My 17 year old son will not eat with his knife and fork in the 'proper' hands, what can I do ?

Question

He eats with his fork in his right hand. Even though I'm left handed I've never done this. It drives me potty. He doesn't think it's important, even if he eats out, but I told him people will judge him for this. Know it sounds snobby, but that's the way I am.

Thats' told me hasn't it? Lol

Bearkathea. I'm not a stay at home mum. It's actually the only gripe I have with him, and we get on really well.

Answer 1

Oh dahling, one is tossing upon a subject most trivial.
Etiquette nowadays is seen as uncool or more properly, gay.
It's not, but let him be his own person-thankfully straight...

Answer 2

I have eaten my entire life with my fork in my right hand and my knife in my left.

To be honest, very few people notice (apart from my gran, who was a bit of a stickler for proper etiquette like yourself)

The reason is that my body is very biased. I can do very little with my left hand. That includes getting the food into my mouth. If I ate the "proper" way round, I'd end up making a big mess.

All these people who say it doesn't matter though...actually I find it does sometimes.

Firstly, sitting at a crowded table, I often bump elbows with the person on my right, who is eating with their fork in their left hand.

Secondly, the serrations on knives are on the wrong side to eat with the knife in the left. This means that people who eat this way round tend to "drag" with their fork to cut, rather than saw with the knife.

But seriously, like all those other people said, if that's the biggest "problem" your seventeen-year-old has, you are a very lucky mother indeed.

It certainly has never hindered me in life in any way.

Best,
abdotzed

Answer 3

Actually, I'm not sure if I understand the question 100%, but if it's what I think it is, I don't think he's doing anything wrong. From a strictly technical point, Europeans eat with the knife right and fork left. North Americans cut with knife right and fork left, then switch to fork right to eat. Does it cut with his left hand? If so, it's technically wrong, but as far as I can tell, as long as he is cutting with his right hand, he's fine. That's what I do, and I will not sit down for a meal with anyone who insists I be even more technically correct than this. After all, I'm not dining with the queen of England and neither is your son.

Answer 4

Seriously, what the heck does it matter what hand you hold your fork with? I have never heard of such an asinine "etiquette" rule. The "proper" hand to use is the one that gets the food from the plate to the mouth with the least spillage, be it one's right hand or another's left hand. Seriously lady, come out of the Victorian ages. I can do one better than your obsession with that - you're left-handed, so you're possessed by the devil. Sound like a ridiculous antiquated thing? So is the fork obsession.

Answer 5

It's no longer an issue whether the knife and fork are in the right hands. Be grateful he eats with a knife and fork at all, I know a 19 year old lad who refuses to eat with anything except his fingers. It's just not nice - he also refuses to eat anything that can't be eaten with his hands.

Answer 6

This is probably the most ridiculous thing that I have ever read.

I am 19 years old. I moved out of my mother's house about a year ago and I was always being picked on by her for small, unimportant things and I hate her for it.

If your son is comfortable, then let him live his life.

There is nothing that kids hate more than an overly controlling parent.

The impression that I am receiving from you is that you are a stay at home mom with nothing to do but nag about nit-picky things. Get a life and get out of your sons. He is 17 years old. There are more things that you need to be worrying about besides his dinner table etiquette.

I am sure that you have your own worries about yourself to deal with besides what hand your son is holding the steak knife with. Please lay off of your son and let him do what he wants to do. He is almost grown and out of your house so give him space and stop being a suffocating and controlling mother. He will resent you later for your problems such as these.

Answer 7

Well think of it this way, is he more comfortable eating with his fork in his right hand than his left hand? Does he have more control over his right hand than his left hand? If he does than leave him alone and let him eat with the fork in his right hand, besides if he ever visits American he'll fit right in. We all, unless we are left-handed, eat with our forks in our right hand.We use the fork in our lefthand only to steady the piece of food that we are cutting with our knife in our right hand. I'm sure there are other things more significant than a fork. Really there are.

Answer 8

I'm confused here. If he eats with the fork in his right hand, isn't that proper? Most of the folks around here do that, if they are right handed.

I happen to be left handed, and so, use my left hand to hold my fork. I never felt judged for it.

Nobody ever mentioned that it's wrong. Why can't we use the fork in whichever hand we have the most control?

Answer 9

Lucky you, if that's the only gripe you have with your son. It shouldn't be a problem what hand he holds his fork in. I'm left handed and I hold mine in my left hand. My mum is right handed and she holds hers in her right hand. We both agree that the shovelling implement should go in your strongest hand, though I imagine you'd judge me for that. Though to be honest, I don't imagine most people would notice and if they did comment negatively, surely that would reflect worse on them than him?

Answer 10

It could simply have come about that he was copying you when he was growing up. Did you use to sit opposite him at the table, when he was learning to use a knife and fork? Also, being a leftie (like me) you'd have fed him in his high chair etc with the fork in your left hand, so it would have been natural to him to grab it with his right. To him, he was mirroring you, and picking up his knife and fork in what was, to him at the time, the "same" hands as you.

Answer 11

Sounds like you're from a different country that I am, "drives me potty". It's perfectly acceptable from an etiquette standpoint to eat with either hand.