I need a group opinion...My boyfriend of 3 years has never known his father. He apparently died when he was 5 years old and at that point his mother put away all the picture and memorabilia of his father.
He is now 31 and has never known what happen, or who his father really was. I feel He has some attachment issues, and think if he found out what happen to his dad some of those problems would go away...
What do you think? Should I encourage him to finally ask his mom to see the photo albums that are in her closet?
I am just concerned for him, and can't imagine not knowing what happened.
Thanks
2007-08-06 02:34:25 · 6 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I need a group opinion...My boyfriend of 3 years has never known his father. He apparently died when he was 5 years old and at that point his mother put away all the picture and memorabilia of his father.
He is now 31 and has never known what happen, or who his father really was. I feel He has some attachment issues, and think if he found out what happen to his dad some of those problems would go away...
Him and His mom have a good enough relationship, ecept that they do not talk about anything personal...So I feel when he askes her it could hert her feelings, or make her mad.
What do you think? Should I encourage him to finally ask his mom to see the photo albums that are in her closet?
I am just concerned for him, and can't imagine not knowing what happened.
Thanks
2007-08-06 02:51:49 · update #1
Him and His mom have a good enough relationship, ecept that they do not talk about anything personal...So I feel when he askes her it could hert her feelings, or make her mad.
What do you think? Should I encourage him to finally ask his mom to see the photo albums that are in her closet?
Again...Should I encourage it, or leave it alone!
2007-08-06 03:15:26 · update #2
He needs some closure on this part of his life. Living without knowing who your father was or knowing how he died must be very emotionally draining on him. He should ask his mother, but should be prepared for a no. She must want to keep her husband all to herself, to keep his memory of him for herself, but this is selfish of her and she should share him with her son so he can finally know who his father was. This will truly keep his memory alive. If she says no, he should ask other family members to see pictures or share memories, or since he is of legal age he can go to the courthouse and get the death certificate.
2007-08-06 02:40:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's complicated.I think her mom might she has reasons that she don't mention her dad to him even hide all the things of his dad.She may get hurt from her husband or just don't want to talk about him to the others becasue it might remind her that her husband are gone forever.In the opposite,your boyfriend must be pain in this way.He might get hurt all the time.For example,he might think that most classmates have Dad even he is in society right now.But he might want to ask his mom,then without courage.It's a desire to him I think.So,I agree you to cheer him up and let him to ask all the questions to his mom.Most of all,you might care about what your boyfriend and his mom really think.If he didn't ask ,and it would be a regret to him.You have to find out the good way and observe their emotions.And,if you know his mom well,you can go to have a conversation with her.If you earn something from her,and you can find out the better way to them.You can ask me if you have some questions.I can help you if you want.But I don't promise it would be sucessful.I hope they can have no regrets in their life.
2007-08-06 10:05:20 · answer #2 · answered by ¶®¶² ·Judy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your boyfriend needs to ask if he is curious, yes.
if he wasn't exposed to the situation at the time of his father's death, that's too bad -- he never got closure, i'm sure.
his mother might be the type who tries to hide reality from her kids, because SHE can't face it herself....
i think that anyone can purchase a death certificate at the health department -- cause of death is normally stated by a doctor. also, your boyfriend could ask people who knew his family (relatives, old friends) at that time to get more information.
whatever happens, i wish your boyfriend all the best...
2007-08-06 09:51:51 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he need to find his fathers family and reconnect with them,after all they are a part of who he is and they can tell him all kinds of stories about his father and his fathers child hood.
He can also talk to his mom but it sounds like she is not ready to talk about her deceased husband.
2007-08-06 09:44:13 · answer #4 · answered by wkemrer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not really a good way to ask his mother again, if she want to tell him, she told him already. He is over 30 years old now, not a kid who need parents look after. The future are for you and your boyfriend, isn't it?
2007-08-06 09:43:59 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk to his mother and see what she thinks! I personally think he should slowly and calmly find out. Good luck!
2007-08-06 09:38:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋