My partner & I have been together 2yrs, I have a 5 1/2yr old son. My partner has never been a child-orientated person & has always struggled with the demands & constrains that having a child puts on you. We seems to have very little "us" time & have lost being a loving, happy couple. Its like we just live together, we both still love each other very much!! I feel stuck in the middle, resenting my son & angry at my partner for not being more child oriented(she was raised JD & an only child too). I'm sad & tied as is she & its hard not knowing what to do. I want to relationship back like it was in the beining....relationships are always more exciting at the start, its just trying to keep it that way & in reality it cant be, due to the demands that life, work & family places on you!!!!
2007-08-05 09:09:08 · 16 answers · asked by Denise S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My son is a loving,happy child & he knows he's loved by me regardless of my problems!!!!
2007-08-05 20:06:40 · update #1
You resent your 5 year old child? You do realize he didnt ask for any of this or for you to be his mother. You should be ashamed of yourself. Get counseling now before you do more harm to this boy. Your responsibility is to him first, not to this man or yourself.
2007-08-05 09:22:38 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 5⤊ 2⤋
This situation has happened to almost all couples. Finding a happy medium can be a tough one but if both parties are willing...it'll happen. When you said that you are finding yourself resenting your son...that's a bit scary. You're baby is there and was from the start. It's not like that was a suprise or something and if you're partner is having problems now...what's it gonna be like later when your baby is older and really needs that support. Your child will grow up feeling that resentment and will have to live with that knowledge. Can you and your partner start planning and scheduling a night or two a week just for yourselves? Hire a babysitter and plan time away just for yourselves? Even if its just a walk or a drive or even time to lock yourselves in the bedroom to lay around all day. The rest of the week is family time and if you and your partner sit down and discuss ways to alleviate some of this family stress...both of you discussing what bothers you and then both coming up with solutions that might help will make you feel connected with each other as a team.
2007-08-05 09:37:01 · answer #2 · answered by aknana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you feel that this is a long term relationship? or has it run it's course? A frank talk with your partner about how they feel about the responsibilities, and everything that goes with raising a child is in order. What are your own expectations for this relationship? If you feel that your relationship is important, and that the demands of your child are making it difficult, you could arrange other care for one day or evening a week. That could be your "fun couple" time. But if your partner is not willing to negotiate SOME private time/vs ALL private time. Your choice is between your child and your partner. Living your life torn between two people you love is not going to work. Resenting your child and being angry at your partner is not the life you want to live. You cannot demand your partner love and assume responsibility for your child. They either will or they won't. It may be a deal-breaker for them and the sooner your sort out what each of you want, the better it will be for all involved.
2007-08-05 09:35:33 · answer #3 · answered by Caper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to put your love life on hold and raise your child. The child should come first, since he was there before any partner. Your love life is causing you to resent your child, and your child didn't ask to be brought into a situation where mom and dad weren't married. Not to be hard on you, but please no more resenting the child. This is not your child's fault. My next bit of advice is if you choose to date before your child is grown, as you stated your "partner has never been a child oriented person". Which makes me wonder why you picked someone such as that in the first place. So if you do choose to date before the child is grown, pick someone who's child oriented. But my best advice is for you to wait until your son is 18, so he can be number 1 in your life.
2007-08-05 10:16:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow!!! Listen son,I'm just presuming you're a guy, if not sorry. Your son should always come first and foremost. He is your blood, the fruit of your loins. He's still just a baby and needs you. A 5 1/2 yr. old should be in bed by 8 o'clock. That's the time you set aside for your partner. I'd definitely make sure I set aside time for my son. A son is a son forever, partners can come and partners may go, but blood is definitely a stronger influence.
2007-08-05 10:02:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a psychological point of view that heady begninning stage is meant to be a whole chemical feel good rush, they all it pair bonding and unfortunate though it is, we just could not sustain that level of intensity and arousal. Shame though - love that bit myself.
After that the stage moves onto pair maintenence where people have much more realistic view of their partner rather than rose tinted specs etc and life as you describe kicks in. It ain't just you but most people.
In your case though it worries me that you seem in the middle because your first concern should be your child. Partners come and go or at least could. Your son is your son for life - his interests and needs should come first. Having a step mum who resents him and makes no effort is clearly not in HIS best interests. If it was me I would ditch a mediocre relationship (Or a great one for that matter) if my daughter's needs were so thwarted.
JMHO
2007-08-05 09:15:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your partner hasn't accepted your 5 and half yr old son by now, it is time to move on. He will never accept him. A parent who is faced with this should tell the partner that if he wanted the parent to choose between him and the parent's child, the partner should lose everytime. The kids always, let me repeat that, the kids ALWAYS come first.
2007-08-05 10:54:45 · answer #7 · answered by budinok 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes new partners forget that when you get involved with a parent...you get the whole package.
I'm sorry to say that I know of no method that can get us out of that dilemma.
I think it might be an idea to try and sit down and talk about this reality and where your relationship can go within these confines. You know it is not your child's fault so don't make guilt for yourself by allowing yourself to think so for even a second.
Good luck.
2007-08-05 09:14:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
find something that works for all of you. Get your partner more involved with your child and have a family fun day out then when you get home hopefully your little one would be so exhausted from their fab day that they will have an early night allowing you and your partner quality time together. Lite some candles and watch a film.
2007-08-05 10:01:10 · answer #9 · answered by >ella~bella< 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you resent you son?
your partner knew you had a child when you got together...you came as a package and you can leave as a package.
You need to do whats right for your son. And if that means that your need to be in this relationship comes last then so be it.
2007-08-08 09:47:19 · answer #10 · answered by charli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
'don't resent your son, he did not ask to be born, but your girlfriend should understand that your son comes first (or should do) if she doe's not like this then its better that you find someone who can love your son as much as you do, as its not fair that he be stuck in the middle, I am speaking from experience, and my attitude was I come as a package love me love my kids and if you only want me then there's the door, Ive now been married 20years to a man that took on me and my kids, and loves us all,
2007-08-09 04:55:32 · answer #11 · answered by chiversshivers 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋