This girl has recently got in touch with my boyfriend and wants to meet up with him for a drink. They went to school together and are now 26. They weren't really good mates, but they would chat and stuff if they bumped into each other. All his mates think she fancies him, and have said this for years - before I even got together with my boyfriend.
She knows he has a girlfriend. I'm a bit uneasy about this. I wouldn't be if they were really good mates and just lost contact but they weren't. I don't mind him having girl friends it just strikes me as a bit odd that she'd suddently text like that out of the blue. She also put kisses in all her texts. I do kisses all the time too, but not to guys who i know are in relationships out of respect.
I trust my boyfriend, but wonder why I'm not invited to meet her and also I think she might get the wrong idea and get her hopes up. Am I being silly?!
2007-08-04 06:30:11 · 16 answers · asked by magic_porridge_pot 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She doesn't have a boyfriend. He wouldn't invite me if he was meeting up with a guy mate so I think he feels the same should apply if it's a girl.
2007-08-04 06:36:06 · update #1
I've spoken of my concerns to him and he says he will just keep 'putting her off' if she gets in touch. He doesn't believe me or his friends when we suggest she fancies him - because he doesn't see her in that way. I'm still worried though as I think she will keep texting etc.
2007-08-04 06:52:06 · update #2
Nope - I don't think your being silly at all. That sort of situation would make me uncomfortable as hell.
I'm not much for irrational jealousy - but I think in this case it is perfectly rational. I'd tell him how uneasy this makes you and ask him nicely not to go. Offer him a tempting alternative to meeting up with Miss Text Kisses. Yeah ... that would piss me off.
2007-08-04 06:37:52 · answer #1 · answered by andijxo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend is meeting some female. He needs to take you alone or he should'nt go either. No, you are not being silly but I'm telling you that woman is meeting your boyfriend with intentions of starting a relationship. She's not sending him kisses on a text for nothing. That woman wants your man.
2007-08-04 06:40:09 · answer #2 · answered by cynthia r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you're not. Don't wait for an invite - invite yourself - be breezy and say it can be great meeting up with old pals etc and you cannot wait to meet her.
See from his reaction where he stands - he is not being forced to meet her - if he has no problem with you coming, his intentions are honourable, if he hesitates or finds excuses for you NOT to go then you have to ask yourself why he does not want to present a united front to this girl and instead go along on his tod creating an impression of being unattached/available.
Don't get mad - get to the bottom of it and call him out.
2007-08-04 06:35:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your position is totally understandable. i've heard somewhere or another a saying that was like 'if there is no jealousy it's not really love' or something like that.
what i'd do personally is perhaps ask if he wants to invite her over/out for dinner with you two. tell him that you want to meet her too and perhaps playfully get some 'old dirt' on how he was when he was in school. if you meet her you can 'claim your territory' so to say and it'll be easier for her to picture him as 'taken'. you also need to communicate with your bf how you honetly feel...bless their hearts, sometimes men are oblivious to how their significant others feel. you dont need to act jealous or territorial around her (perhaps that's what your bf is afraid of?) but take stuff with a grain of salt and try to be her friend too.
it's hard to say what her intentions are. kisses (esp those by text) are a funny fickle thing that some people mind and others dont. just try to tell your bf how you feel and/or meet her too so you can get a better sense of her character and just what she does think of your bf.
just bear in mind though that it might be weird for him to mix 'past' with 'present'!
GL hun!
2007-08-04 06:50:30 · answer #4 · answered by Dear Abby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like trouble looming on the not too distant horizon and you're wise to be concerned. The thing is, there's not a lot that can be done about this from your end; it's incumbent upon your boyfriend to recognize the threat she represents and act accordingly, and as such this amounts to one of those "relationship tests" all relationships go through in one form or another. You should talk to him well ahead of this proposed "drink meeting" to voice your concerns (in as calm a manner as you can muster). Then you have only your faith in the relationship you've cultivated to see you through the rest as this situation evolves. (Ideally, it should dawn on him that this meeting is a bad idea and he should pass on the whole thing...but that's only one person's opinion, and his may very well differ.) After you've done this, try not to worry. Realize that, uncomfortable though this is likely to be, no one can take anything from you that is truly yours (and anything that can be taken wasn't yours to start with). I wish you all the best as you face this.
2007-08-04 06:42:46 · answer #5 · answered by Captain S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not being silly at all.
I agree with you totally.
There's nothing wrong with him meeting friends that are girls for something to eat, but actually you should always be invited too.
If you have nothing to hide, then hide nothing.
And if he doesn't let you go, you need to tell him that she might read that the wrong way and think that he's interested in "her". And that's why he didn't want you to go.
I agree with you.
If you aren't invited that is just totally disrespectful from her and him !!!
2007-08-04 06:37:26 · answer #6 · answered by MommaBear 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're not being silly at all. this situation is somewhat similar to one that i had, so here's what someone answered me with:
"I'm not a jealous person at all, but you've got to see the bright, red flag when that happens. It's hardly ever platonic when two exes go out by themselves together. That's really just begging to be cheated on. I would be suspicious and honestly, I wouldn't stand for it. Even if he's not cheating physically (and how can you know he isn't?) he probably is cheating mentally.
Tell him that you understand he has female friends, but you just can't deal with him going out by himself with an ex-girlfriend. Ask him to put himself in your shoes and ask how he would feel if the situation was reversed. Tell him that as much as you respect his independence, you don't feel comfortable with him going out by himself with an ex-girlfriend and ask to accompany them if they decide to do anything. This will also help establish you as a presence to the ex-girlfriend. If he continues to see his ex, I'd ditch him and quickly."
it's not exact, but i hope you can get something out of it. personally, i'd let them go get a drink just this once, but i'd insist that he take someone else with him, if not you. good luck!
2007-08-04 06:36:43 · answer #7 · answered by Erin L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that if he wants to go then he must let you go as well and tell him that you think she should stop putting all those kisses in her texts cause you are his gf and you are not going anywhere. Cause some lady wanted my bf and I was like hold on there she went so far as to find out my yahoo id and try to trash my puter but it did not work cause we are still together been three years now.
2007-08-04 06:39:14 · answer #8 · answered by cackle_2002 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell your boyfriend of your concerns. I dealt with the same situation a few years back. I told him what she was up to and told him that girls are very sneeky and will try anything to get you away from him.
So I would say the same to him. Say you trust him but not her, and to watch out for advances.
2007-08-04 06:43:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he won't let you meet her or be involved in the friendship then move on as he is not into just you!
simple as that
i have always had plenty of female friends and one recently said that if/when i married she wants to arrange the Hmoon now that is a real female friend
not one behind closed doors like his!!!
you don't trust him and probably shouldn't
tell us the truth
2007-08-04 06:42:12 · answer #10 · answered by benji 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋