my son of 17 is having an "affair" with a women of 30...how do?

Question

I his mother deal with this. I only found out six months ago and at the same time discover that this relationship started when he was 15. I am really mad....to me his future is a no go!

Answer 1

You could go to the authorities, even if your son has now reached a legal age of consent, because if he was underage when the affair began this woman will find herself on the wrong end of a police investigation, and could have to suffer the penalties regardless of how old your son is now.
You're dealing with a young man who has the physical wants and needs of an adult, but doesn't have the maturity to use discretion. To him, he has had the ultimate experience....an older woman. It just moved him up the social standing considerably with his peer group. Any confrontation, or "denial of service" will make him more determined to continue this illicit affair. What would probably work to your advantage is to do an end run around him, and confront the woman instead. She'll have a more realistic view of what legal action would mean to her personal and possibly her professional reputation (if you live in a small community). Don't try to appeal to her sense of decency or common sense. It appears she does not have any of these traits. Lay it right on the line with her, and tell her she had better stop, or you will threaten her with legal action, and that you will also make sure that the affair becomes public knowledge. I would say she has sworn your son to secrecy due to his age, and public knowledge is the one thing she does not want.

Answer 2

Not much you can do but let the relationship end on it's own. Interference on your part will enrage your son and drive him deaper in. He's now old enough to consent and anyway the police would need his cooperation one thing many people forget when giving advice in these matters. In less than a year they could marry and put you in a real spot. Is this woman married, that is a big danger to all involved if the husband where the vengfull type?

Answer 3

Hi!

Very tough for you discovering that your son is still involved with the person who legally / technically raped him while he was still a minor. You must be furious with her - but do not allow your anger to further compound your sons eventual recovery. You say his future is a no go to you. Try to see beyond the present. While you can't accept - you must not condemn your son. He will need you more than ever when the time comes to sort this out.

Who is there to support you through this so that you can in turn support him?

Good wishes.

Answer 4

Well, this is a tough one...First things first. Clarify to your son about his "affair" with the woman...You must talk things out because your son's future is at risk. Next, you must tell the police about this. The affair is illegal especially because your son is still of minor age. You must also find out the reason why they are doing this and your must find out whether the woman got conceived or not.

Answer 5

The father of my daughter is 21 and I'm 30. I started dating him when he was 17 and I was 26, and he was FAR more experienced than me. I loved him very much and did anything, within reason, to make him happy. I encouraged him to follow more positive paths. In the end, his friends, weed, alcohol, and general immaturity forced me to break up with him shortly after our daughter was born. He's never held her, but I still love him. Don't doubt that this woman loves your son. The problem is that he may be too immature to love her the way she wants and she may break the relationship off. If you mean affair as in she's married, then they're both wrong.

Answer 6

For start, don't jump down his throat. If this has been going on for two years and there's no pregnancy, then you'll have to talk quietly to him and let him know he's just being used as a stud for the physical satisfaction of this woman. Point out to him where this is likely to end (nowhere) and see if you can talk him onto letting go. It will be hard for him to give up his regular sex - at his age, he's going to be quite virile, but try anyway. Be calm; talk sense; be prepared for failure; persist.

Answer 7

One of your options is to go to the police. Sex with a minor is illegal.

In cases like these I think the adult is much more responsible for the situation than the minor. Talk to your son, and try to explain why this isn't the way to go, without criticizing him or punishing him. You should also get professional guidance as to what to do in this situation.

Answer 8

U need to stop the affair with a call to the law. by any state it is stautory rape of a minor. i know your son is willing participant but still she has probably done this before to younger men and she is looking to satisfy her needs not his. if u dont want to call the law then tell her if she doesnt leave your son alone u are going to have her arrestted for sex with a underage minor. I bet that kind of threat causes her to say adios to your boy and move onto to hopefully maybe men her own age...

Answer 9

I'd check your local laws and report her to the police. If you don't have the guts to do that, then take your son out for a one on one and start talking to him about going away to college. College girls will cure him (and he'll get a good education that will lead to a good career).

Answer 10

well he's almost 18,, maybe he will find out later in life, some people go into a odd stage,that no one can help,, i know a guy did the same thing,, in about 2-3 years he seen the truth and went the other way...its odd i know.