should i tell the father?

Question

So i found out im pregnant and im 19. I havent told anyone yet. I was wondering if i should tell the father of the baby. I know i should, but i already know what is going to happen. nothing. he is moving out of state for college and im going back to nyc for school. I know he wont be involved he is a jerk. we havent even seen eachother in about two weeks. so were not even talking. I plan on prob doing adoption. abortion is not an option and i dont know how i could keep the baby. and he would never find out, i will be in nyc for a year. so. what do u think should i tell him?

he is def the father i have only been with him no one else ever so... yes def the father no doubt.

Answer 1

Sounds like your indipendent. Tell him the truth and dont be ashamed to tell him he's going to pay child support. Honey you didnt make this baby on your own ok?

Answer 2

You should tell him that he is going to be a father, no matter if he is a jerk or not. Sometimes I wonder what makes people forget about protected sex. But it is too late for that what is done is done. You have pre-judged him to be a jerk, but under these circumstances don't you think he might just think twice? He will be a father, and in most cases when a man finds that out he tends to mature a little. Knowing that it is a responsibility to have children and support them. His whole attitude may change once he finds out. I think that the unborn child has a right to know his parents, the both of you. The child did not ask to come into this world, so the responsibility of taking care of the baby falls to the both of you. For nurturing, medical care, support, and all of the other responsibilities that arrive from being parents. You are for adoption, but you haven't set your eyes on the baby's eyes yet, and counted the toes, and see what a perfect marvel that God has provided for you.Right now for some reason you sound as if you are bitter, and this child should be someones responsibility but not yours. Take your time on your decision because once it is made, it can't be changed. Yes tell your baby's father that he is going to be a father, and see what his reactions are, and go from there. Good Luck. It's important that you take one day at a time, like baby steps. Do what is best for all of you that are conerned in this matter. I think that your parents should also be involved, especially your Mother.

Answer 3

You should tell him. If he's a jerk like you say, then he'll let you do whatever you want because he won't want to be involved. I'm glad that abortion is not an option, and I hope that if you choose adoption that you are able to let go in a way that doesn't cause lingering pain. I speak as the single mother of a soon to be 3 year old who has never seen her father face to face. I pray that all goes well whatever decision make. I hope that this is a wake up call about premarital sex, because my daughter was definitely one for me.

Answer 4

By all means let him and his parents know that you are pregnant by him. Don't be surprised if he denies it or wants a blood test to confirm paternity. Then you have several options. The adoption one is a very good one, happy to hear that you are not considering an abortion. If the child is his and you opt to keep it and raise it, he is obligated by law to provide support if he is the father. Perhaps your parents or even his parents want to raise the baby, or help support you so that you can raise the child. Be sure to get counseling, perhaps from a Pregnancy Care Centre in your area. I wish you all the best with the many decisions that you will be making over the next months. Vaya Con Dios.

Answer 5

Dear Preggers-

I would suggest that you be honest with him and tell him about the Baby. He may want to have a test done just to make sure that he is indeed the daddy, but just play along with his game. You also need to be honest with him and tell him what your intentions are too.

I respect your wishes about the whole abortion issue, but you must understand that may be a necessary option for the benefit of the two of you and your career paths. This sounds like a very cold and insensitve thing to say, but the fact of the matter is that even from my Christian Background the Baby is not a true Baby until it is past the First Trimester in development. Now, yes there are people who would argue that point, but please for the sake of your own education, don't completely rule it out.

That said, the other option is indeed an adoption program. But here is an issue with that. My wife is an adopted child from Germany. The problem with this option is the fact that the child may in the future choose to seek out his or her birth parents. If you choose to not be honest with your boyfriend whom helped you create this Baby, you could find youself answering some very bitter and difficult questions later in life. Now if you can live with that responsibility then so be it.

The same goes for the child too. They may have questions as to why they were not wanted by Mommy. Now yes those questions are going to be difficult, but as my wife found out, her mother could not provide a good home, nor could she have taken care of the child properly. My wife was accepting of that answer, but I could see that it was very difficult for her to accept. Fortunately, she had excellent adoptive parents that loved her and still love her.

As for the part where he will never find out, well don't hold your breath on that one. The hospital is going to want that information on the Birth Certificate, and you would be suprised how he would find out. Especially if he should apply for a job that requires a fairly extensive background check, like for Law Enforcement or Government Employment of any kind. Then you are going to be in a real pickle.

Because I currently work for Department of Homeland Security, trust me he will learn of it shortly after the child is born. Remember what I said about the bitter and difficult questions.

But being honest all the way around is going to be better than trying to hide it. Whether its from your parents or him, this is a game that can very easily turn into a custody battle without a devorce ever happening.

Lastly, DONT GET MARRIED OUT OF RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE COMING CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Sister is going through one of these types of devorces and its getting quite ugly with the whole restraining order mess and everything. In her own words:

"I should have never married him. I should have just dealt with the child and the necessary child support from the beginning."

Needless to say she is in a big mess now, and I can only stand back, watch and help her when she needs help. But its a real mess.

So listen to me when I say to you, that you need to be honest with everyone, parents, boyfriend, and his parents alike. Yes its going to be stressful, but at least you know that you did your part and your concience is clean.

I hope I helped you out, and for the record; congratulations on the baby anyway.

Answer 6

he still has a right to know. You never know what he will say. Maybe it will wake him up and will want to take responsibility. Don't expect him to like the idea though. You can't take this away from him no matter how you think he will answer. I am glad though you are not thinking of abortion. I would tell him, and then tell him you were thinking of giving it up for adoption. As long as he doesn't think you are trying to trap him he should be kind and understanding to you. Just don't be a ***** about it to him.

Answer 7

i say, yes, tell him. if he is the father of your child, he deserves to know that. you never know if he'll come around and want the baby, or his mother or father might want it. i have a friend who was pregnant, and the father was a jerk but he still took the kid and him and his mother looked after it. as far as abortion/adoption, i'd say go with adoption, because every baby has the right to live and be a person himself. you never know, she could grow up to be the next angelina jolie or he could be the next brad pitt, but do what you feel is right and i say: good luck!

Answer 8

If you don't tell him, and he finds out later....

Besides, you may end up not wanting to give up the child. So maybe the father won't be around much, but hopefully he'll be responsible enough to help out with some of the expenses. Even if it's just a one time payment to help with the early costs. And who knows, maybe he'll turn out to be more supportive than you think. Give it some thought at least.

Good luck.

Answer 9

I would tell him, you never know what will happen! And both of you can decide on keeping the baby or giving the baby up for adoption.

Answer 10

I'm glad abortion is not an option. Thank God!! The father needs to know even if he is a jerk.