My fiancee and I are having a terrible time balancing my parent's ideas for the wedding with our own. We believe that since we are paying for most of it (they are buying my dress. that's it) we should have final say on where the reception is held, etc.
My father thinks that the reception hall that we've chosen is too expensive and too far away (from the church and my parent's home). Although it is more expensive than the option he prefers, we are saving and will be able to pay for it without going into debt. The hall is approximately a 30 minute drive from the church.
There have been extensive arguments about this. Last time we spoke to them, it ended with my dad yelling and kicking us out of the house. I haven't spoken to him (although I speak to my mom regularaly) for almost a month and we're going to their home this week to discuss things. Any advice???
(Sorry this is so long...I wanted to be specific.)
2007-08-04 23:56:05 · 20 answers · asked by Been here before 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Nope. It's your wedding, you are paying and it is up to you. Your Dad needs to grow up. Sounds like he threw a tantrum. I would hold firm. Is he going to have a fit everytime you make a life decision? What if he doesnt like your kids names or the house you choose?
2007-08-05 00:23:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hon, I feel for you, your dad is being childish. A 30 minute drive from the church to the reception is not unreasonable. I've seen much worse. Also, she who wields the checkbook makes the decision. You and your fiancee get the final say because you are paying for everything. As long as you aren't going into debt and expecting your parents to pay for anything have the wedding where you prefer. Your dad needs to see his physician. Why are you going to their house to discuss things? There's nothing to discuss, you have made your plans and that's that, your dad doesn't have to like it. Also, I would meet at your house or on neutral ground, not at his house since he clearly feels no problem throwing temper tantrums there.
Just FYI - I got married in Northeast Philadelphia and had my reception in Medford, NJ. It was more than a 1/2 hour drive between the two. Also, I got married at 1 or 2 in the afternoon and the reception wasn't until 5:30. So you are not out of line, your dad is.
2007-08-05 06:09:43 · answer #2 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know where you live but 30 minutes is an average distance to drive to a reception. Most churches don't just happen to have great reception halls next door, unfortunately it doesn't work that way. Most wedding I have been to, the reception is 30 to 45 minutes away. I went to a wedding where the reception was in a neighboring state! I think your father needs to back off. If you are paying then I don't think he has any say. Sounds like an underlying issue exists besides the reception. Is it possible he is embarrassed he can't afford to pay for it?
2007-08-05 03:14:16 · answer #3 · answered by Luv2Answer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I were running into the same thing when we were trying yo put a wedding together here in Illinois with her family and friends- so 30 days before the wedding we bought tickets to California and brought the people that weren't blowing us loads of guff. We had a beautiful wedding both our families ( alittle small but in the long run perfect) and had a great reception. Six months after the wedding the nay sayers were extremely happy.
The point is,whether its your dime or someone is helping out- its your day! The word compromise isnt even on the table for anybody but you two together. Make your day exactly the way you want it - it only happens once.
In the long run he's your dad- he's gonna be there, and he'll come to the reception where ever it is. I mean who doesn't like a party?
2007-08-05 02:52:57 · answer #4 · answered by james c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This must be so hard for you...trying to please everyone and at the same time trying not to go broke doing it. I think you are doing the right thing. It is a little far away from the church and typically they are much closer together but you wouldn't think he'd mind the trip for his daughter's wedding! Are you sure you'll really be saving? Is his option really cheaper (I'm sure you've researched all the options)?
Either way, it's YOUR wedding day and YOU are paying for it so you get to decide where it takes place. I am sure he is just not understanding your reasoning behind your choice. Go to your parents house prepared...have the numbers all calculated and other options to compare it to ready. Calmly explain to him that while you understand his concern, this is what the two of you have decided will work best. Maybe he just thinks you don't care about how he feels or value his opinion. I'm sure that if you show him that you are trying your best to pay for and plan this day on your own and would like his support, hopefully he'll learn to accept that the decisions to be made will be made by you and your fiancee. It IS your day...you make it your own. Best wishes to you both!
2007-08-05 02:02:00 · answer #5 · answered by mickeymel9 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is your dad concerned about the guests drinking and driving? Because you could be liable if anything were to happen.
Could he also be thinking of older relatives attending and that the drive might be a bit much for them?
Also is he afraid people might get lost and that would hold everything up and could cause you to go over on your time at the hall, which you would have to pay more for?
Maybe he wants you to spend less on the reception so that you will have more money to live on or pay bills or for life's little emergencies that tend to show up at the worst of tmes.
I'm bringing all this up because it is important to listen to someone wiser, have your day the way you want and expect everyone to enjoy the moment.
Your parents only want the best for you no matter what.
2007-08-05 00:58:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm torn, I agree with both of you..you are paying so you have say so, but I can see his point too. personally I'm not sure I'd want to drive half an hour to someplace for a reception. I had to do it once and I almost didn't go. You have to consider the people coming to the wedding....are there going to be elderly people who may not be able to handle the half hour ride ( I know my in-laws are not really old, but neither of them could handle the ride) are there going to be people with kids that have sat through the ceremony, when are you taking the pictures...if you are taking them after the ceremony then the people will have to drive half an hour someplace only to sit and wait for you to take your photos; which depending on the photographer and what you want could take up to an hour, then wait on you to drive there...these are just a few things that I'd consider.
2007-08-05 04:59:27 · answer #7 · answered by Kitikat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is horrible. Your parents should understand this is about YOU not them. It doesn't matter how close or how expensive things are, it's your wedding and the real point of this is that YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED! Their daughter is getting married and they want to argue with you where the reception should be? I think you're being way too polite. I understand you want things to go smoothly but they are being downright rude. I don't want to talk bad about your parents or anything but they should really put things into perspective here. I think you and your husband to be should do things according to what YOU TWO want and not what anyone else wants. Will you name your children the names your parents want? Will you live where your parents tell you to? I admire you have respect for family but enough is enough. Good luck regardless what you do and congrats.
2007-08-05 00:07:33 · answer #8 · answered by lmunn09 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
For perspective: I am past 70 yrs. Married to the same woman for +50. We went to the courthouse in another state, paid $5.00 for a license, and gave the judge $5.00. It must have worked. We could not afford more at the time.
Elope without the parents involve. He can keep the dress, use your money to take a long honeymoon. There are too many parents minding adult children's affairs.
2007-08-05 01:46:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Put your foot down! Ask your parents if you had a say in where they got married etc. If necessary, offer to give your parents the cost of the dress and tell them that will be the very last deed you will do unless they respect you and your wishes. If they can't respect you and your wishes, they don't deserve you. Tell them, with or without their blessing, the wedding is happening and if necessary, you will ban them from attending if it's necessary for you to have the perfect day. It is your day, buying a dress does not give them the right to take the attention from you. It's a day for the Bride to be extremely selfish and be spoilt and pampered. Finally, if they can't come around to helping you have a wonderful wedding and are still intent on spoiling your plans, make sure your last words are, "we are converting to Islam next month" LOL
2007-08-05 00:12:55 · answer #10 · answered by kendavi 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋