Question #1 on relationship etiquitte?

Question

#1) if you have a really great friend, but her kids are uncontrolable (to the point of being violent when they get angry)and a bad influence on MY kids. Is it appropriate to be her friend and be 'busy' when she wants to go to the park or city with the kids and just see her when the kids are in school. If she asks, I will say 'i feel the dynamics of our kids together don't working that well'

Answer 1

Hmmm...that is a toughy becuase you don't want to hurt her feelings...but..i think the whole thing about pretending your busy when she calls is okay as long as your kids don't catch on and blab to her kids...that could be dangerous...but, i think if she confronts her about it, be as polite as you possibly can, and remember it is a tough situation....good luck

Answer 2

Your children and your life take first regard. Having your children around such a bad influence is never appropriate. And you should start reconsidering whether this is a "great" friend any longer. Your family dynamics take first thought and you should consider continuing to pull away. Relationships change as you have children and differing rules in parenting will always make a difference in the continuation of that relationship. Make a decision on this and it may mean losing that friend.

Answer 3

I agree with you entirely, but as she is a real friend, you might want to casually chat about the situation with her kids being out of control. First try to learn if she sees it as a problem? If so, ask what can you do to help her. If she doesn't, make it clear that you do and you need to keep your kids safe.

Telling her the dynamics aren't good is very diplomatic, just be careful that she does get the message, because it's not doing her or her children any good if the situation is left as is.