My "best friend" had sex with the father of my child. We are no longer together and neither one know that i know about it. But it seems that i cannot get over it. I have tried to ignore it but cannot get past the idea that she would do something like that to me. I dont trust her with my boyfriends, and i call her my fidelity test now! Do i keep her in my life or fess up that i know about it and tell her the road?
2007-08-05 04:25:15 · 30 answers · asked by Sam 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He and i were together when it happened! I found out from a friend of his..
2007-08-05 05:25:36 · update #1
You've answered it yourself, YOU ARE NO LONGER TOGETHER, so he can (and she) can sleep with whoever they want
One of my best friends is now engaged to one of my ex's, and rather than be bitter about it I'm happy for them.
Life deals these hands sometimes, and you just have to deal with it
Neither has done anything wrong so I can't see why you say you don't trust her with your boyfriends (or why you say boyfriends, not boyfriend)
2007-08-05 04:28:58 · answer #1 · answered by Weatherman 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
The best thing to do in this situation is tell your friend you know. Had she come to you and admitted the act I would say she may be one to try to hold on to. But if she has not fessed up and still tries to hang around it's time to let that one go. There is a code that NO MATTER WHAT.. you NEVER sleep with your friends EX!! So I say let her go.. she will continue to hurt you in the long run...
2007-08-05 04:29:55 · answer #2 · answered by nudreams 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To forgive or not is not the issue. You need to get a life! If you and the dude are no longer together then you have nothing to complain about. You don't own him and he was a willing participant. If neither of them know that you know they slept together, how exactly did you find out? And why are you concerned? At least she didn't sleep with him while you were together. Build a bridge and get over it!
2007-08-05 04:31:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you gave your man away father or no father so he wasn't yours ,there for something happened with him and your friend maybe it was just a one night stand spur of the moment. now on the other hand you must still have feelings for this man or it would have not bothered you right. So now I think you should see why it bothered you. As for your friend I really think if she was a true friend she would have told you being right or wrong about it. She is thinking if you didn't want him there is no harm. So if your friends talk to her about it listen to her side then make judgment on it alright maybe your friend is afraid to tell you because she know it would hurt you open up before you judge listen.
2007-08-05 04:33:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is in the question. "The father of mychild", "we are no longer together". You don't own the guy, so just because your relationship is over doesn't mean his life is over. Maybe she wants a father of her child for herself.
I personally am not a fan of this sort of relationship, but its the current trend I suppose. The real question is: Can you live with your own jealousy? Can you keep them both in your life and not have it eat you alive?
You are probably best off to dismiss her, and let him pay his child support and just be in the kid's life, assuming he's semi-responsible. They are just your friends, not your puppets, get used to it.
Good luck. Jealousy is a cruel bedmate...
2007-08-05 04:31:29 · answer #5 · answered by John N 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything seems wrong here...as a "best friend" you would think that she would have talked to you about her feelings for you ex lover...but then again, he is your ex and you apparently have moved on, so why are you upset? is it because of him or is it because of her? If you're upset because you feel like she is purposefully keeping secrets from you (ones that she knows will hurt you), then just talk to her about it. I wouldn't call her a fidelity test, because the truth of the matter is he was a free agent. You weren't with him when she slept with him. What would bother me is the secrecy. But if you have decided that she is horrible, then you stop being her friend, OR you give her a chance and talk calmly about it. First figure out what it is that you're mad about...then tell her exactly why you feel that you can't trust her.
2007-08-05 04:31:07 · answer #6 · answered by StarGazer 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have no experience in this matter... though if I were in this situation, I would tell her how you feel about it. Keeping things in your mind can cause stress. The build up might lead to a fight with your "best friend" about it in the future. Basically, if you want to stay friends with her, fess up now. Then there's at least a possibility.
2007-08-05 04:32:56 · answer #7 · answered by Starmei 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Christian thing to do, is to forgive and forget. But that don't mean go leaving her alone in a room w/ your next boyfriend... lol
No matter what you decide, atleast decide to tell them both YOU KNOW.... You'll probably get a book of excuses, them trying to justify their selves, and denial even. But don't listen.
Personally I would forgive and forget, but I wouldn't go back to our normal relationship with each other of being best friends. Just tell her that you might be able to forgive her, and forget the situation but she broke that trust that yall spent years or w/e growing. And that is her fault, so she should understand the consequences of what happens in a friendship when that is done.
GOODLUCK
2007-08-05 04:30:01 · answer #8 · answered by mzfshonble05 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would absolutely fess up. She has no clue how bad she hurt you until you let her know. Even though you might think this is immoral, believe it or not.. she might not have a clue that it is. She might think that you were over that part of your life and had moved on.
You need to tell her how hurt you are, then decide from there. Each of us think so differently, we can't just determine that the other thinks the same.
2007-08-05 04:28:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you and your ex had a relationship were the other one does what he/she wants to do and it does not effect the other....then i guess it would have been ok but i think its a lot harder to forgive when you can't get over it and the big thing this is your "best friend"....i know for a fact my best friend would never and i mean never date my ex...let alone the father of my child....i think she should have thought of you before she anything else in this matter.....i don't think i would be able to forgive it right away....maybe later but that is for time to tell...you have a right to be upset right now...its totally understandable
2007-08-05 04:29:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all.You said a "Friend". A Friend who has repect for a friend doesn't go around sleeping with your ex even if the relationship is over...If she were a true friend she would have not slept with the father of your child.. Of course you don't trust her now...Why would you after what she has done...I would tell her for sure to hit the road....
2007-08-05 04:33:00 · answer #11 · answered by Sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋