Agnostics & atheists, I need your advice?

Question

My nephew is 13 & he has started to have doubts about God. I'm a believer but I need to make him feel ok about his doubts because he's starting to feel guilty about having them. Can you give me any advice other than to tell him that it's ok to feel how he feels? Christians please no Bible quotes or anything, I'd like to hear if the others have felt guilt for having doubts & how they got over it.

For those who said leave him alone, he came to me with the guilt he's feelings so I'm not going to tell him to get over it, I want to reassure him that it's ok

Answer 1

Of course it's alright to doubt God. God and I are still arguing over the whole Flood scenario and the cursing to the 7th generation thingy. You should always be able to disagree with your God; it's when you begin to follow any Deity blindly is when you come into problems. God gave us Free Will and expects us to use it, even if it means questioning what Their up too (I take a dualistic look at God)
I used to have a great deal of guilt (my hard-line German Lutheran pastor was good for dealing it out) about doubting the faith I was supposed to be following -- although I didn't doubt God. We've always been great Friends -- but once I figured out that Religion and Faith are actually two separate things and very very different, I got on with my life and left the guilt behind.
The only one who can free himself from guilt is your nephew, Bless him, but God understands and is just waiting patiently for him to do it. There's no rush and God in all the many faces, forms and names, will always be there -- even if your nephew chooses not to see them. Give him a kiss from me, Dear Friend.

Answer 2

Well you know where I stand on the religion issue. And I'm kind of familiar with your relationship with your nephew. So I'm going to go ahead and throw my 2 cents worth into the mix. I've said this before, and I'll say it again. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Whether or not he ends up being agnostic, atheist, christian, or muslim. It may not be guilt that he is feeling, perhaps it's doubt. I still occasionally have doubts myself. This may just be a period he's going through that will ultimately define his particular position on religion. I still occasionally have doubts when things happen that I'm not able to explain based on religious purpose. I get through it though and go on with life. If he came to you with a question regarding classes to take in high school that would seem an easier issue to discuss with him. Religion on the other hand is a more personal, complicated issue and is ultimately something that one has to decide on their own. I wish I had a better answer to offer, but I don't. Be there for him, and relate your own experiences that have allowed you to come to your own decision regarding the matter. He may just need someone to talk to about it, and he has selected you. What better affirmation could you have regarding his trust in your opinion on things?

Answer 3

Reassure him that the journey for "answers" (whether it be Biblical, scientific, philosophic, etc) is a life long journey. People should continue to wonder and search until their conciousness no longer funtions.

I am not the same person philosophically I was 5 years ago. I will not be the same person five years from now. As I find new evidence and new facts, I form new or updated opinions and beliefs. I hope my journey never ends. I hope I don't believe the exact same things 5, 10, 50 years down the road.

If people at 100 (of any belief) don't have all the answers, how can a young person be expected to set their beliefs in stone?

Tell your nephew that ,in regards to the ultimate questions and answers in life, only he can decide what is satisfactory to him. He should always question and investigate. He should never allow himself to be coerced or blackmailed into one belief set or another. Only he know his "truth".

He may feel alone or in a unique position, but even if people don't express it outwardly, everyone has doubts about the beliefs they hold dear. A person would have to be brain dead not to question and analyze beliefs. And he should also know he isn't the first person to go from believer to agnostic/atheist.

Tell him he is intelligent. Tell him to trust his instincts. Tell him that no one his age (or any other age) has all the answers. Tell him to always feed his curiosity and never be satisfied. Tell him that it's not the answers, but the journey to discovery. Tell him he is not alone.

Tell him what Palonius said to his son Laertes in "Hamlet":

"This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."

Answer 4

I'm a Christian...I consider myself to be a rather devoted Christian, although I know I am not the best example of Christianity on the planet...far, far, far, far from it!
I have had doubts. Very serious doubts...I could go into the tragedies of my life that caused this, but it would take up space and not answer your question...just trust me, I had VERY SERIOUS doubts...very serious guilt, very serious anger, which only made the guilt worse, and sharpened the doubt...but you get the picture, I think...

I learned something very special from my own doubts.
I learned that, not only is it OK to question my faith, it is totally, absolutely necessary. I learned that God still loved me, even when I hated Him...

I learned that faith that cannot be tested, cannot be trusted.

I don't know if this helps, but I will pray for you, and for the kid.

Answer 5

Give him some room, let him explore his doubt. I was raised a Catholic. While in engineering school I became agnostic. I believed in God but I didn't think the bible accurately explained who God was. I rationalized that these primative men who wrote the bible could only describe God in primative ways. I even thought someone should write a more modern bible. After becoming a man and having a family i returned to Catholicism. Now I realize that it was all in God's plan for me to question. God wants us to come to him freely not by coersion.

Answer 6

The beast treatise on doubt that I have ever come across
is "Doubt" by Os Guinness.
It's not really a book for a 13 year old. You'd have to digest it yourself, and then put its message into terms that fit him and his worries.

But the world needs doubt. Imagine a world without it.
Everyone sure of what they already knew.
"The world's flat"
No-one doubts it.
"Bleeding" people for illness is a good idea.
No-one doubts it.
"Epilepsy and demon-possession are the same thing"
No-one doubts it.
No, I don't want that sort of world.

Doubt leading to a better understanding of truth is good.
The truth may or may not match what was believed before.

Answer 7

It's difficult for both of you, especially as you are a believer and he is doubting. I went through the same when I doubted and questioned my catholic up-bringing. Eventually I 'became' an atheist.

The best thing I can suggest is that you allow him to explore lots of different beliefs and non-beliefs. There is a great non-judgemental, non-affiliated website that you could direct him to, which goes into most of the major faiths and atheism. The link is:
http://www.religioustolerance.org/aboutus.htm

Good luck.

Answer 8

You're a believer and you want advice from us? Kudos to you. :) And hugs.

Here's what I would tell my nephew (and I'm not trying to "win him over" but to comfort someone who is very scared.) Tell him it's normal to doubt. Everyone does. Ask him what kind of god would punish people for "doubting"? Would a parent punish a kid who doubted them? Ok, maybe BUT would a parent "send a kid to eternal torment" for doubting? There is NOTHING that would make a human parent "burn a kid" eternally. If a "sinful" human couldn't do it, how could a "moral" god.

Finally, what kind of god would give nephew a mind and then punish him for using it?

Answer 9

It is scary to feel doubts when you've always been taught that doubt and skepticism is evil. I felt ashamed when I could no longer believe Christianity. Luckily, my parents have always been supportive of me regardless of my beliefs. My mom is Christian and my dad is an atheist, but neither of them have ever pressured me on what to believe. They just told me to think through things for myself and promised to always love me. That was very helpful. I've also found it helpful to study the origins of religions, compare world religions, and then visit websites for humanists and free thinkers. If he wants to remain a believer, he could try bringing up his feelings with his preacher. He could also look up his questions of apologetics websites. Whatever he chooses to think, the important thing is that he is happy.

Answer 10

Tell him that no one in the entire world knows what is truth or fiction, and that every one believes in something different. It's unfortunate that we grow up in a society where it is forced down your throat so much that most people never even have a chance to question it. I only recently started to question the belief system that was taught to me...and I'm already in my late 20s. Your nephew is a smart kid for wanting to question it rather than just accept it as fact.