Should i let my boyfriend have a THREESOME? Or am i settine myself up for disaster?

Question

My boyfriend's been wanting to have a threesome with me and another girl of my choice but i just cant do it. something about seeing him be with another girl just make my stomach turn, even if i were there too. He sais he wants to do it just for the experience and because hes a guy and its natural to want to have a threesome. I feel a bit hurt and offende that i felt like im not enough for him anymore since he's so eager to have sex with someone other than me. I told him a gave him a free pass to have a threesome with two other girls because i just cant do it and i love him so much that im willig to do that because i know how much he wants it. Then maybe he'll get that idea out of his head. But he wont take the opportunity. He sais that no matter what its always going to be in his head even if he did it or not. He said i'd be having sex too so its fair for the both of us. Am i wrong to let him do this or is he for letting the opportunity pass him by.

Answer 1

"Should i let my boyfriend have a THREESOME? Or am i setting myself up for disaster?"

From what you said here you are setting yourself up for personal disaster. You would always resent him for it later, and hate yourself for going against your own feelings.

Chances are he would not leave you for the other woman (girl?), but if you don't want to do it and the thought of him having good sex with someone else is not a turn-on for you, than you should not do it.

Yes, many guys and girls have a threesome fantasy. In fact in a 2005 Playboy sex survey 40% of respondents - both male and female - said a threesome was their #1 fantasy. Only 20% had actually every had one.

But, for some, fantasies are better left fantasies. Not everyone is emotionally cut-out to experience such things. You have to be very secure in yourself, your partner, and your relationship. Also, as I said before the idea of your partner's socks getting knocked-off sexually has to be as big a turn-on as your socks getting knocked-off sexually by someone else.

Should you feel hurt and offended like you are not enough for him? No. It's not replacement sex for you, or better sex than you, it's additional sex. Nothing more. He's not dissatisfied with you in the least bit.

"He says that no matter what its always going to be in his head even if he did it or not."

True, it might be, but the majority of people go through life never having a threesome and they are happy. The point is that the idea of him having sex with another woman makes your stomach turn and therefore you together shouldn't it and he shouldn't do it solo. He has to decide what's more important to him: a threesome or you.

"He said I'd be having sex too so its fair for the both of us."

Really? Are you bi? Will you be having sex with her too? Or just your boyfriend who will have sex with both you and the other woman? How would he feel about having a MFM threesome where you can have sex with him and the other man but he doesn't have sex with the other guy because he's not bi? Would he be saying the same thing? If he can't make the same statement if the tables were turned and it was another guy and you two, than he is just saying whatever he has to to coerce you into doing what he selfishly wants.

"Am i wrong to let him do this or is he for letting the opportunity pass him by."

Again, 80% of the people in this world never have a threesome or moresome. He won't die if it doesn't happen to him. You would be wrong if you did something against your will or something that would make you sad (like letting him do it solo). Once again, he has to decide what is more important to him - a threesome or you.

P.S. Having done many of both I can tell you with utmost authority that MFM threesomes are better than FMF threesomes, at least if you are not a selfish person. I love to see my wife having the time of her life and being the center of attention between me and another guy. She deserves it and her having a great time is essential to me having a great time.

Answer 2

Wow, the fact that you've tried everything and he still isn't satisfied, says a lot about his character. By this time, I would have left him and I'm a loyal woman. Like most have said, a threesome will NOT help your relationship, it will destroy it. Also, sex and different sex positions will not help your relationship either. Maybe it's not sex that he's bored with. Maybe he wants to be single again when things are brand new and exciting with different women. It's something mental. I don't think it has anything to do with you or your guy's sex life. I think he's not appreciating what he is. Most women wouldn't have tried so hard, and honestly, he doesn't deserve you. You deserve way better. If he truly loved you, then all that you're doing would be enough. My boyfriend and I stopped having sex because we got so busy between work and our families. It was actually not good for our relationship, because we both believe that sex is a spiritual connecting with another person. Not some lustful, raw, savage act like most romance movies depict. We started having sex again, but we both felt bored of doing the old, same stuff. So, we started looking up different positions to try, like when we first met. When we first started dating, our sex was wild and crazy. In weird public places, spur of the moment, roleplaying, fantasies, rough, etc. We did everything. Recently, we started doing that all again and our relationship is stronger than ever. Though our relationship is founded on pure love. If he loved you, he wouldn't be "bored". What a dick thing to say. He should be grateful. Dump his ***.

Answer 3

Obviously you still have some emotional concerns about trust, how this will affect the relationship, etc. The good news is that it is your boyfriend's responsibility to help resolve these, before he involves you in a threesome.

Tell him to try the link below, and to order the "Threesomes: make your fantasy a reality." Like anything else in life, if you want to do something, it doesn't hurt to look at people who have done it before successfully, and follow their model.

If you both work through your issues, and you still feel it isn't right for you, then you may consider breaking up. If this fantasy means a lot to him, then he needs a bisexual or bicurious girlfriend who would be willing to try this out. That's not a knock on you; you want what you want.... but if you aren't remotely interested, then it's not going to happen for him, and you should not feel obligated to do something you really don't want to do.

Answer 4

DO NOT accept a threesome if you feel like that. DO NOT do anything that you don't want to do. I understand you feel like that.
If you agree you're going to be hurt just for his enjoyment, you are not less than him, his well-being is not more worth than yours!

Have you tried this? tell him you agree but you want to do the same but with him and another guy at the same time. See his reaction and answer him accordingly.

This type of guys will be dumped by normal women until they find a dummy who is willing to accept his terms or they'll find themselves at the end of the road changing their attitudes because they have been dumped so often they're tired of being alone.

You already offered him the possibility of doing it without you and not all women would agree to that. That's quite a bit.

Answer 5

If you think this is going to be a disaster for your relationship then don't do it. My hubby and I thought about it just jokingly and we talked about it more and finally decided not to. Our reasons were this:
1. Would the other person be going back to THE person of interest for themselves?

2. Are they going to do more with the new person and you get left out?

3. Will they leave you for this person you are trying new things with?

Ask yourself these questions and talk to him about it more and tell him that you don't feel comfortable about it. Let him know that this might not be such a good idea. It may hurt you in the long run.

Answer 6

The boy/girl stuff was meant for a married couple, and
marraige is a holy estate between a man,woman and God.
wherein is the sanctity of a lustful union ?

Even considering the possibility enough to ask you is
a step into a failed companionship. Disaster may be
underfoot already.

Answer 7

informing yourself on what the consequences of loving and dating somebody like this is your better bet, i dont know what your past or belief system is, but too many- way too many times, peoples lifes have been wrecked and futures lost due to not having all the facts and tools for being in healthy relationships, sexual or not, dont let yourself be fooled or taken advantage of by wolfs in sheeps clothing, meaning, a boy telling you all the right things only for you to fnd out later that that boy had lied to you to get what he wanted, does that ring a bell to you? if it does then start educating yourself about how to spot people like that and steer your life towards the positive that exists in this world instead of the negative that seems to be in your life now, ie., a threesome(what a crock of bullshitt this guy is laying on you), being open minded doesnt mean lowering your self respect, kick this wreck that is coming soon to your life, if you continue to be involved with this so called boy, expect more of the same sadness, be confused no more, your life and health depend on you getting this one question correct, you will find what you are looking for when you least expect it and inform yourself on what you really want in this life, and not by others telling you what it is you want, if that makes sense to you.....

check this article out, may open your eyes to what he is really asking you to do.....
http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/stds/a/sextrandisfacts.htm

HAND have a nice day!!!

Answer 8

His needs and wants are his needs and wants.
Your values are your values.
What is the question really?
Are you asking if you should give into your values?
I certainly won't tell you that you should do that.

There are plenty of other opportunities out there to have a intimate relationship with someone of the opposite sex.
Finding someone who "gets" you is the challenge.
People get caught up emotionally, and can't move on, I repeat, there are plenty of men/boys out there to have intimate one-on-one relationships with.
He told you, "It will always be on his mind", What, you either give in, don't give in, he is resentful, goes behind your back, maybe you marry, he does it then too, do you get the picture.
Find someone with similar values.
This is a big difference.
Are you up for it.

Answer 9

It's not natural to have a 3some. It's stupid, immature, and disrespectful in a committed realtionship. Don't let him put a mind trip on you. He shouldn't want to do this if he's serious about being in a relationship with you.

You have no idea what the 3rd person has. You want an STD? Let your bf get one, not you and if he's going to have this in his head no matter what. So be it. His problem not yours and if he has no self-control and does something he shouldn't, then lose him.

Answer 10

dont do it. if he wants a threesome, it is still considered cheating because he is with another girl. one guy for every girl- taht is how it should be. my girlfriend wanted the same thing, but even with another girl it wouldve been awkward because then id have to share my love for her and the other girl, which i was not going to do. my girl then told me that she wouldnt want it that way either, so it was just us 2 again....thats how it should b.