I planned a nice birthday party for my almost 2 year old daughter coming up soon. I sent invites out and everyone knew the date early. Turns out, my husband's brother (also my daughter's godfather) has to be out of town on business. I guess I was naive to think that his new wife (my sister in law) would come, even if he couldn't since - oh, I don't know, that couple is named in our will as the people who would raise her if we died? I hadn't heard an RSVP back from her, so when I saw her at a wedding this weekend (a wedding for our husbands' 3rd cousin), I asked if she could come, and was surprised to hear her say no. She is having visitors in town during that time, and - here's the kicker - says her husband told her she "didn't have to go" since he couldn't be there. Um.. excuse me? Am I alone in thinking that going to a birthday party for a niece is a no brainer, and that she should have planned to come? My feelings are quite hurt by their nonchalance. Are they cold, or am I nuts?
2007-08-05 17:25:03 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think it is a bit sad that she does not come, perfect way to get to know the family. Perhaps your husbands brother thought she may feel a bit left out and wouldn't know anyone if he wasn't there. I think you may be reading too much into it, I am sure that when he gets back, they will be over to see their niece.
2007-08-05 17:29:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are making much too much over a birthday party for a 2 year old - whose only reaction to everyone being there will be that there is a whole lot of hoopla and the focus will be on her. Kids love attention and she would simply enjoy her day. I doubt, at the present, that she knows she has a "birthday party" coming. I don't know when you sent the invites or what you mean when you say "everyone knew the date early". What do you consider early? If your brother has out of town business, that is CERTAINLY more important than a party for a toddler. Your sister-in-law should have RSVPed - to say she had visitors, however her husband is correct that she does not have to go - whether he is there or not. The fact that you have named them as guardians in the event of your death has nothing to do with whether or not they are available for a party. Naturally they love your daughter and will be willing to take care of her, but they are not going to give priority to a party for a two-year-old. A kiddie party is a kiddie party - and should be for kids. If they don't have kids there is really no need for them to be there. It isn't as if she is old enough to entirely realize who they are and make that emotional connection. My sister has four kids and when she decides to have parties she has parties. Neighbors and friends who have kids are invited and those who attend...attend....and those who don't...don't. It is not a personal issue or matter of moral obligation or invites. I don't have kids and she is entirely understanding that I do not have patience and/or cannot always be there and/or cannot always send gifts. I am also godmother to her oldest child. Your family is hardly nonchalant. You just need to get over the feeling that everyone owes your daughter something. Otherwise she will grow up with a sense of entitlement that does not exist...simply making herself obnoxious to everyone else.
2007-08-05 17:44:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If they live in the same town, then yes, I would be quite offended since they've both known for some time. The brother-in-law can't really help going away on business but yes, you're right to feel a bit offended that she isn't coming without him. In fact, if I was the wife in this scenario, I would feel even MORE obliged to go since my husband couldn't. When you're a pair, you kind of feel like you need to "represent" you as a couple at these kind of functions. It's HER neice too and she should take more of an interest in going.
2007-08-05 17:31:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh for petes sake is this really worth the drama? Its a two year old and if you think its worth starting world war III over then you need to grow up. You choose people to raise your kids in the event of your death because they live close to your values and you trust them to love and take care of your kids, not because they attend birthday parties for children who will never remember the day what so ever.
2007-08-05 17:59:34 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First I do agree with you but, maybe she is shy or uncomfortable if she is a "new" wife it may be hard for her to get to know all the new in-laws. I know was very hard for me to do social things with my husbands family at first they are a close knit group and I always felt like an outsider I can not imagine going to a family gathering by myself when we first got married. Maybe you should try going out of your way to be friends with her invite her to go out on a girls night or something.
2007-08-05 17:31:51 · answer #5 · answered by Sarah C 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She is cold and indifferent. Be offended, or let it go. Either way, you're likely to be the only one holding onto bitter feelings. I would talk with your husband regarding your will, and with your brother and sister-in-law. Best not to leave haunting questions unanswered, like, are they going to raise your daughter as you would wish if the worst happened.
2007-08-05 17:46:44 · answer #6 · answered by baxter 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
These kinds of family issues are so ridiculous - guess what they do to me? When my kids have a birthday - I send out invites and they say - OH - I can't make it - but you can come to our house next week instead. You know, if they can't show respect and love to you - they are not the ones to raise your kids if you die - remove them from the will! The last thing you want is someone to raise your kids who resents them existing. If they are hurting you when you're alive - how will they treat your kids when you're dead? I'm sorry - but there are friends we have who are assigned as godparents - not family for reasons like these. People have busy schedules but if they are non-chalant about your children's birthdays - they are not the ones to care for them in your absence. In laws tend to be a pain in the rear like this to alot of us!
2007-08-05 17:31:20 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Drama...I went to my friends sons birthday party...all his wifes sisters showed up with their husbands if they had them...his sisters showed up (2 young for dating) But his brother didnt make the drive up from North Carolina, but that is understandable...
So yeah she should have been there but if she had prior plans cut a bit of slack...
2007-08-05 17:29:27 · answer #8 · answered by JP 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes, you have the right to be offended.
he is the uncle, and not just any uncle, the father's brother. it's perfectly understandable that he couldn't come because he has business to attend to but the wife should have the decency to come. even though he told her she didn't have to go, she should have just went, if she was a decent person. i guess they just didn't think the child's birthday was important enough to attend to...and maybe you should think about letting them raise your child if you and your husband died.^^
2007-08-05 17:33:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it was rude of her not to RSVP and say that she wouldn't be attending, but I don't think it's rude of her not to attend, especially if she's new to the family and doesn't quite know you well yet. She might not feel comfortable with her husband gone - I know I felt that way around my hubby's family when I was new.
2007-08-05 17:28:26 · answer #10 · answered by ~*~ strryeyedgrrl ~*~ 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋