Why do you think toddlers (and kids in general) are all about pushing boundries?

Question

I just posted a Q about a 2 day "trial" my 3 year old and I had where she was trying to see what she could get away with... LOL.. (shaking my head - stubborn one she is..) And I'm all about consistancy and not giving in.. (wonder where she got that stubborn streak?)

So why do you think kids, especially toddlers, are consumed with pushing to see how far they can "stretch" the rules?

Answer 1

Children push boundaries because they are testing to see how far they can go. This is a normal part of development for all children. Some parents get angry and think children are being disrespectful and react to it by punishing them negatively. If parents were to look at this kind of behavior as a normal part of childhood development they would be able to maintain control and help the child make better choices. Children don't know or aren't born knowing what is acceptable behavior or boundaries so we have to tell them "what to do" rather than telling them "what not to do".When you tell a child what not to do, you are giving her negative attention...plus telling them what not to do...doesn't tell them "what to do". An example of this (and try it your self and you'll see the difference in behavior) is when your child is running in the house, rather than saying, "Don't run!" you can tell them what to do. You can say, "walk!" automatically you'll see the the child walk. Its ok if you repeat yourself if the child is testing boundaries she'll continue to run. Then you can say, "would you like me to hold your hand and walk or would you like to walk on your own?" Children under the age of six are searching to be autonomous (they want to do it on their own) This is why choices (that you set up) work so well with young children. They are so eager to make their own choices. It makes them feel big. Another popular phrase used by parents is, "your mean or rude." these phrases only judge making the child feel bad or defensive. ITs not helpful its hurtful instead. It doesn't tell the child what to do. Instead you can say, "You can give her the doll in her hand. The doll is for playing. The doll is not a ball. Lets go outside and play catch the ball. It all depends on the situation and its important that adults and teachers are there to see what happens when children make the wrong choice so that the teacher or parent can guide the child to problemsolve. Children are not stubborn they are persistent and it's a good thing. That means that the child doesn't give up very easily. This is part of a childs temperment. It's important not to label your child as "stubborn or tell anyone else that your child is stuborn because it gives her a negative image. Teachers should never label a child as stubborn as well. Instead you can say "My child very persistent." This says that she doesn't give up very eaisily. This is not a bad quality. The label stubborn is negative. Understanding your childs temperment is essential part of guiding your child positively. There are lots of good books that explain temperment in children. Good luck

Answer 2

Sure, think about it this way they are miniature human beings trying to figure out the world. We have no prior experience built into us it's all brand new. Add to that the fact that we are an extremely intelligent species. We are naturally curious, want to know how things work, how to get them, where they go etc. If left to our own devices (without any supervision) we are in trouble. We need the big humans (aka adults) to guide us and show us what's ok, what's not and help us find a appropriate outlet for our curiosity. They aren't always going to like the interference but they'll get over it. Studies have also shown that children that have pushovers as parents are actually quite anxious when compared to children of stricter parents. Meaning that while on the outside these children appear brazen and defiant it's only masking the extreme anxiety they are feeling because they aren't safe or are unsure of how to behave.

Answer 3

I agree its about growing up, showing independence and all kids do it! However I also feel its about testing the boundaries are still there and feeling secure when they are!!!! - in my experience children who are most insecure test the boundaries more and push further. Children who are happy and settled will push but generally test and then work with you once they see the lines are still the same. The children I have worked with are extremely happy when the boundaries are consistent firm but fair. Quite naturally your toddler was seeing if your rules were secure - well done for sticking by them!

Answer 4

I HATE while mom and father prepare their young ones in such disgraceful factors of our worldwide! that's awful! There are some circumstances like i've got important an episode the place the mummy performs mutually along with her little woman and he or she does not positioned makeup on her and the infant is totally mannered. So she gained grand appropriate. and then i've got obtrusive circumstances the area the director asks extremely woman "are you beautiful?" And the female crying saying "you communicate i'm no longer alluring i'm continuously beautiful" and starts off throwing a tantrum. Then there is situations while infants gets bribed with funds, toys and that junk. UGH! and then there is THE WORST situations! have you ever adult males important the episode with little Mia? OMG! Her mom gets indignant while the director is going "thank you bypass over Mia" and repeats by using certainty that Mia obtained added time. Then there would desire to be the mummy interior the dressing room "THEY HATE HER THEY HATE HER" so undesirable Mia sneaks out. Crowning time- her mom leaves and her great bro is so supportive. She gained Minnie appropriate. Mia replaced into as quickly as so proud considering the indisputable fact that the pagent had countless numbers of ladies human beings- notwithstanding HER mom IS LIKE " i've got 5 one thousand's funds that may not something" and then suitable right here i'm ITS MIAS funds! "i opt for to apply it for sea worldwide!"- Mia. SO NO PAGEANTS ARE an entire shame different than YOU deal along with your teenager properly and unlike you acceptance AND funds MAKER!

Answer 5

Hmmm I guess its all about growing up. My 17 m/o is turning into a monster at the moment!! talk about the terrible twos!!! Consistency on your part helps - they actually NEED to learn the boundaries of acceptable behaviour!

Answer 6

It's funny to see Mom and Dad getting all worked up... It really is, they think it's funny!! Most parents say "One more time, and your in big trouble".... never happens.. I think there isn't enough discipline. We let our kids get away with too much...

Answer 7

That's the way they learn those boundaries. Which are set in stone; which are more elastic. Keep it up. It will help to give her a solid foundation in adulthood.

Answer 8

its just a way to connect with the parent to see how far they can go before giving in. if you give in all the time then they know they can beg you whenever they want and you'll cave

Answer 9

It's nature's way of letting them grow. Like a plant with tendrils, movin' and a groovin', and we get to fence it in, prune it and shape it. We're gifted with being in charge of their development.
Good, mom.

Answer 10

Because the rules parents set for their kids in hopes of protecting them merely restrain them. You're too strict.