My boyfriend is turning 30 this year, we have been dating for 3 years. I want to organize a small get together at a restuarant w/ myself and his family. This would include his siblings and their wives w/ their children. As well as his parents and grandparents. In all, about 9-13 people.
I would really love to pay for everyone, but I don't think I could afford to do so.
Would it be rude for everyone to pay for their own meal?
2007-08-05 17:36:40 · 14 answers · asked by Answer Girl 2007 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
What's a tactful way to tell everyone that "it's not my treat"
2007-08-05 17:49:23 · update #1
No, but make it optional. Tell them they're invited but mention that they will have to pay. That way no one will be surprised if it's not "free". Maybe you can work out a group rate or a special menu with the restaurant, a lot of places do that and it could save everyone money. They love to have group business so I bet you could make arrangments ahead of time.
2007-08-05 17:46:02 · answer #1 · answered by Awesome Writer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been dating the guy for three years so I am assuming that you know his family. Start with his parents. Tell them what you would like to do for their sons birthday. Tell them while you would like to pay for everyone you just can't afford to. See if they think that this is a good idea. While you know his family you may not fully know their finances. They may not be able to afford to go out for a nice dinner. If the parents think it is a good idea then leave it up to them to talk to the grandparents and you talk to the siblings. You have to be open and honest with them. They will respect you more. If everyone is financially able to do this then you can make reservations. If someone is not able to do it you should reconsider what to do for his birthday.
2007-08-08 23:40:04 · answer #2 · answered by D and G Gifts Etc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry hon i can't help you out here. If you are hosting a party for your boyfriends birthday and plan on going to a get together at a restaurant than you should plan on footing the bill. If you can not afford to do this, plan the party somewhere else, such as your home and have a BBQ or serve what ever it is you can afford to do. If you can not afford this, than i am afraid you will have to either cut down the guest list or have them over to your house for cake and ice cream. If you expected them to pay for their own food, than they are not your guests are they?? There is no way you can ask them to do this.
2007-08-08 17:10:08 · answer #3 · answered by pj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it isn't rude if you are clear from the outset. When you first broach the idea with his parents, tell them you will put up $200 towards the bill and if they and their other kids could come up with another $200 that should cover the evening. Work out your own figures, obviously, but make this a collaborative process where his parents help you decide how to do the billing, and, crucially, are responsible for getting the money off his siblings.
2007-08-05 18:03:07 · answer #4 · answered by Bethany 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is no tactful way. If you or he can't afford to pay for the dinner, don't have the party. Go for a dinner just the 2 of you.
2007-08-06 00:08:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems awkward to invite ppl to a get together and then ask them to pay for their own dinner. If you want to do it, let them know in advance that it's "Dutch treat." Or you can arrange for a potluck dinner where ppl tell you what they will bring (or you can make a list of various categories: Main dish, veggies, salad, bread, etc.) and ask ppl what they want to bring (to make sure there is enough of each category). Or just throw a party with cake and ice cream (your invite can say: you are invited for an afternoon of cake and ice cream...").
2007-08-05 17:49:41 · answer #6 · answered by Bugs Bunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in your situation. The presence of yourself is necessary not you trying to be someone you cannot(or uncomfortable). that is what everyday life is about.
Discuss the idea with your boyfriend's parents. I am sure they validate your wonderful idea of treating your boyfriend. They have supported your boyfriend. Elders rarely expect money from kids, and in this instance I am sure that if you tell how you feel and about your honest truth(fact) of your money situation, everyone will pitch in.
Or be a mature adult, and ask for separate checks while about to start ordering food(but ask everyone before asking for separate checks). Happy birthday to your boyfriend, Have fun and enjoy.
2007-08-05 17:41:33 · answer #7 · answered by DragonHeart 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
we just went to a family party at a buffett it was all you can eat pay when you come in . i think if you let everyone know the cost there will be no problem .. you and call the restrant and have a room for the group and be inside with decorations and the hostess telling your guests were to meet after they pay
2007-08-05 17:50:11 · answer #8 · answered by glitsyjewels 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be more tactful to have a private dinner as a treat for him at the restaurant, then have a potluck at home for the family.But it is acceptable to issue an invitation to join you at the restaurant and say "separate checks, so I'll understand if you can't make it".
2007-08-05 18:17:06 · answer #9 · answered by barbara 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Why don't you just ask them if it would be possible for all of you to meet at a restaurant on such and such a day at such a time and have a meal together. Surely they would not assume that you are paying for it.
2007-08-05 18:15:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋