my dad is giving me grief?

Question

im just really depressed right now. i left home about 5 years ago because of my dad. he wouldnt let me date, read magazines, or watch hardly any tv. i was 19. now my little sister is leaving for the same reasons. but she brought me into their argument and told him that i said he was too controlling. so he calls me up at about 7:30 this morning asking me if it was true. i didnt know what to say. we hadnt fought since i had my baby, and he gave me money when my husband got laid off. now he's throwing that in my face. i dont know what to do now and i feel really depressed. how would you guys handle being put on the spot when someone asks you "do you think im controlling?". i need some advice on how to get myself out of this mess

Answer 1

OK! - he asked you a straight forward question... give him the honest truth back. Of course he is going to be defensive & try once again to control the situation by bringing in "all that he has done for you"... SO WHAT! That is what parents do, help their kids... now that you are a parent yourself, you surely understand the sacrafices & help that you will be giving to your children for the rest of your life.

The hardest part of being an adult child is trying to come to terms within yourself while still dealing with a controlling parent. I know this all too well... I know the guilt trips they can place & how "mistreated" they feel when things do not go their way. However, as an adult - I have learned to live my life for myself & my children... No longer for my parents. I applaud you for leaving & making a life for yourself. But support your "reason" to do so, meaning be honest about it, & do not feel guilty for it. He probably won't like your answer - but then he shouldn't have asked if he didn't want to know the truth! And here's the "kicker" - when the guilt trip begins, it's up to you to stop it. You can say, I love you dearly - & we appreciate all that you have done for us, but honestly dad, you cannot put "consequenses" or "rules" to what you choose to do for us... And then be happy about standing up for yourself!

Answer 2

hi hon.

you don't have to argue with your dad, but you can answer his question as politely as you can.

if it's true, you can't pretend it's not!

you can do a web search on COPING WITH CONTROLLING PARENTS or COPING WITH CONTROLLING PEOPLE and see what sort of information you come up with.

sometimes people need to change, or take a good look at themselves in the mirror.. feeling guilty because your father is a control freak, isn't necessary. HE is the one who needs to work on his issue.

if you are feeling guilty because you have to be truthful, and because he gave you money when your husband was laid off, it's probably the result of the way your father raised you.... there's no sense feeling guilty when YOU are not a criminal! You did nothing.

take care and i hope you find some advice on line and here too

Answer 3

i can relate to you however for yourpeace of mind you have to tell your dad how you feel even though he may react in an angry manner. You have your life now and so far you made it on your own........a real father does not throw things back in your face like that........try and talk to him about his controlling ways that is why his children are running away from him........if the money thing is a continuous topic then kindly ask if he wants it back but you need to communicate with him.

Answer 4

Your an adult now its time to confront him and lay your past to rest. If you have a respectable mature converstion with him maybe he will realize his mistakes and lighten up, or explain his reasoning

Answer 5

Tell him the truth.