I've been seeing a girl for about 4 months now. It's long distance and was deemed open until recently we commited to one another. The problem for me is that last month she went on a date (which I knew about - again, it's an open relationship) with a guy and ended up having unprotected sex with him at the end of the night. She never told me this until a little "truth time" we had when we decided we wanted to commit to one another. I also found out she had cheated on her previous boyfriend at least two other times and had unprotected sex with these guys as well. In addition to being really hurtful, it puts me at risk for STDs as well. I've asked her to be honest and upfront about everything as she has been thus far, I'm just concerned one day she'll do the same to me. I know she loves me and cares about me, and I've asked her not to hurt me like that. If she's bored in our relationship I'd rather have her leave then cheat. I want to trust her. How can I trust her?
2007-08-05 17:36:59 · 28 answers · asked by Lost in NJ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
you can't... move on
2007-08-05 17:39:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've been in semi-similar situations... here's two sense.... :-)
I'm sorry... if I'm understanding your situation correctly, it seems possible that you are partially to blame for your trouble.
IF these things happened to her before you actually committed, then she's being brave for disclosing them to you, and not dishonest; love her for her honesty, not all girls are willing to be.
Maybe you are expecting more from her than she can deal with? Many relationships fail because one person sees WHAT THE PERSON CAN BE, not what they realistically are ready to be. As a result, one person lives in a constant state of disillusionment. You can tell if someone is capable of growing out of bad habits by the way that they keep their promises on an ongoing basis.
ASK FOR PROMISES if you need them... but be careful in judging if one has been broken. Don't distort the details; make sure 3+3=6 precisely.
It sound like you've become turned off because of all of what she told you. Perhaps you need a time out to re-evaluate the situation, and decide if this is a girl who you can "forgive" (even if she didn't lie---maybe she went over your boundaries)
If you love her and feel there is hope for happiness, then.... welll..... talk about how you feel... be specific... ask for truthfulness for the future... AND discuss how it makes you feel uncomfortalbe to have to bring such things up. TALK ABOUT HOW YOU SOMETIMES FEEL almost insecure... and you $@#%#% hate it. Talk about how you NEED the truth to feel like you can be secure... and that you can't help it' you're only human.
ANd maybe the greatest advice I've ever heard is to (if you together in person for a conversation--and TRY to be) is to HOLD HANDS and LOOK EYE TO EYE. Discuss things like you meant it; it has you recognize that you really care about each other, and it'snot so much of a disagreement. It's the touching thing.... keep those hands together. IT really matters!!
I think I took too much time... sorry... I'm tired over here; it's 1:30 am.
2007-08-06 01:32:36 · answer #2 · answered by Charles S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you think you need to ask yourself why you are attracted to someone that obviously doesn't think you are so great? If this girl had loved you or even cared a lot, she wouldn't have had sex with some one night stand date. Ask yourself if you aren't better than that. Beleive me, they do not change. And if this other person had herpes or aids it might not show up for several months, after you were exposed. People that love you and themselves do not put each other at risk. Toss her to the curb before you wind up in so deep that you wind up raising some other mans baby, or have a really bad STD.
2007-08-06 00:55:07 · answer #3 · answered by ? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is really, really tough.. but it sounds like you love her more than she loves you! I would keep it going.. for awhile.. be patient.. and keep telling her be good! BUT use protected sex.. Trust me.. she sounds very immature in the (sex) area so do not put yourself at risk. But in the end.. after time does go by and she is not being faithful then i would say move on. Also, keep your options open also.. i know at the moment she feels like the one for you.. but if she is doing this.. hmm.. and another reason is she is not leaving is because she feels comfortable. But time will tell. Good Luck.
2007-08-06 00:43:42 · answer #4 · answered by neogiee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that some people are insulting you. Unfortunately, your girl doesn't seem trustworthy, even though she admitted her infidelity. How can you trust her? It isn't easy but first of all you have to be willing to try.
Set some strict guidelines for your relationship - do not have unprotected sex with her at all -regardless of what she claims.
She needs to earn your trust and you have to be willing to allow her the chance to win that trust.
Are you sure you want to be with her? Do you love her?
2007-08-06 00:48:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love my little dog, and I trust him not to bite me, or mess in the house!! Our relationship depends on it!! But if he starts snapping at me, and crapping all over,I'll have him checked bt the VET, and if hes OK, then he's got a problem!!! Like finding him a new home!! Its all about trust! I'm sorry to tell the TRUTH, but she's got COYOTE blood, she's going to run, and do who&shat she wants, and your feelings don't matter!! Move on rite now, before you get your feelings hurt even more, or worse,she shares a desiese with you, and ruins the rest of your life!!!!RUN NOW
2007-08-06 00:50:54 · answer #6 · answered by happywjc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
once a player always a player. long distance relationships aren't easy and trust is important in a relationship. try talking to her face to face because body language also says alot. if you can't trust her at all, then why be with her in the first place. you'll just be the one hurting at the end
2007-08-06 00:41:08 · answer #7 · answered by maeheartsyou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry but you can't. If she is not telling you the trueth now do you ever think she will? Also, What else is she holding back? If she could not tell you the trueth from the begining no matter how terrible it may be, then I think she will have a hard time from here on out. Good Luck!!
2007-08-06 00:42:15 · answer #8 · answered by Trouble 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if i was you i would be scared to touch her or have sex with her. because you know it could take years or even months for someone to test positive for an std. and she could test negative now and then later down the line have something and you get it as well. i don't know bout but I'm scared of disease. you should leave her there is no tell how many men have did her with no protection.
2007-08-06 00:49:05 · answer #9 · answered by rainbow stud 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well the writing is on the wall, isn't it? If you continue with this girl, then like you said, you are putting yourself at risk for STDs, as well as getting hurt.
2007-08-06 00:42:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
whats wrong with people!!!
Buddy give her a chance , as u said during "truth timer" she admitted these things and she could have hidden the same but she did not.
so trust her and if she lied onec does not mean she will again lie.
Iam tellig u thru my own experience.
Then life is all about risks.
Best of luck
2007-08-06 00:56:26 · answer #11 · answered by ashforrij 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋