What should i do?

Question

My parents never get along because they have too many differences, too many mistakes, and too many arguments!!!
The second thing is that my aunt can't be trusted and is not responsible for her kids so she just throws them to our house to take care of and goes out getting drunk with her friends (they're bad people), and plus my cousins and i do not get along! My aunt is the black ksheep in the family because she doesn't care for her kids and hangs around with the wrong people and she used to make us give her money. My parents don't take care of them (because they go to work and they work at the same job) i always do and i'm just twelve!! I do not want to take care of them or have anything to do with them because i do not want them to stay. Whenever i want something and i can't have it - then if they want something she gives it to them!!! ugh i can't wait till i move out!!

The thing is that i do care for my cousins it's just that i live in an asian family and most things are pretty messed up...i don't know how to explain, but my aunt is a person who spoils her kids and then like i have said before keeps being unresponsible. in our family we don't talk or disscuss or they would say we were being disrespectful.

of course i have put myself in their shoes but they only kiss up to most of my relatives and make me the bad guy. if i tell them they can't do this- they'll get mad and call their mom then she'll think i did something and she'll pick them up (i live in a catholic home) and they won't go to church. she spoils them and doesn't teach them what is right and what is wrong.

Answer 1

Wow! This is a tough situation. It sounds like people trust you because you are responsible and are quite mature for your age. You also have a good sense about people and can see some of the unacceptable stuff going around you, and you are having to grow up too fast. Bummer. You need to be 12 years old and you need to enjoy life learning what it means to grow up more slowly, without turmoil, and with a safe environment.

It is good that you help your parents and family. We must always remember to respect our parents for being parents so be careful on how you talk with them. So, use some kindness and be careful with your words. You sound like a very smart person. Speak softly and negotiate. This works much better.

As an individual person you have certain feelings and wants. It is good that you have them and it is good that you have a sense of who you are. Many people grow up not knowing what they want or what they believe in, so you are a step ahead by being able to see your world around you, make assumptions, and also decide what it is that you want. A person with these qualities must also learn how to negotiate and how to work with others, or you will cause more tension and more problems than you want. So, learn some negotiation skills, be respectful of others, don't point fingers, and set some boundaries.

It will be hard to do this, but give this a try. Sit down with your Aunt (when she is sober and is not busy) and have a talk with her. Tell her that you don't want to babysit her children anymore. Tell her thanks for the opportunity and money (hopefully she is paying you), but this isn't something you want to do. Be respectful, don't lose your temper, and be careful not to say anything offensive.

It is OK to have your own feelings and opinions. It is OK that you don't want to babysit anymore. While you should always be mindful that you are part of a family and you should help out when it is practical, you don't need to be taken advantage of. You are coming of age and are growing up. It is OK for you to set a boundary and to say what it is that you want and don't want. If your aunt or anyone else reacts angrily or tries to guilt you then don't "own" that guilt. You are not responsible for how they react to you. She might feel sad, frustrated, or something else but that is something she has to deal with. You can still love your aunt, and she will love you. The more you learn how to negotiate and setup boundaries the healthier you will become. If you don't want to babysit those children then you dont' have to. If your aunt was in a bind then I am sure you would help out. But, if she is pressuring you to babysit just so that she can go out then she isn't really giving you a choice. Remember, you do have a choice. People might be a bit upset because you don't want to do this but they will have to get over it. You are still a good person and they will still love you. Part of growing up is learning how to set boundaries and I think you are right on target. So, plan a time to speak with your aunt and let her know that you don't want to babysit anymore. Be kind to her. If she tries to negotiate with you tell her that you have made up your mind but you will think about it and get back to her later. You do not have to make a quick decision if she tries to change your mind. Then, take time out for yourself and think about what it is that you want to do. If your answer is still no then let her know your answer. You are an individual so she is obligated to respect your individuality.

Go easy on your family and don't be too quick to grow up. Enjoy your youth, be good to yourself, and continue to set boundaries when you need to. Even though this might be hard at first, you will find that over time you will gain the respect that you want. Likewise, continue to give the respect to others that you want for yourself. But, don't compromise who you are or what you believe in. Love your parents, family, and friends, and continue to become who you are as an individual. Things will work out. Good luck.

Answer 2

Talk with your parents about all this - and, if that doesn't work, talk with another adult who cares about you and whom you trust. Keep on talking until someone comes up with a workable solution.

Also, if your cousins are small and your aunt is really neglecting them, you have every right to - and probably should - report her to Child Protective Services. A teacher and/or a neighbor could help you do this - but only if your parents refuse to do so.

You have many responsibilities which are not yours, and never should be yours, and changing this situation will help both you and your cousins.

Keep asking for help until you get it; you all deserve better that what's happening now!

Answer 3

I know what you're going through. That used to happen to me all the time.
Find something that both your parents like (movies, games, etc.) and try to make them do that thing with you all the time.

And about your aunt. My aunt tried to do the same thing. I hate my little cousin too. But anyways. My dad instantly refused to take care of my cousin and just said for her to take care of herself. Eventually, she was just fine, eating whipped cream all the time.

I don't know why you feel like you have to take care of them, if they all have a job... If I'm thinking right, they should be taking care of you?

And truse me, you CAN wait till you move out.

Answer 4

I am so sorry to read this, you are also a child and they should give you such responsabilities to handle. It is simply too much . I also come from the kind of families where children can't complain much so I totally understand you. But don't worry in a few years, you will be able to move out of the house and be on your own.

Answer 5

HUNNY! that's gotta be really tough on a 12 yr old so the best you can do i suppose is sit your parents down and tell them how you feel (i know everyone says that!) or try talking to a counsellor at school BUT make sure that you take action other wise it will carry on for another 4 years or more!

GOOD LUCK! =D

Answer 6

One day you'll look back on it as just a blur in your life. Helping anyone gives you big brownie points. My ethnicity has the same things as yours. I grew up with my parents taking in family all our lives. We had cousins and aunties galore. Looking back on it I feel good that my parents help them when they really needed it. Now at 27 I've taken in my nephew, cuz and a auntie. I tell you what, it's great when there gone and my house is all back to normal.

Answer 7

Take up a sport or outside activity that gets you out of the house. I think your being taken for granted. Disappear within reason (Your family would know where you were; you're just not home.). Make it about your physical or mental development and they won't be able to argue you out of it.

Answer 8

piggy lol nice name,, Yeah sounds like a big mess,, sorry you have to live that way,, but as you said, you can move,so the future for you will change soon, just remember some families live this way which is very sad, but you seen it and hate to live like this, i hope when you get older you would have a good family of your own,, just remember what you learned, in the future it can help you,,as you seen life is short and its hard so pick the good things in life, stay away from the bad....

Answer 9

Have alittle human kindness for your cousins who apparently do not have a mother or a father who gives a d*mn about them. You could choose to be a positive role model for them if you would stop thinking of yourself for a moment. Put yourself in their shoes, would you want to be forced to spend time with someone who hates them just because they are around? Its not their fault that they are in this situation, and you are making it even more miserable for them. Have some pity.

Answer 10

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