MOTHER in LAW question?

Question

ok, i think i have the mother in law from HELLL! what would you do if..... these are just a few examples of two things she said to your hubby while in IRAQ- he is deployed, in a letter. this has been going on for a total of 6 yrs.
a- *john*( your brother) wishes i die, b. your wife said that you hate me, c. my 3 daughter in laws sit and talk about me all the time!

I really dont care that she is talking about me, nor do my sister in laws, but the fact that she sent my hubby this letter in iraq, while he is fighting and was *extremely upset* over this letter, pissed beyond words, and well, now he is distracted by her stupidity to write such sh it to him, she could wind up getting him hurt!

would you call her up and tell her to stop writing the 'drama' section to him!

kessie, i do have children, and my son means the world to me, but at the same time,if he were married with children, i need to let him live his life, andiwould hope that i wouldn't wallow in self piity day after day as she does to get his attention. MY SON as it is, has extreme medical conditions, but I don't burdon my husband with them day after day! I take care of him, i deal with it and i tell my husband whats going on. She has a husband that lives with her and loves her, but she continues to create a [problem]where there isn't one in the first place! I have been nice for 5 yrs,but if she cause my husband to get injured, its HER fault and I will NEVER let her forget it or forgive her for it, as a MOTHER, she shouldn't WALLOW in self pitty and she should know better not to do this to her son!its discusting!one thing to do it to him while he is home, but in IRAQ, get a life!

the letter was to HIM in iraq, NOT to me, and HE is so very, very upset. MY husband has plans when he comes home,but from my stand point, i want to call , and for the time being I cant, due to my son and his medical conditions. but as soon as they clear, i am so ready. i am sooooo sick of the 'drama cycle' she is playing. He has 3 other brothers and she does the drama thing as well to them.

we also are moving 1700 miles away in dec, THANK GOD!!!!, we already live 4 hrs away from her already!

Answer 1

when your hubby lets her know to back off and take a flying leap then the drama will stop this is in his hands and always has been. you are simply a scape goat and right now its working for the both of them. tell him to deal with her asap not in a letter not an email but as soon as he comes home face to face. he needs to stand up and protect his wife. when he does this she will shut her mouth.

Answer 2

You can't change the way your MIL thinks or acts. Truly unfortunate in this case as you are especially right in what the stress can do to your DH. But if you confront the woman you stand the chance of her sending more letters just like this to him.

He on the other hand has a few options. Confronting her from overseas would be hard and might be more stressful in the long run. I think my advice would be not to open anymore of her letters if they're going to bother him that much. It's not something most people would think of but if he can take each letter, just look at the envelope and know that his mother was thinking of him and loves him and then file the unopened envelope away for later he might have better luck. He can still write her back with "I got your letter. Here's what I'm doing....". Then deal with the drama once he's home and can do it in person.

Hopefully this works out for the best. I'll keep your family and all our other soldiers, sailors and marines in my prayers.

Answer 3

I would call her and confront her and tell her that it isnt such a good idea to send letters such as those to him while he is there bc it is distracting him and it could cause him to get hurt and then it would be put on her as her fault for causing his mishap. Then I would tell her that she could at least wait until he gets home to say things like that. Tell her that you do not have a problem with her and are not talking about her. Tell her if she has a problem with you then she needs to talk to you about it to get it resolved, not your hubby. She sounds like she has major problems and she should be on medication for them. This could be the cause of her sending such messages to him. She is wallowing in self pity and feels like everyone hates her and needs confirmation that they do not to make her feel better. You should sit down and talk with her to tell her the problems you have with her as well. Try to help her. You never know, you and her may become close if you both can overcome the problems she has caused and she could change what she does.

Answer 4

You don't say how YOU feel about her. If you call her as you mentioned and do NOT have a good rapport with her, you'll only distance her more.

I'd suggest you call her but with understanding and compassion. Do you have children? I have two sons and the fear of them being in Iraq is overwhelming. Losing a child - or the potential of losing a child has to be the worst. Watching the news and hearing of even more beautiful, young, optimistic people losing their lives before they've even begun living them, is heartbreaking. She may be doing this to get get his sympathy or words of caring about her. Is her husband still alive? Is she alone?

You don't have the right to tell her what she can and cannot say to her son but you do have the ability to be kind. Try it - you might like it.

Answer 5

You will get nowhere but trying to change your mother-in -laws behavior. Your best bet is to write to your husband and tell him that his mother is a bit irrational with the stress that his deployment and worry have placed on her. If this has been going on for 6 years , I am sure he is aware that this is true. If you can, perhaps distance is the best way to handle this behavior until your husband is at home again. Has he spoken to his father about her odd behavior? Maybe she needs a through medical evaluation. Just ignore your mother in laws rantings ,and reassure your deployed husband that you miss him and love him and are looking forward to his return in _ days.

Answer 6

hi lady,

i would like to tell u something " She is really from hell "
but to settle with it for the time bieng until and unless ur sweet hubby returns u do one thing....

do all the stuffs tht she likes the most for a few days even if u hate it.
keeping this in mind while u r speaking to a person tht ur mother in law is hearin u from behind though she knows tht u cant see her around tell all the good things abt her to the person u r talkin to

and i hope by doing this she ll definetly realize tht she is wrong
i promise
check it out

Answer 7

You might think this is random, but just
Look up information on Borderline Personality Disorder.

They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.

Answer 8

If this was me, I would let her know that these kinds of letters hurt and bother me and why they do. After letting her know, I would just back off completely and not be involved in it. People who like drama like to suck others in to it..So, I know that if I was in this situation, I wouldn't want to be involved in it anymore than I had to...
Hope this helps,
Mrs.H

Answer 9

She is wrong. Why would she do that? I think your hubby needs to tell his mom to wait until he gets home to talk about all that mess. Tell him to stop opening her letters... I can't believe she is doing that.

Answer 10

I would avoid her like the plaque since that kind of person will suck you in and then mannipulate whatever you say and do it again!!!!! Meanwhile write your husband it isnt true and you regret she did that. ( and if any of it is true, like if you DO talk about her with others, stop it right away since everything you say can be relayed to her)