I hate being like this. It has gotten to the point where in the rare occassions that I do show affection, my parents or others are suspicious. Sometimes I want to be affectionate, I want to show my love, but I am so afraid of rejection and looking stupid. I don't have any trouble showing affection towards animals or family pets. I know this sounds stupid, but it's a reality for me. How can I learn to become more affectionate, expressive to others?
2007-08-05 16:04:34 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
my brother came back from the army and he has this problem too he doesn't hug or tell you he love you and he doesn't even act the same anymore almost like a stranger that i have just meet i don't know what to tell you but good luck
2007-08-05 16:12:46 · answer #1 · answered by mother love 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not stupid at all.
I guess I would show affection towards family more often, they may start to learn that you're being sincere and just weren't expressing yourself before. or they may think you just didn't care before, but either way, they will gradually get used to you expressing your emotions in a positive way.
from there you can move on to friends, and ::gasp:: romantic interests. I still have a problem with the romantic interests one.
Treat it as a give and take. You and a friend may share something small, then share something a little bigger.. don't jump right in or you might feel like you've become totally exposed. You and the other person will gradually share more and more.
It sounds like you've been hurt in the past. If someone rejects you, it has nothing to do with you, it's THEM.
YOU are the most important person in your life. If someone rejects you or thinks you look stupid, it's not you, it's THEIR perception and they way THEY think. Not the way YOU are.
If they reject you, you don't need them. Believe me, you don't need them. There's a lot of people in the world. Which ones matter is up to you.
I think you feel like if you open yourself up you'll be vulnerable. When someone else has a problem, listen (and help them if its possible). Now that they know they can share with you, you can build trust by the both of you sharing.
But remember all of this is gradual and takes time.
2007-08-05 16:32:09 · answer #2 · answered by Persephone 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, this is not stupid at all! You just need to get some help. Maybe you should make an appointment with a counselor and /or a psychiatrist. A counselor can give you strategies on how to express your feelings and become more affectionate toward others one step at a time! They might also give you some ways on how to express your emotions in a way that you feel comfortable with and so that people can understand the way you feel. Keeping all of these feelings inside is not really a good thing because it can eventually be self-destructive. Like some people want something to do to alleviate their pain (i.e. smoking, drinking, doing drugs) . That is why you need to get help right away. Also, a psychiatrist can examine you to determine what treatment plan you can be on depending on any symptoms (including emotional or physical symptoms that you are feeling). I hope this helps! You are within my prayers and I hope you get better real soon!
2007-08-05 16:52:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most of us have been rejected at some point in our life its not a easy thing to deal with. I went though the same thing when I was in my teen into my early adult life. I started doing some soul searching and writing, I wanted to know why I had a problem expressing my feelings and showing affection to people who expressed it to me. What I found though my writing was there many times I was rejected by people I really wanted to be close to. What they did was use me then walked out of my life. So I backed off from anyone who really cared. I got over that because I learned though my writing that I'm okay. Writing helped me deal with what I went though in the past there fore I was able to let it go. I decided to be myself and to love me. I now let those who are close to me know how I feel about them. I do things for people I know and don't know. And if someone ask for a hug I give it to them. I no longer worry about rejection.
2007-08-05 16:37:33 · answer #4 · answered by gizmoe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At some point in your life you were taught that it wasnt safe to show your love. You might have been hurt bad enough to close up to anyone who might reject you. As for only showing love easily towards animals Im the same way. They cant reject you the same way people can so it makes perfect sense. Personally the only way I have been able to start working through my emotional issues is to go to therapy. Learning to trust my therapist has been crucial because all other people in my life had betrayed me in some way. Try and talk it out and get to the bottom of things and this usually means starting at the beginning in childhood. Things will get better hang in there.
2007-08-05 16:14:26 · answer #5 · answered by b 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm a firm believer in the fact that our brain keeps us from doing things we really want to do. Like quitting smoking....It takes all you have but you can tell yourself to stop. Any time you come up against a situation where you want to not be affectionate, just tell yourself what is important and over come the situation. Being affectionate takes practice. I used to only be able to date men that were jerks and now I have a really great guy who cares for me and is incredibly understanding,,,It took some time. but I have become a lot more affectionate and not affraid to show some affection in return. It does take time and practice...just make your brain do what you want. you're in charge....good luck!
2007-08-05 16:24:42 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm the same way. Don't be too hard on yourself. When you say that others are suspicious, that just might be your perception, not really how things are. Some people are just not affectionate and that's ok.
2007-08-05 16:13:30 · answer #7 · answered by Nels 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first love yopurself and get caring about your appearnaces and the way you live and interact with yourself and others..do things you have denied for youself..then the flow of affection and caring will begin in spurts..each day remind yourself to eject all illwill and doubts about others,,pardon them immediately and move ahead..see how the fountain of 'love' blooms within you..not show off but subtle..others are so used to your other self that the moment you start taking care of you they will see the transformation..go to people who understand you or stangers first to show affection ..serve others aged ..it will bring inner strenghth to go ahead..best wishes..
2007-08-05 16:12:09 · answer #8 · answered by doctor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a fear of rejection. Pets will never reject you, so you are comfortable giving affection to them. Talk to a councellor, they can help.
weblifecoach@hotmail.com
http://www.onlinelifecoach.org
2007-08-06 02:23:27 · answer #9 · answered by onlinelifecoach 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it sounds stupid, but I do think you need to talk to a counselor and find out why this is happening.
2007-08-05 16:11:47 · answer #10 · answered by MadforMAC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋