My daughter is 15 and normally live with her Dad in another state. She is staying with me right now and her Dad has moved to a different state due to his job.
He wants us to come back together as a family again. My daughter says that she does not care what happens to her.
My ex-husband is controlling and does micromanage minor issues.
His major complaint about me is that I am not dependable or reliable which is valid because I have left him and my daughter many times and gone back. It was wrong on my part.
It would be an adjustment for me to move to a different state. My daughter has to start a new school anyway. The main priority and focus has to be her so that she is a success in life. She is entering 11th grade which is a critical year.
My job is a contract and will be ending in a few weeks..
I see that since my job is ending and she should be in a complete family, I should go. Then, I wonder if I can change and adjust again.
2007-08-05 04:03:11 · 8 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Dear Stareyes,
It's time to get out the old paper and pencil again, darlin'. Make a list of his good characteristics. Make a list of the reasons you left him. Read if over twice. Add to it. Be honest - no one will see the list but you. Keep in mind that the reasons you left are still there and you will need to be able to work with him on those problems. If you cannot, don't take a step backward and return to those problems.
If you feel that he is ready to be reasonable from his end, and if you are ready from yours, try it. If I were you, I would ask him to go to marriage counseling to try to work out the things that caused you problems in the past. That way, you might have a better chance at making things work.
If you decide not to go to live with your husband, ask him for custody of your daughter so that you can help her during this critical year. There are ways to solve this. Be open and look around at what works for others. Good luck. Sounds as though you have done some growing up since you split. Good for you!!
2007-08-05 04:18:06 · answer #1 · answered by Peanut 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are not sure that you can be there for your daughter - then don't go. Few things are so hard on a child than getting your hopes up that a parent is going to act like a mature adult and then they turn around and act like the same old childish loser. - Believe me, I know from experience.
That said - if you are really committed to being a mother - then go and find a place to live that's near your ex-husband and daughter. Don't move in with them - just move near enough that you can be involved with her life everyday if she wants. That way your daughter get the benefit of having her mom around and you don't have to deal with your ex micro-managing you.
And when you get to your new town - please find a counselor and start going to therapy and learn why it is you run from your responsibilities as a parent. That is the greatest gift you can give your daughter - show her that you might make mistakes but that it's ok to get help and try to change.
Good luck!
2007-08-05 04:13:33 · answer #2 · answered by Mirage 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
don't you just hate the indecision's life throws at you? Kinda makes you feel like less than adequate in making life altering decisions. Since you have come to a realization and acceptance of your decisions( leaving and returning) and it appears that your OK with it then your next step is to Analise the move you are contemplating. Is the decision one you will regret?- Will it benefit you and your daughter? Will it give her some stability? We can never go back and change our past decisions HOWEVER we Can make decisions if we are well informed and have gained knowledge from our past experiences. I don't think anyone can tell you what to do- come a decision in your heart- turn your your negative concerns in to happy memories- for this is all we shall have in our coming years. Set some boundaries with yourself and your husband. Why do you feel the need to change to accommodate- be who you are- love your child- love life for what it has to offer. Try to be happy. What ever decision you come to it will be rite for you- revel in it and be grateful you have had the opportunity to do it.
2007-08-05 08:21:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that before making any big decisions you, your ex and your daughter should go to family couceling. its great that you want to work it out and do whats best for your daughter but sometimes what you think is best isn't always right. my parents divorced when i was 4 and i went through those few years of them fighting...the best thing that ever happened for us was that they got divorced. so just make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons
2007-08-05 04:24:20 · answer #4 · answered by J1983 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can think you can succeed at this then do it, yes, it will be tough adjusting but set ground rules of what is expected of you and your husband! If you think you can make it work why not try? If he is willing to meet you half way and make it work then go for it!
Good luck
2007-08-05 04:07:33 · answer #5 · answered by Mama~peapod 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't move until you have resolved your basic issues, your fear of commitment and his insecurities which why he is controlling. It will do more harm than good for your daughter to be uprooted now and then not have it work out again.
2007-08-05 04:09:22 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you don't love the man don't get back together, but move anyway to be close to your daughter you owe her that and more
2007-08-05 17:59:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
check the below link its useful
http://datentryworksworkathomeobs.blogspot.com
.
2007-08-07 02:57:58 · answer #8 · answered by polly2005@ymail.com 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋