DRUNK MAN
There was this guy who was always out drinking with his friends and going home late, one night his mate Smila asked "How do you get away with going home so late and being sloshed as a fart.?" The guy Say's "Well I sneak into the house, sneak upstairs, gently pull back the covers and give my wife the best oral she's ever had. Then I go wash up and go to bed by the time morning comes she doesn't care that I came in late and sloshed" That night Smila, running a bit late and well sloshed and woried his wife will freak, sneaks into the house goes upstairs, gently pulls back the covers and give's her the best oral she's ever had. He goes to the bathroom to wash up and his wife comes in "Why aren't you sleeping.?" Smila says. "I just came in to tell you" says his wife "I'm sleeping on the couch and you'll be in the spare room tonight as my mother is staying over and she's in the bed."
2007-08-05 14:30:23 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
I didn't laugh-I guess it was mildly funny. It's just a bit gross, that's all.
2007-08-05 14:51:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh gross... I was eating. Okay, okay... it was kinda funny. I only smiled but that's pretty good - I'll give ya a star.
2007-08-06 01:10:17 · answer #2 · answered by THATgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww fruit flies...... How bout some blonde jokes......
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her.
She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, now she's angry!
She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and points to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!"
"Shut up," she says, "You're next."
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What do you call an eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First
Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours, they saw a sign that said "Disneyland left." So they turned around and went home.
What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.
What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
Oh,look, Daddy....doughnut seeds!
Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
Why can't blondes dial 911?
They can't find the 11 on the phone.
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!
How can you tell if a blonde's been using your computer?
There is white-out all over the monitor.
Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
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A blonde and a brunnette were walking outside when the brunnette said,"Oh, look at the dead bird." The blonde looked skyward and said, "Where? Where?"
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How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.
Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Hear about the blonde who got an AM radio?
Took her a month to figure out she could play it at night.
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey team?
They drowned during spring training.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Duh! Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!"
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Tuesday.
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A Blonde says to a brunette, ''Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.''The brunette says, ''Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.''
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A blonde was having sharp pains in her side.
The doctor examined her and said, ''You have acute appendicitis.''
The blond yelled at the doctor...
''I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!!''
A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop.
The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun.
So he told her all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.
After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.
"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."
"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"
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Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent," They throw the switch and nothing happens.
They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.
Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Alabama, Huntsville and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."
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Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman."
She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.
The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.
"Well," he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?"
"I just want to know why you can't ring the bell for yourself?"
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Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
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Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An air bag.
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A blonde walks into a barber shop one day and asks the man if she can get her hair cut. The man says "Well ma'am, I can't cut your hair with those head-phones on. You're going to have to take them off."
She shakes her head vigorously and replies "No, if I take them off, I will die." He put his hands on his hips and ripped them off of her head. She fell to the floor and died. He was extremely surprised and picked up the head-phones.
All he heard was "Breathe in, breathe out, breath in...
Q: What is the diffrence between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been seen.
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A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease.
"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"
"That's easy," he replied. "You ask them a simple question which everyone should be able to answer with no trouble. If they hesitate, that puts you on the right track."
"What sort of question would you ask Doctor?"
"Well, you might ask them..."
"Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them.
Which one?"
The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh -
"You wouldn't happen to have another example would you?"
"I must confess I don't know much about history."
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A blonde's house is on fire. She calls 911 and says, "My house is on
fire." The dispatcher says, "Well, can you tell me how we get there?"
"Duhhhh, in the big red trucks, of course!"
2007-08-08 17:18:37 · answer #3 · answered by russbillen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG! i ca'nt breathe! that's sooooo funny! i'm gonna have to remember that one....=] a star for you!!!
2007-08-05 23:18:23 · answer #4 · answered by Lizard_Luver 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats funny lol
2007-08-05 22:18:05 · answer #5 · answered by miss me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
kakaakakaakaakaka!
2007-08-06 01:06:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
haha ewww :)
2007-08-05 22:02:23 · answer #7 · answered by gothpunkrocker91 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oooooooohhhhhhh..........
2007-08-09 18:46:41 · answer #8 · answered by Chloe Anne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋