My baby is now 3 weeks old and my mum is staying with me to help take care of him. She wants to do everything herself, bathing, feeding and changing diapers. She even insists on sleeping with the baby at night. Its my first child and I know she is just being helpful, but I hardly have any chance to bond with my baby and this makes me feel miserable. She makes me feel that I am a useless mother especially when she says things like, "You have no idea how to do this, let me take over." And she will just take the baby away from me without giving me a chance to try. I am going back to school in Oct and I really wish to spend as much time as possible with my baby now.
2007-08-05 16:48:04 · 14 answers · asked by serene 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
It is one of two things. First - she is feeling guilty about being a poor mother to you and is trying to make it up to herself by doing the things she knows she should have done for your for your child.
Or, she is right. Sometimes mothers are just intuitively right, and your mother knows you are a poor mother. (Lets hope not, but we all know there are mothers out there reading this right now who are letting their kids roam the streets, who are spending grocery money on drugs, who are beating and hurting their kids)..
Your reference to going back to school kind of puts me on a track............. you are a young kid, probably not 20 yet, and the childs dad is not on the scence. If this is the case, talk to your mom, and tell her not to do it for you, but to show you how. You might really need the help, but she may not know how to give it very well..... You guys will need to talk, but if she gives you grief, you may have to be the parent and tell her you need the help, but cant take it the way she is giving it.
2007-08-05 16:58:08 · answer #1 · answered by k r i s 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, the other answers are great, but I can tell you why.
Your mum can probably still remember doing the same stuff for you that she is doing for your baby. And she can remember the time that you were 3 and got into the cabinet and spilled stuff all over the place, and when you were 5 and took something that didn't belong to you, and when you were 8 and always forgot to bring your homework home, and when you were 10 and had to be told to do something 20 times ... and then still didn't do it right, and when you were 15 and really flubbed up.......She may need to be reminded that you are a 20-something or 30 something year old woman now, and not the irresponsible teen she remembers [Oh, and did I mention that she remembers all the 'awful' mistakes that she felt she made with you when you were a baby - and is trying to prevent that from happening to her grandbaby?]
"Mum. I love you dearly, and I really really do appreciate all of the things you have done for me, and I really really do appreciate that you want to take care of ****. But, Mum, this is my job now, and the sooner you let me do it, the sooner I will get it right. Thank you very much, but how about if you go put your feet up and read for a while."
"And she will just take the baby away from me without giving me a chance to try."
She can't take your baby if you don't let her. So, you may have to pick up your undiapered baby and risk a wet outfit as you walk out of the room to another place where you can close the door and diaper baby yourself, but it'll definitely get the hint across (Doesn't hurt to go in another room and close the door to do anything for a while... but don't forget to give Mum cuddle time)
Are you breastfeeding? That's a great way to 'push' mom out the door - especially if you want privacy (especially if you don't have formula in the house that Mum can undermine your breastfeeding efforts by feeding baby).
By the way, who is taking care of baby starting in Oct. (I ask, because if it is Mum, you'll have to be a lot more subtle about this whole process).
2007-08-05 17:18:22 · answer #2 · answered by hmmmm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i will tell you something that you have heard a million times, they do all of this because they care 'too much' for you and want to play a part in your life. I don't see anything different compared to what my parents do (am 26, lived alone for 7years). They're overprotective and can't accept that they have a grown up daughter that can look after herself (their child is an adult!), so on one side because they still want to take care of you and on the other, because they don't want to feel useless and 'old', they react the way you explained. Try to set a limit and boundaries so that you can give your mum a bit of satisfaction while keeping your ways. For example, if you want the child to be disciplined your way, you have to put your foot down and insist with your mum that the child must not be picked up during time out. But maybe you can give some concessions when your mum is around, for example, let her pick up the child when she is around, at the end of the day she is not there 24/7 so the rest of the time you child will be able to roam free around the house. Give your mum some treats while remaining firm on things that you consider most important. Hope this helps. Take care.
2016-04-01 00:58:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well have you ever done anything in the past that may make your mom feel that you are not responsible in any way.. such as getting pregnant?!? I mean she just wants to help and you never mentioned a father so..maybe she just wants to make sure that your baby is gettting everything that he/she needs. Personally I dont think that i would want my mom stealing my baby away from me all the time, so i would just tell her that you appreciate the help but that if you really need help with something then you could always just give her a call and she could help you that way. I hope everything turns out ok!
2007-08-05 16:59:53 · answer #4 · answered by lax4life<3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The next time your mom does something, you need to tell her that you need to learn how to do it yourself, so it would be much more helpful if she could work in an advisory capacity only. You need to have baby in your room at night so you can get used to it. Tell her that if she's going to do everything herself, how can you be expected to manage once she's gone home again ? You need practical experience. Say " Tell me what to do as I do it".She should be telling you what to do, its no help in doing it all for you, like riding a bike. You won't do it simply by watching someone else doing it. I actually think she's being extremely selfish and inconsiderate. - from grandmother of a three week old boy
2007-08-05 21:13:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have no clue how old you are - but regardless your mom sounds like she is being somewaht overbearing. Are you a young teen mother? If so then yes you will need alot of help - but still yet your mom needs to understand to back off at times and that your natural instincts will kick in and you will get things right.
You need to tell your mom in a firm yet polite manner that you are the mother and that you need to do these things yourself for the baby - but still let her know that you appreciate her help. Its a very fine line there - you dont want to anger your mom, yet you dont want her to take over.
2007-08-05 16:59:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think you just need to tell her how you feel. Make sure you let her know that you really appreciate her helping out, but he is your baby and you need to bond. Tell her she's right you don't know how to do everything and you would love for her to teach you but you can't learn if she just takes over. Some mother's can be very overbearing, I know my mom grits her teeth and bites her tongue alot of the time even though I am doing nothing wrong. She says it is harder to watch her grandbabies be upset then her own children, even she doesn't really understand why.
2007-08-05 16:54:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should just tell her that you need a chance to bond with your baby and that you appreciate her help but you would rather her give you a chance to try things yourself. If you need help she could show you how to do it. I think it is just a mom thing, you just have to tell her.
2007-08-05 16:54:14 · answer #8 · answered by Destiny 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mother in the morning to go home. Thanks for the help Mom, but I'd like to take over now. If she wants to stay, tell her that you would prefer she let you care for the baby and she can help with other household chores. Really insist upon it.
2007-08-05 16:52:27 · answer #9 · answered by CarbonDated 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My first answer is "lucky you!" I was soo tired after my first child I had a hard time coping! Be kind to your mom ask her for guidance remind her that she gets to stay with him while your at school - I'm assuming this - be firm - he is your child - enjoy your Mom and your child - take pictures of her changing him whatever............family is good
2007-08-05 17:05:26 · answer #10 · answered by cynthhope 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋