the one who tells me the best Joke and gives a star will get 10 points
2007-08-04 21:09:42 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
The blond goes into a shop and ask the guy she wants 1/2 meter by 1/2 meter material so he gives it to her but he is curious. "So what do you need it for" he asks and the blond says "for curtains for my PC". So the guy says " you don't need curtains for a PC " so the blond goes "hheeellloooo I've got windows"
2007-08-04 21:19:31 · answer #1 · answered by cheri 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck and everyone inside dies. When they get to meet their maker, because of the grief they have experienced, He decides to grant them one wish each before they enter Heaven.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what their wish is. "I want to be gorgeous." So God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says, "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing. By the time there are only ten people left, this one guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says: "Make 'em all ugly again."
2007-08-05 06:40:38 · answer #2 · answered by aMUSEd 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
A guy runs into a bar....
Ouch....
OR
There are three men sitting at a bar....
One is American....one is Mexican....and one is Russian....
The Mexican orders a tequila....takes a sip and throws it against the wall....the Russian asks him why he did it and he replies, "We have plenty of good tequila where I come from."
The Russian orders a Vodka....takes a sip and throws it against the wall....the American asks him why he did it and he replies, "We have plenty of good Vodka where I come from."
The American orders a Vodka....takes a sip....then takes out a gun and shoots the Mexican....He says, "We have plenty of good Mexicans where I come from, but little good Vodka....
OR
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" She asked gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."
OR
One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little
boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his
mouth and asked,
"Do you know what it is?"
"No, I don't," said the little boy.
"Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom
before he goes to work."
That's when a little girl at the back of the room yelled,
"Spit it out! It's a piece of a**!!!!"
OR
A drunken guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks
her over.
He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you,Batman!?"
2007-08-05 04:19:11 · answer #3 · answered by *Swimfan48* 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.
After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.
Laying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one moron says to the other, "I don't think much of this budgie jumping."
The other moron replies, "Yeah, I'm not too keen on this paragliding either."
2007-08-05 04:12:51 · answer #4 · answered by Zaid 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A man was about to tend to his garden. He's looking for the shears and couldn't find them. His wife is in the bathroom taking a shower, and he calls her. She looked ar her husband and asked what he wanted.
Husband : "Have you seen the shears?".
Wife, "They're behind the bush".
Husband, "What?".
Seeing that he can't hear her the wife starts to tell him in sign language, and she she points at her eye, then at her left breast, then her bum and last and not least her groin.
The husband couldn't hear her properly so he decided to go upstairs and ask her again.
Husband,"What did you say?".
Wife, "They're behind the bush".
2007-08-05 05:50:18 · answer #5 · answered by xyz 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i have like five!! sooooo funny! my favorites...
1.
Why Men Have Better Friends
Women's Friends:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The husband called his wife's ten best friends. None of them had seen her or knew what he was talking about.
Men's Friends:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
2.
Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
3.
Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call.
The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful, in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."
The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny are, and ask what line of work his son is in.
"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased how my son has turned out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay."
As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but on the bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars, and a big stock portfolio."
4.
A WOMEN was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. The man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, "Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" The blind lady replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs."
Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog!
The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
True story.... Have a great day and remember... THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR
5.
An old guy's car collides with a young guy's car and both are demolished. The two crawl out of the wreckage, amazed that neither of them was hurt in the accident.
The old guy says, "Look at this miracle! This must surely be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live our lives in peace for the rest of our days."
"Sure," says the young guy, convinced the old man is crazy.
"And look at this!" says the old guy, reaching back into his car. "A miracle! My car is demolished, but this bottle of 12-year-old Scotch didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink and celebrate our good fortune."
Again the young guy agrees, so the old guy opens the bottle and passes it to him. The young guy smiles and takes several huge swigs, then tries to hand it to the old guy, who, to his surprise, refuses. "Aren't you having any?" asks the young guy.
"No, thanks," replies the old guy. "I'll wait for the police."
-----my personal favorites-----
2007-08-05 04:15:07 · answer #6 · answered by ♥DeLiCiOuS♥ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
tough choice mister,,, they are all soo funny!!! i think im stealing some of these =)
2007-08-05 17:15:03 · answer #7 · answered by ♫Shan n☺ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋