My mom and I have always had complications, especially when it comes to dating. I am 19 years old and still live in my house. I go to a Christian college, I attend church 3 days a week like she wants me to and I bend over backwards to kiss my butt for her when she needs me to. She will tell her friends that I will baby sit for them or do other chores w/ out even asking me! Then when I want to go off and do something for me, like going on a date w/ my b/f (whom she likes a lot) all hell breaks loose. She asks me if my 13 year old brother can tag along on my DATE!! When I tell her no, it's my date she blows up and tells me I never to do anything with him or do anything for her, which is a ball faced lie. I constantly am doing things for the both of them. This is really pissing me off. Then on top of all that she doesn't even listen to me. She's constantly on the phone with her friends. She spends more time w/ them than me. Yes, I have talked to her about this and she gets mad @ me! HELP!
2007-08-04 11:38:14 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
What's her relationship like with her mother? If it's similar, it could be the only way she does know how to parent, (which doesn't necessarily make it right). If it's similar, you could ask her how she felt when her mom treated her like that. It sounds like she has a lot of control issues. She could just be scared of you growing up, or worry that you might make bad choices with your bf, ending up in pregnancy.
It seems that a lot of moms, who had kids too early.. think their children might make the same mistakes they did. Although I don't know if that's relevant to your situation. I do know that a lot of parents who did have kids, before they were done partying/being young/ seeing the world, seem to rely on their oldest to stand in as a second mom.
I think you are at an age, where you've hit the crossroads with her. You aren't a child any longer, but an adult and you can make your own decisions. At some point, she is going to figure this out. But ultimately, its up to you, to say "No, I already made plans for tonight" and set your boundaries. If she gets mad, and starts screaming, you might try pointing out she's supposed to be the parent, and the adult here. If you can't throw tantrums, why can she? (This doesn't always go over well for the record, but it can stop them)
If all else fails, you could always move out. I recommend not with the boyfriend though. Being on your own, can definitely help you grow into yourself more, as well as learn to come across more as an adult on her level.
2007-08-04 12:10:52 · answer #1 · answered by i_have_cheese_dreams 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a mom for you ! They ARE pretty much all like that. But yours does seem to have gove overboard.
I suggest you sit down with her & tell her, what you've told us. You've got your point across to me, OK.
You ARE old enough to make your own decisions - but parents try to "help" always. I'm 44yo & my parents live 5,000 miles away. But my mom still tries to "organise me".
She should NOT be making commitments for you, without asking.
You may have to refuse her, before she takes you seriously. But if you are tactful, your relationship can improve over the years - as an adult, rather than a child.
Good luck.
2007-08-04 18:47:57 · answer #2 · answered by dryheatdave 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you do live in her house, even though it sounds like she is a pain. Is there any way you can move out? Maybe move into the dorms at your school or find a place with some roommates?
2007-08-04 18:45:12 · answer #3 · answered by Tina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a date is no where a child should tag along. don't take him and buy some ear plugs
2007-08-08 18:04:40 · answer #4 · answered by cheri h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋