My boyfriend and I want to get married, but last night he said he said the he eventually wants to have multiple wives. I'm not really against the idea of polygamy, I just never thought it would happen to me. And it's not like he's a bad guy. If he just wanted more ***, he'd be out those swinger clubs.
I guess I can sort of see the benifets of a polygamous relationship for men and women, but I'm just kind of surprised right now. How would you feel in this situation?
2007-08-05 07:17:47 · 26 answers · asked by Texas Toast 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Polygamy requires a special trust and a special bond to work.
You would be sharing the most intimate details of your marriage with another person or persons....They would know what you know about your relationship, and in turn you would know every detail about theirs. The children you have with your husband would be calling another woman 'Mom' as well as you, and her children with your husband would call you 'Mom'. You will get odd looks from those that can't fathom how any one could make that kind of relationship work, and may even get nasty toward your family.
There are many things to think about before you choose this path, and many pressures from within and without. Think very carefully before you choose. Can you handle it? You owe it to the both of you and your future to give this matter some grave and serious thought.
2007-08-05 07:37:30 · answer #1 · answered by Eric C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a deep subject...going off forum, to some "like-minded" people would be a good idea. I can speak on the subject with a degree of personal experience and there are a lot of websites for resource info.
Motivation is one of the most important factors, once you get past the social stigma. If his motivation is selfless...which I doubt....then you will have less difficulties. He doesn't know (yet) that it takes 3 times the commitment to responsibility and 3 times the effort to keep 2 significant others. The 2nd woman would have to be cared for very deeply by YOU, as well.
Many factors are involved that the novice or "wannabe" doesn't realize until it's too late and then you have nothing left.
Discovering from where this desire comes would be my first priority. An informed decision can then be made.
2007-08-05 07:25:32 · answer #2 · answered by westgaliberty 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, that is just not right. I can't believe he even said something like that to you. And believe me no matter how many wives he ends up with, that is still no guarantee that he won't be out looking for something on the side. I know you probably feel like you really love this guy, but honestly if he really loves you he wouldn't even propose such an idea to you. If I were you I would seriously rethink this whole situation before you say I DO..
2007-08-05 07:25:00 · answer #3 · answered by happilymarried_101803 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Toast,
I would wipe my shoes on his face and leave so fast his head would be flat on one side. This guy thinks he is really something special. No one is THAT special.
I shared in my first marriage (though I didn't know it at the time) with almost every other woman in town. I won't do that again. If he cannot respect what we have, if I am not enough to keep him happy, I want NOTHING more to do with him. He can live out his fantasy with someone else.
It's good that you found out now. Make your decision with all the facts you can gather. You might discuss this with your Mom. She might be able to give you more insight and a longer perspective. :) Hugs, Kiddo.
2007-08-05 07:25:39 · answer #4 · answered by Peanut 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm not into polygamy, so I wouldn't go for it. Plus, it's hard enough to keep a relationship between two people happy. Throwing more people into the mix seems like more trouble than it's worth.
2007-08-05 07:21:46 · answer #5 · answered by kim91316 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
shocked (are you and him swingers) I am not and if I was asked or told that there would be a war. I be leave marriage is sacred and meant only for two people 3 is a crowd. It sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too.
2007-08-05 07:26:07 · answer #6 · answered by Jessica C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Polygamy is against the law (except, I think in Utah, the Mormon Capital Of The World). For *me*...if *I* can commit to one man/one woman, then *he* damn well better do the same. I'd tell him to "Hit the road, Jack!" and find him some other little brides, cause *I* wouldn't be in his little harem.
2007-08-05 07:23:44 · answer #7 · answered by bitadkins 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said that you're not really against polygamy, so that's why you attracted someone who feels that he would benefit from exchanging bodily fluids, diseases, yeasts, fungi, viruses, and sydromes with you and other people.
You shouldn't be surprised now, or later when the test results come back.
2007-08-05 07:23:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Send him down the road. that is a divorce waiting to happen and a miserable life. is he going to have kids by all of them and have those kids scattered everywhere when everything stops. besides, that is completely immoral. Get out, unless you want this sick kind of relationship.
2007-08-05 07:24:05 · answer #9 · answered by lana s 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were u I guess I'd probably ask him to give me equal rights.... but eventually I'd leave him ... I am a monogam and I can't understand love shared with more than one person
if he wants another wife, you should get another life...
2007-08-05 09:28:13 · answer #10 · answered by larissa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋