I need advice i caught my 17 yr old niece...?

Question

I caught my niece Ally who just turned 17 yrs old 2 months ago with an ovulation test kit and pre-nal vitamins?Her parents are divorced and have been for about a year now but still fighting over money,and her dad wants a paternity tests done due to her moms affair.Her moms in U.K right now with a new bf who got her a job in London for the next 6 months so i have been watching her while my parents look after her younger brothers.When i spoke to her about what i found she told me that she wanted a baby to love and care for.She explained that she's almost a mature adult and can easily take care of a baby.She thinks that there are tons of single moms who make it work/ finishing school, who get good jobs,dress nicley,and still get to have lives ie. party ect.She is basing this off of me and 3 of my friends who are single moms but she is overlooking the fact that we were all 20 yrs old or over when we became parents.I have no clue how to handle this i am only 29 but cant seem to relate?

When i spoke to her mom about this she did not seem concerned at all saying it is probably just a phase and to put her in therapy.I am having a panic attack because my niece is rebelling since our talk and sneaking out.I dont know how to get throught to her?

My daughter is only turning 9 so i am way out of my league.Not to mention she think there is no real difference between 20 and 17!

Answer 1

Find out who the potential Dad is and let him know. Sounds like sabatage but he may not be aware that hes been targeted, and its his potental offsping too.

Answer 2

Explain to her that a baby takes a lot of care, time and money. Tell her that you are making it on your own and wouldn't give up your child for anything BUT if you were her you would make the adult choice to not get pregnant until the situation was the best it could be for her and a baby. Also explain how tiny and sweet baby's are then they turn into crying pooping, eating machines (still wonderful but not as fun as say...a doll) They are baby's such a short time then they are kids. Talk about the raising issues probably most important is tell her the baby deserves the best and at 17 she cant give it a stable family which is the best. She needs to feel loved. Tell her that her parents love her and even the paternity test isn't because her father doesn't love her it is an issue between her mother and father not her. Tell her parents that that info should never have been told to her and they are neglecting her emotionally and she needs it.

Answer 3

Hello ... I have been where SHE is and I did get pregnant. I was only 15. I think what her problem is she doesn't feel loved right now. She is looking at life like if she has this baby then the baby will HAVE to love her. Right now during herl ife she is going thru a lot and doesn't know where to put her emotions. She is probably feeling abandoned and alone with her mother moving on and her father gone and her not being with either one. She is feeling a lack of closeness. She needs to feel connected and loved again... AND she needs to know it not as easy as some people make it look. I went thru this too when I was 15. I did end up pregnant .. and I was only in the 9th grade. I had my baby and have taken care of her ever since but its been a non stop struggle for years. Even just to finish high school ... had to get babysitters. Also didn't help that I was on my own once she was born ... my parents kicked me and her out of the house. If you have anyone that you know who has young kids and would like some time away let her watch them for a week or more. Make her bear all the responsibilities of it all. She needs to know that having a baby right now is a selfish thing to do... and she needs to think about the baby's needs too. Then make sure she knows her parents and the rest of the family love her. If she is feeling alone in the world she is going to continue to try to get pregnant because she knows this baby will be dependant on her and 'have' to love her. Good luck!

Answer 4

well point out the fact that it isn't as easy as she thinks it is. let her know that if she gets pregnant now ( i am assuming she is still in school) then she is going to have to quit school to get a job to support the baby but not too many places hire pregnant people because of the maternity leave and not all places offer it. plus if she thinks that college and work and a child is easy lol yea I had my daughter at 19 and I am 21 and i still cant even finish a semester more less college i have to wait until they are older just so i can. babies are expensive. I am working a job that pays only 7.50 an hour i bring home 370 every two weeks. thank god i have my babys father but if i didnt i wouldnt be able to survive. try to find some info on this and see if there is anyone who has been through this to show her how hard it is. good luck. and if all else fails tell her parents.

Answer 5

This is so incredibly appalling. I'm going to paste an answer I just gave someone else, okay? And I really hope you read all of it: It is entirely selfish for you to have a baby now, not being in a position to take care of one. A baby is expensive. When I say expensive, I mean diapers $100/month, doctor's appointments almost every month, two in the first month, hospital bills (which are crazy if you don't have proper insurance), wipes, crib, changing table, formula (if you were to go that route), clothing, car seat, stroller, toys, - all the startup stuff. Thermometers, simple medicines, a diaper pail and liners, toiletries each month, blankets, burp cloths... literally, I could go on for hours of the start up costs that are 1000s of dollars before the baby even arrives. Then there's daycare. Then, when he/she arrives, a baby is no walk in the park. Give up spontaneity - you will never be able to just run out to a movie, or take a random drive, or go to a restaurant without having to make sure baby is packed, satisfied and ready to go. Meals are always interrupted, forget eating at a restaurant without having to hold your child at the same time while they twist to try to get out of your grasp. Trust me, dirty diapers are the least of your worries - late night wakings, in the first few months it's waking 2-4 (usually) sometimes even 5 times a night on a bad night - try this the night before an exam - there is no off switch. My one year old still wakes up 1-2 a night. Sometimes they will even sit up for an hour not wanting to go back to sleep. They wake up sick, you have to call the pediatrician super late and stay up making sure your baby is okay. Forget trying to do homework, school can be a nightmare, those midnight deadlines are so hard to meet. No more procrastination, you'd better shoot for having that assignment finished the day or two days before in order for it to actually be in right on time. Keeping the house straight is extremely difficult. They have so much laundry, it's ridiculous how something so tiny can make such a large pile of clothes in 3 days. They are constantly drooling, spitting up, spilling, pooping, in every thing you put on them. My son once peed while he was on the changing table and it shot clear into the hall! That was fun to clean up! Now then. I'm not telling you not to have sex. I'm just telling you, you'd better hope that you are not pregnant right now, and if you aren't, take this time as a lesson. Unprotected sex is not worth it, by any means. Precum may get you pregnant, it doesn't matter if he pulled out. Always, always, always, be on birth control (pill, IUD, anything), AND use a condom. Always. And if you absolutely can't do that, then don't have sex, seriously. I had my son at 19, and I have not had sex since before I gave birth to him, that's been about a year and a half now. I love my son, he is my life now, I wouldn't change anything. But take it from me - I am NOT having sex again until I am out of college and married, and ready to face whatever gets thrown at me, because this has NOT been easy, it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Women aged 30 and older have come after having a baby and said to me that they have been through college, worked full time jobs their whole lives, but that absolutely nothing was harder or more work than a child, and they have no idea how I'm doing all three at once, honestly, I don't either. Good luck.

Answer 6

Pretty sad for a 17 year old girl to have no other goals in life but to be a single mother.

And who does she plan to make the father of this child? Just some guy in a bar?

It's surprising that her mother isn't more concerned. That speaks volumes. Clearly she hasn't exactly been well loved or cared for in her life, and this is how it has ended up.

You can't make her decisions for her. As her aunt, you have done what you can by having a talk with her. You have told her the disadvantages of what she is doing. If her own mother wont even get involved properly, what chance do you have?

If this girl is determined to ruin her life, you can't stop her. Short of locking her up, what can you do? A girl who reaches 17 with this sort of mindset has had a pretty damaged childhood.

Answer 7

She needs to go to a counselor. Ask her whether she would be more comfortable with you sitting outside in the waiting area or if she'd prefer that you go in with her.

I hope you are able to get the financial help for this from her parents because it's not fair that you should have to be the most responsible person in her life when it seems her parents are being as irresponsible as their daughter. That's why they don't see the problem. The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

She thinks she will get the love from this baby she isn't getting from her parents. Little does she know babies don't give love, but it will need everything in the world from her.

Answer 8

The only thing you can do is to tell her how hard it is to be a parent let alone a single one.it maybe a good thing if you can talk to your local family planning officer as they can make arrangements for her to have a virtual baby to take care of for up to three months and that will show her how hard it realy is to be a single mother. she is only seeing the good side of being a parent. but being a parent to a virtual baby will show her the hard one to.children grow up very quickly these days especialy girls and it is not unusual for the older members of the family to feel as you do. but try and remember what it was like for you as a teenager as that never changes then maybe you will understand your neice a bit better. she may feel deprived of love and feels a baby will give her the love she is craving for.as she could be feeling deserted by her parents.and unloved by every one.having her parents split is a big up heavel in her life as she is no longer a child but not quite an adult yet.

Answer 9

Since she thinks that she is grown, treat her that way. What I mean is, does she have a job? If not she needs to get one. She needs to pay you rent, she needs to contribute to the house bills and since she wants a baby have her get a job at a daycare or something similar. When she wants to go out remind her that if she had a baby she couldn't go. Ask her who is going to watch this baby while she is in school because you sure as hell won't do it. When is she going to hang out with her friends and how is she going to live on her own with this baby because once she is pregnant she has to move out. Make her really think about it. Treat her as if she is grown and is 100% responsible for her baby and herself. It may not seem so easy anymore. AND in the mean time go to her pediatrician-- because she is still a child, and ask about Depo-Provera or another long acting birth control that you don't have to monitor daily. Tell her if she thinks she is ready then she needs to lease an apartment and live on her own.

Answer 10

you need to sit ur niece down and tell her that u and all ur friends were 20 when you did this if shes basing this information of u guys, u should also tell her of all the responsibilities that having a baby is, and explain to her that she is loved because she might be feeling a little neglected since her mom is in the UK with a new beau without her and her father doesnt want her unless she's his which could have her feeling unloved so explain these things to her and tell her to wait before she has this baby...Good Luck

Answer 11

you can relate to her you are a single mom. tell her about everything you went through good and bad, then if she still wants a baby maybe you could confront her about the fact that she doesnt feel loved because her parents got divorced is no reason to try and do it the right way right away. if she doesnt listen then there is probably nothing you can do except become a motherly figure and quick to her. maybe that will help her.