Should I call the wedding off?

Question

I'm suppose to get married in September, but my fiance's sister just got married yesterday. After the wedding was over, I felt worn out and I didn't even stand in the wedding. I felt worn out from watching all the proceedings you have to go through (organizing right attire, caterers, getting to the church on time) just to get married.
Now I want to call off my wedding.....any advice? I even skipped out on the reception because I didn't want anybody asking about my upcoming wedding.
(My fiance doesn't want a small wedding.)

I'm a female. Notice my nickname. :)

Yes, I do love him very much and want to spend the rest of my life with him....I've always wanted a small, simple wedding, but he has a huge family and he doesn't want to make them feel bad and now we have a lot of bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Answer 1

I dont think you should call it off just because all the planning is overwhelming. maybe push it back if you are feeling rushed, but dont call off the whole thing. all the planning and hustle doesnt change the fact that you love your fiancee.

Answer 2

I am planning our wedding at the moment so understand how you feel! Sometimes I will be thinking about all the things that need doing and I do feel overwhelmed but I don't feel like calling it off. I would see this as a sign that you are not ready and may feel pressured into having a big wedding if that is what your other half wants. Maybe if calling it off seems a bit extreme then talking to him about toning the whole thing down so that the pressure does not feel as bad. Are you definite you want to marry him? Just because you love him and want to be with him, this does not automatically mean marriage should be the next step, despite what others think. The problem with weddings is that families sometimes make the day more stressful without even realising they are doing it and this can make you lose sight of what is important. This wedding could mean the end of you both if you end up resenting him for wanting the big wedding. I think you need to really think about what you want, sometimes we forget who we are when planning something this huge. Just think about what you want and be honest with your fiance. Good luck.

Answer 3

No need to call off the whole wedding! I'm assuming you mean the ceremonial part, right? You still love this girl and you want to marry her, I assume.

In a relationship, you must have compromise. Did you guys sit down and discuss your wants as far as the ceremony? Did going to this wedding change your mind completely about how you want your wedding to be? If so, sit down and talk to her about it. You also should make sure that it wasn't because you were in a crabby mood or feeling somewhat "anti-social" that day (we all have those days). If this is honestly something you are not looking forward to, you sould make changes ASAP.

As a girl, I know how much it means to have the "wedding of your dreams," but as a girlfriend/future wife, I know how important it is to have compromise in a relationship. I hope she knows this :) She may be disappointed, but she should agree to maybe cut down the guest list at least! You also don't want to rob her of an entire wedding ceremony. Just ask if you guys can cut down the wedding size and make it more intimate. Be sure to pitch in some ideas too, don't just say, "Hey. Let's make this wedding small, ok?" Come up with ideas and good reasons for wanting a smaller wedding. "Well, honey, we can spend a little more on the food." or "We can save some of the money for the house" or "I think a more intimate setting will be a lot more romantic and memorable."

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

Organising a wedding doesn't have to be stressful - you just have to be organised about it. My husband and I had less than 8 months between engagement and wedding and for most of that time I didn't make or think about any arrangements.

Go to www.weddingtracker.co.uk or www.confetti.co.uk and get a list of everything that needs to be done, then customise it for your own wedding. A lot of things on the list can be taken off straight away because really they are over the top and laughable! Then just work out exactly what you and your fiancé want/need and go from there. Just work through the list methodically and it will soon all be done.

And on the day itself nothing feels like a chore - just make sure you don't have anything to do other than get yourself ready. Arrange for someone else to come and do your hair and make up and sit back and relax!

But if you and your fiancé have such radically different ideas of what you want for your wedding then you need to sit down and have a good discussion about it all and find a compromise - for example we had a biggish wedding but later in the day and with a posh buffet not a sit down meal to make it less formal and long.

You shouldn't be bullied into a wedding you aren't happy with, because that WILL cause you stress. Your wedding day should be something you think forward to with joy not dread and should leave only wonderful memories behind it.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

Answer 5

Wow. This is a really big decision and I think it is something that you and yor fiancee should talk about. And with a wedding in September, a lot of the planning should have been in the process or done already. But, besides the fact. Weddings are a really special time. You won't even realize all of the stress and commotion while you are in the moment. Like I said before, this is a HUGE decision and should be talked through with your fiancee because he has a right to have some input too. It sounds like a little case of cold feet. Good Luck.

Answer 6

I don't know that would be a valid reason to call off the whole wedding. Do you love your fiance? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her? If you answer yes to both of those questions, then move forward with the marriage. After all, the wedding is only a day. The marriage is a life time. However, in proceeding, I do recommend a lot of open communication and compromise on the wedding details.

Answer 7

I think that you need to sit down and have a serious talk with your fiance about it and tell him that you don't want to have a big wedding and that you would rather have a small one and then maybe have a big party or go out to dinner with all your friends and family at a later date.

You need to tell him as soon as possible about the way you are feeling so that if he agrees things can be changed etc.
Tell him that you were over whelmed by his sisters wedding and you don't feel as if you can through something like that. Tell him that you love him and that planning a wedding is hard enough, but the thought of a big wedding is really stressing you out and you feel as if you can not handle it.

Also if would be a good idea if you talk to your mum and your friends about how you are feeling as they may be able to help you.

The thing is you need to do this sooner rather than later as your wedding is in September

Answer 8

Dear Scottswoman,

Let me begin by echoing the sentiments of many on these pages: the reasons you've provided for not wanting to go through with your impending nuptials don't seem to add up to never after--unless you have other, more personal doubts not detailed here.

You say your fiance doesn't want a small wedding, but just because he doesn't want a small one, doesn't mean he can't force you to have a huge one! It takes two, and two who can be honest with each other and communicate and come to a decision that's reasonably comfortable for both parties.

Now for something you may not have considered: if you do decide that it's all too much for you and you want to back out, here's the work you will have to embark upon in order to cancel your wedding:

- Break the news to your fiance and family
- Send formal cancellations (just like the invitations) to all of your guests
- Return all gifts, unregister
- Return any formal wear you purchased or cancel any rental arrangements you've made
- Contact and inform any companies or individuals who were set to lend their services at your wedding (officiant, photographer, videographer, musicians, venue operators, travel companies, car rental companies, airlines, etc.) that this event will no longer be taking place. You may or may not get deposits or payments back.

When all is said and done, the complexity of the task at hand (either walking down the aisle or calling the whole thing off) should not be a factor at this stage; it all comes down to whether or not this is the person you truly want to be with for the rest of your life. You owe it to yourself and to your fiance to come up with a definitive answer to that question as soon as possible.

Best,

GG

Answer 9

It's natural to feel overwhelmed when you're talking about a wedding - it's a big deal. Don't beat yourself up about the way you are feeling because everyone goes through it at some point - trust me :-). This would be a great time to practice those communication skills with your fiance. Talk to him about your concerns - tell him how you feel. Most important, listen to him and hear his feelings and concerns. Marriage is a two-way street and while your feelings are important, so are his. There has to be compromise on both sides. After all, this is his wedding too. If the two of you can get through this - then I think you have a bright future ahead of you. Besides, there's more to marriage than a wedding. If you love him then work through it and try not to worry so much.
Good Luck!

Answer 10

Why not sit down with your fiance and tell him how you feel? I have known of loads of people get married abroard (or even in gretna green) and come back to a party after the ceremony.

Its not fair you are being pushed into something that you do not want to do. Does your fiance know how you feel? You really need to talk to him before its too late and you recent him pushing you into a wedding that you do not want. It should be a decision that you have come up with together - not him making all the arrangments. If thats how you base your life then you are going to be pushed into other things that you are not happy with unless you speak up.

If you chat to your fiance, then maybe you can come up with another plan between you? It sounds as though your thoughts and wishes havent been taken into consideration.

Answer 11

I wouldn't call the entire wedding off just for feeling stressed over having to plan everything. Talk to your fiance about maybe pushing the date back to allow you more time to plan the wedding and to save alittle more money. Planning a big wedding requires a good amount of time, I'd say at least a year. My wedding was going to be in Sept. 08' and I was also starting to feel the stress of everything. So I discussed pushing back the wedding till early 09' with my fiance and he completely agreed. Talk to your fiance, he might be feeling the same way you are. Good luck.