should i have sex with my boyfriend?

Question

he really wants to have sex with me and i want to have sex with him but the thing is everytime we get close to doing it i always hold back... theres like this instinct that is telling me no while the other half of me is saying yes do it... i told him that i wanted to wait until i was out of school... but then a day later he asks me do you wanna have sex tomorrow and i just dont know what to think

Answer 1

Oh, sex questions, so titillating...

OK, like all of these questions, they can only be answered through introspection--the way I see it, the job of anyone giving you advice is to offer a path of internal inquiry, so here are some questions to ask yourself, some practical and others a bit more profound and emotionally significant:

Do I trust my man?

Have I been with him long enough to see the sexual forest for the libidinal trees?

Is it mere arbitrary, parochial guilt keeping me from having a hump-fest?

What fears are keeping me from spreading like peanut butter?

Which consequences of this act are life-altering, and have I reduced them to a calculated risk; in other words...

Have I know him long enough to trust him?

Am I at least 17? ("don't have sex until you are 17" is a pretty good rule of thumb--everything outside of intercourse should hold you until you are 17).

Am I on birth control?

Will my moron boyfriend (all teenage boys are morons) use a condom and use it properly?

How likely is it that he has boned the class skank?

Then ask yourself, will it ruin my life if I get something like genital warts (which are practically endemic these days)?

Will it ruin my life if he bones me and walks away (you wouldn't be the lone ranger)?

Then you might consider questions like these:

Am I horny? (Don't have sex unless you are horny).

Am I doing it just to get it over with?

Do I care about this person (notice I didn't say love, care is enough).

If you ask yourself all of these questions, you should be in a place to figure it out.

I certainly wouldn't do anyone that was pressuring me for sex (not bloody likely in my case), or that gave me an ultimatum. If he's being playful about it, but pestering you, that's probably to be expected, but if it comes off as a threat, tell him to kiss your booty (really, screw him if he can't hang...not literally "screw him," but you get my drift).

Final thought: sex is no big deal. We make it a bigger deal than it is because of waning religious mores (guilt) and media saturation. While it is exceedingly difficult to separate emotions from sex, and it is damn near impossible for two people to have casual sex (one will always complicate it), you should be in a place where sex has been demystified somewhat before you do it, that way you can laugh it off if it isn't perfect (believe me, it won't be).

If you have built the act up to the point where you have planned every detail in your fantasy, you must deconstruct that fantasy before moving on.

To summarize, go for it if:

You have strong emotions for your partner (approaching something like love, but doesn't have to be that exactly)

Your trust for your partner is built on time and quality

You have a clear idea of your motivations and expectations

You have significant horniness.

Reasons to not do it:

Pressure from your BF (he should be willing to neck and pet for a very long time before penetration)

No contraception

Lack of horniness

Lack of emotional maturity in this particular regard (you can be super-mature in other ways and be backward on sex, it wouldn't be that far-fetched).

Little post script:

The right guy is a good hearted trust worthy lad that at least gets your blood boilin' to some extent.

The right time is when you are horny, prepared for the consequences, and not compromising your self-respect and health.

That's it.

Answer 2

Trust me, you will def know when your ready to do the do. Right now your mind is telling you that you are not ready to go that far, which is a good thing. The longer you hold out the better you will feel later that you did'nt just give it to just anyone or the person that might not be there next year or the year after that. Don't worry about your boyfriend, he'll get over asking and if he's a real man he will not keep pressuring you. You already made up your mind, you have a goal, don't let him destroy it. Hope this helps :)

Answer 3

If you have that little voice saying to stop...it's for a reason!
Once you give your purity away..it's gone! You will so regret it in the future! Trust me, I hear from young people all of the time that say the very thing!
It's so special to wait. Guys are raging!! They want it and convince you that you need it too! That is nature talking! Just wait and see how long he sticks around if there isn't a possibility of sex.
Lastly, If you have to ask Pelople , than you really shouldn't be doing this. Talk to your folks...

Answer 4

He's pressuring you, and you hold back because that's all he wants to do. You probably don't talk much anymore, just making out A LOT!! You know deep inside that he's not the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with, but he's there now and interested. You're thinking this might be my only chance, but ti won't be. I thought all those things, and gave in and now I have to plan a party for a 3 year old, whose father has never even held her. PLEASE WAIT!! DON'T GIVE IN!! Sex (the act of having intercourse) won't change, but having sex with all the possible outcomes (babies, STDs curable and incurable) can change your whole life!!

Answer 5

If you don't know what to think, you have to be stupid and he knows it.He knows if he can get you half way there the battle is over. I don't know about the rest of the people on line, but I am going to tell you the truth. That guy don't care about nothing but one thing, that is getting between you little legs. The little legs that you should keep CLOSED TIGHT, REAL TIGHT.Tell that boy that would not hang around ten seconds if you became pregnant. While he is asking you to have sex ,ask him if he can take care of a baby. OH!OH!, let me answer, HELL NO! Stop trying to play house. Tell that little nasty boy to keep his thing in his pants, tell him OH HELL NO!. You tell him, you don't want to have sex, tell him you want to make love to your husband one day and you are saving yourself for the real thing. If you told him you are not ready , he should respect that and stop trying to push you into having sex. Ask anyone they will tell you, if he cared about you he would not keep trying to get you in bed. It really sounds lke he has made a bet with the guys he is going to get you in bed. That is why he won't give up, he has something to prove. It is obviouis he has more experience then you let him move on, he is too fast for you and you are too good for him. the beginning of my statement was only to make a point, not really to say that I think you are stupid, because I really don't. I know deep down you see this guy for who he really is a DOG, give him a bone and let him run.

Answer 6

You will know when the time is right. Don't do it because someone else wants you to. You will be disappointed with yourself moreso if you do it and weren't ready. There are plenty of other things you and your bf can do to explore each other intimately without having sex. Make sure you are 100% comfortable with each other before you move onto the grand finale. Let your conscious be your guide.

Answer 7

Oh if only I knew when I was younger the power that we as women, virgin women, have with guys i would have held onto my "power" a lot longer than i did. If he cannot wait now, then he wouldn't have waited around after. Trust me, do what is best for you and I second the motion of using birthcontrol times 2.

Answer 8

I would dare to say that almost anyone who asks this question isn't ready. There's nothing wrong with having those urges, but there is something with pressuring someone into it. If you told him you weren't ready then he should absolutely respect that. As harsh as it sounds, if he's continually asks despite knowing that you're not comfortable with it, then maybe he's not the right guy for you.

Answer 9

If you have to ask strangers on the internet, the answer is no. If you tell him you want to wait, but he bugs you the next day, then there is no respect for you and he'll leave you as soon as you sleep with him because now you are just a challenge for him to brag about.

Answer 10

First thing make it special dont plan it it never happens if you plan it....but if you feel pressured dont do it ..If its your first time ever having sex... you better make sure its what you want and make it special that way you can look back and have good thoughts instead of it was a quickie and had no pleasure from it