My BF and I have been together for 6 years. I DO NOT want to cheat on him. But I am curious about experience other things sexually. I'd like to experience 3 somes, swinging, & group sex.
He is the only man that I've ever been with, Im 26 years old and I want to experience these things while Im still young. I dont want to cheat on him. I love him very much, and I do want to be with him. He has clearly expressed that he doesnt want to experience these things. So what do I do?? It is selfish for me to break off our relationship to test the waters. Yet it is selfish on his part if he says i have to choose. I want to experience these things yet I dont want to lose him. I need help this is a hard one.
2007-08-05 11:17:01 · 22 answers · asked by BabyMomma 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You have to ask yourself a few questions here. Because I can tell you after having gotten married to a person at the age of 20, (which is similar to what you have done by staying together the past 6 years) I realized some extremely important things about myself that had changed as I got older. When you are 20, you go into a relationship thinking that you know what you want but you have not experienced enough of life yet to be sure. That is why you are questioning now. My advice to you is that you re-evaluate your relationship. You obviously are not satisfied if you are desiring other things. And it is ok to desire other things. You don't have to listen to people judge you for wanting something else. He may have been a great guy for that period of your life but there are alot of great guys out there. And if you don't allow yourself to experience the things you desire now, then you will resent your life later. And you will resent him for it as well... no matter how much you love him now. The point is that you HAVE to make a choice. You have already asked him and he says no. So that means you cannot do both and leave with your karma and integrity intact. And it is ok to choose your freedom if that is what you want. But it is not ok to cheat. That is deception. Wanting to experience life (the good, bad & ugly) is a perfectly natural thing... but not at the expense of someone else.
So choose. But base your decision on what is real. Do you really love him or is it just a comfortable situation where you don't want to be alone? This decision takes bravery and a lot of thought because you will be choosing a situation where you will have to give up everything you know for the unknown.
It is ok though. You are not a bad person girlfriend. Don't listen to all that garbage. Be independent and do what you need to do in order to be ok with yourself. Because that is what it all boils down to. And if that means you need to experiment, then so be it (but be safe and smart about it). Because when you have experienced all those things, then you will know what you do and don't want and you will be more secure in the decisions you make for your long term future. Good luck.
2007-08-05 11:37:19 · answer #1 · answered by Raye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm trying to decide if this is a troll or not. On the chance that it isn't...
You have to decide which you want more, a string of one night stands, whether with some other guy (or the local college football team, or even with the cheerleaders thrown in too), or stay loyal to the guy you've been with for 6 years, the one you say you love.
Part of being an adult is realizing that there are things that you want to do, but in all likelihood will never experience. But if you have a good relationship with this guy, why not make the most of it? If he's not into swinging or threesomes, try some other form of adventure. Surprise him with something skimpy. Try to duplicate a scene you see in a movie. Find a secluded beach on a moonlit night (but bring a big blanket to spread out on the sand - trust me on this on, OK?). Use your imagination.
2007-08-05 11:28:34 · answer #2 · answered by Ralfcoder 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's made his opinion pretty clear and simple. If you engage in these activity's then he will be out of your life. He love's you and only you and doesn't want to compete with other people for your attention. Is he being selfish for not wanting to particapate in these activity's? I don't think so. Would you want him messing around with other women to see if they are better then you? How do you think that would make you feel? If you really do love him,Then why do you feel the need to shop around and compare,when you say your with the man you want to be with? That doesn't make much sense to me. Are you trying to go out of your way to make him feel jealous or inadaequate? And if you do break off your relationship with him to test the waters as you put it,do you think he'll ever trust you again? Do you think he will still be there for you when your done fooling around? He loves you and wants you and only you. Isn't that the way a serious relationship is suppouse to be? You say that you don't want to cheat on him,but want to have sex with other people. Isn't that the deffinition of cheating? If you don't want to lose him,then give up these fantasies and see him for the man that he really is. He is a man who loves you and wants to be with YOU !! Isn't that what you want as well?? You already know what the right thing to do here is,don't you?? Then do it already !! I hope that this has helped you and I wish you well in the future !!
2007-08-05 11:46:56 · answer #3 · answered by master_escrimador 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should respect that he does not want to experience these things. It would not be very nice if he did it to you and you didn't want to experiment sexually.... But, before you go ahead and test the waters, explain to him how you feel and that you don't want to drag him through this and see what he says from there, but be prepared to not have a relationship with him after that. I went through the same thing a few years ago, I'm not in that relationship anymore, now she regrets what she did and wants to get back together, but it's just too late.
Good Luck
2007-08-05 11:24:09 · answer #4 · answered by 3rd LIFE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is definitely a hard decision, I personally would not give up my relationship, it is SO hard to find someone that's perfect for you. I know what you're going through because I'm actually younger than you and I've been with my bf for 4 years. Is this something new you've been going through, if yes, then give it some time you might change your mind after a while. If not, maybe you could try being more adventurous in the bedroom.
2007-08-05 11:26:23 · answer #5 · answered by DL4evr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too. If you have found someone special enough to be together for six years I would just forget about other people and try spicing up your sexual encounters with each other. do role-playing. But my ex bf wanted to see what else was out there and when we tried to get back together there was a lot of resentment, most of which on his part. He was fine with him seeing and having relationships with other women, but when I tried dating some other guys he was incredibly jealous. So I guess you have to ask yourself if in a year you will be ok with getting back together knowing that while you still had feeling for each other, he was in bed with 5 other women. Good luck to the both of you. I hope you find what you are looking for.
2007-08-05 11:24:03 · answer #6 · answered by kailey b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know you're going to experiment. So, the fair thing to do is to break up with him and get it out of your system. If he was all you needed in your life, then you wouldn't want to do these other things. He may be the right guy, but it's the wrong time your life to commit to him and only him. At least when you do decide to settle down, you'll have gotten through your phase of experimentation.
2007-08-05 11:23:43 · answer #7 · answered by Jennifer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't experience those things, and you say that you really do want to; then you will feel let down to not try them... and you will only take it out on your boyfriend. If he truly doesn't want to be as adventerous as you, then I don't see much hope for your relationship.
The threesome you have fantasies about is that 2 guy and you? or your guy/you/another girl? If you have put it out there as another guy/your guy/you... maybe you could change that to another girl/your guy/you... if that experience works out, maybe it will melt his resistence to the other experiences you want.
If he still says no, then you will have to determine if you want the sexual experiences, more than you want your boyfriend... because that is the line in the sand.
good luck.
2007-08-05 11:26:10 · answer #8 · answered by momndad42 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you will never be satisfied until you try these things. And if you get married without trying them, you will start to resent him for being the cause of missing out on them. Better to do them now before you are married than afterwards. Yes it's still cheating. And you will feel guilty. But you can then decide whether you want to keep it your secret or fess up to him.
2007-08-05 11:23:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Question for you is: Why do you need to experience these things? And what happens after you do? You are so lucky to have a good relationship this long - and you want to jeopardize it for sexual fantasies? That's horrible. Appreciate what you have. If it gets to the point where you can longer handle the relationship aspect and desperately need to fulfill your fantasies - then maybe you should leave... for your boyfriend's sake.
2007-08-05 11:21:19 · answer #10 · answered by ♥michele♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋