Are Adults Who Were Sexually Abused As A Child, Normally More or Less Sexually Promiscuous Than Their Peers?

Question

At the age of 5 or 6, I was sexually molested by 2 of my older cousins. They were in their mid to late teens. I told my mother about it at the time and she told me I should be ashamed of myself, it was my own fault and I should never tell anyone. Now as an adult, the reaction from my mother at that time, has caused me to have severe depression, lack of self worth and anger! I should also mention, I have worked as an adult model, escort, starred in XXX movies and I am a swinger. I have never been able to have a real relationship for more than 2 yrs. I have 2 children by 2 separate fathers. When I try to talk with my mom about the incidents 30+ yrs ago, she says there isn't anyway I was molested, as if I was I would be afraid of men, instead of (as she stated) looking to be molested.
I explained its quite the contrary; People who has been molested become molesters ( I haven't or even thought about it) and exactly what I have become. Please help, this is destroying my family!

Answer 1

Being abused, and having no one to help you as a child, made you begin to think that, that is how you should treat your body. This is very common with women abused as children. Your mother seems to be denying the fact that you ever went to her saying you were abused. This has not helped in your recovery. Have you been to a doctor about what you have been through, by what you have said there is a high possiblity you could be suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder is another name for it). If you have been abused, it does not mean you will become an abuser, this is a myth and nothing else, yes sometimes this does happen but not as often.

Hope that helps if you need any support or advice the site I have added is a survivors of abuse support site, which you might find very helpful.

Answer 2

I think it can go either way. I was sexually abused, and I tended to avoid sex and be afraid of it. (Am working on it in therapy, and getting better!) But I've certainly heard of it going the way you describe it, too.

I'm so sorry that your mom didn't support you and get you help when you needed it. But it's not too late. There is a lot more understanding about sexual abuse and its effects then there used to be, and a lot of good therapy available. Look for somebody who specializes in sexual abuse and trauma.

If you're broke, ask if the therapist has a sliding scale, or check with community organizations (United Way YM/YWCA, various religious organizations (you usually don't have to belong to that religion to get counseling -just make sure the therapist has an understanding about SA that you agree with) Or try a rape crisis center. Sometimes they'll provide low-cost counseling, even if the abuse happened a long time ago, and they usually can give counseling referrals.

If you can, I suggest not engaging too much with your family on this issue, at least until you have some more healing and understanding. It sounds like emotions are running high, probably on all sides. It's possible your mom feels terribly guilty for not helping you, and that's pushed her into denial. Or the abuse could reflect some family dysfunction that people just aren't ready to deal with. Just tell them you don't want to talk about it right now.

I doubt you can change your family, but I believe that with help, you can heal yourself. Many, many sexual abuse survivors have. Good luck and good healing- you deserve it.

Answer 3

It can go to either extreme. Some people who were abused as children become disinterested in or even phobic about sexual contact and have alot of problems with intimacy as adults. At the other end are those who become excessively promiscuous and hypersexual. You really need to find a competent therapist to help you work through these issues. This is way too much for most people to deal with on their own. Your mom is in major denial. She probably feels that if she accepts what you're saying as the truth then she is to blame is some way.

Answer 4

Your cousins did this to you.
Your mom wasn't any help when you needed her to be.

To answer your question,
some who have been sexually abused head "full steam" into sexual activity. Others are so messed with, they change sexual orientation, becoming homosexual. Still others become stuck in their personality, frozen in time, and frozen toward the ability to trust others or to enjoy sexual relations within marriage. It is not unusual for you to seek out too much sex. It is a sad life.

But, there is hope. You don't have to live that way all your life.
Look up newlife.com click on resources and you will find books to address your symptoms. The Wounded Heart by Dan Allender changed my life - turned me inside out - and was a healing source for me, along with counseling.
1-800-NEWLIFE is a Christian Counseling resource center that also does workshops around the country to help people in ways like you are asking for.

You may need to distance yourself from your mom for a while, as you are sorting out what you do and why you do it. You can then consider what the relationship with her will look like in the future.

You can stop this in its tracks. Your children don't need to repeat it, and you can be the mom to them that you didn't have.

Answer 5

It's most common for victims to be promiscuous, very common. There are several "common" behaviours, beliefs, lies that are believed to be truth, that most all victims of abuse have. I think it's important to uncover what is normaly "buried" in the subconscious so it can be processed, as well as issues you are a aware of. Untill you "process" them they will continue to affect you profoundly.
Not sure what would be "normal" for you.....but you sound serious about changing some things. Please email or IM me in Yahoo as ....mysihba if you are serious. There are methods to do this....and some simple truths to replace lies you believe. The most common, and obvious one for you is "guilt". None of the abuse was your fault. Alot of behaviours are a direct result of the abuse. You may need help to really believe that.....I'm retired Fire/EMS, 4 years as a victim advocate with special training in abuse, etc.

Answer 6

I think you need to seek professional help. The problems that you are experiencing now can not be solved here on yahoo. I know this may not be the answer that you are looking for but I really must encourage you to seek out professional help.