do so!!

MOST people here, including you, are just ASSUMING your mothers reasoning and why she made that decision - - she might have a reason we have yet to think of !! PLEASE TRY not to FEEL anything YET towards your mother - TRY and contact her and get the RIGHT answers BEFORE attaching negative feelings - you might end up with a whole NEW perspective and understanding. Be optimistic if you can - and I hope everything works out for all of you!

Answer 5

I don't think you know all of the details of the story. Don't feel disgusted with your mother. You don't know the circumstances of her pregnancy. You need to know more details before you make a judgement.

I mean worst case senario, this child did not have to be your step fathers child. What needs to be done is your sister needs to know that everyone around her loves her so much.

Answer 6

You would have to ask her that. However, as another mother, I will suggest that you should never say never. Life isn't as black and white as people your age seem to think, and while you will grow out of that, you are not your mom, you never lived your mothers life and you have no idea what she was thinking. Sometimes something that makes complete sense in our heads doesn't work the way we intended. People don't give up children for adoption because they don't love them, they give them up because they love them enough to think of their needs first.

Isn't your question really about how she felt about you and if she was also considering giving you up? Talk to your mom, and lose the attitude.

Answer 7

You should talk with your mom about this and her reasoning. It may be a more complicated situation than you know.

Some women can still suffer from post-partum depression for years after childbirth if it goes untreated. She may have not been able to handle two children, for monetary or emotional reasons, what have you. She may have believed that she would be creating a better life for your sister by finding a new family for her - and that is a sign of love.

Talk to her.

Good luck.

Answer 8

Without knowing all the particulars, I can understand how you feel. But what people don't understand is how someone can be so desperate and unhappy that they are willing to just do something horrible to get out of their situation. That is why mothers murder their kids and people just abandon their lives and responsibilities. It's not RIGHT but in some way I can understand how crazy people can get.

Answer 9

I can completely understand how you feel- but also realize that your mother probably didn't do it out of spite, or lack of love for your sister. Perhaps she thought she was doing the best she could for her. Parenting is stressful, and children aren't born with "how to" manuals. I suggest you love your sister, and forgive your mother, and move on with your life. What's done is done, and I'm sure your mother feels guilty enough about her choice.

:O)

Teej.

Answer 10

Your mother likely considered adoption for your sister at three becuase she was financially unable to care for her. sometimes we have to make decisions we don't like and which might break our hearts, hon.

i'm glad your grandfather was able to help.

i'm sure your mother loves your sister very much... we can't judge others based on their personal decisions of years ago.

look at your mother today, and accept or reject her for the person she is on a daily basis.

everyone has big decisions to make at one time or the other in life...
hugs