I told off my grandmother...did I really do something wrong?

Question

For the past 5 years of my life I struggled with my weight, sometimes it got up to 180lbs. When it was that high my grandmother would ask me not to come around that side of the family or go to her church because I was embarrasing her. Over the years she'd call me up anytime she saw a diet pill on tv and she'd beg me to accept money from her for plastic surgery. She'd go on and on about how our whole family is thin, and that I'm ruining our families reputation. Well now I'm pregnant and I'm about 190lbs and my grandma was still going at it a week ago. I got so sick of her hurting my feelings and making me feel bad about myself that I went off on her. I cursed at her telling her what a horrible person she is and that God would be ashamed of how she's treating me and that she wouldn't see her grandchild. She's Baptist and really centered on God so I knew the God bit would upset her. Then I left. Now my family is mad at me saying, "She's just a poor little old lady".

Advice?

She is turning 80, but she's not senile, and she's a person with common sense. She knows what is hurtful and what's not. She just doesn't care. It's bad enough my whole family jokes about my weight. I went horseback riding last year and my grandpa kept laughing saying, "that poor horse. he's got a heavy load today". I'm sick of it.

Here's the kicker.

My grandma and everybody else justifies it by saying, "well its just you were such a skinny and pretty little girl, and when you gained weight it was traumatizing for all of us".

What a load of crap.

Answer 1

she may be a poor little old lady but she just put years off damage in your head she deserved what you said she is supposed to be there for you when people make fun of you not be there making fun of you she is a bad person and tell the other family to shut up because they are just as bad for not saying something to her about what she has been saying to you all these years. you go girl and stand up for your self because noboby els is !!!!!!

Answer 2

Hoo boy! I have to admit that I would have told her off too if I were in your position. She probably meant well and was concerned about your weight for health reasons but, telling you that you were ruining your families reputation and were embarrasing her was way out of line. Being a 'poor little old lady' is no excuse for being that rude and hurting the feelings of her granddaughter.

I'd let things cool down for a little while because, as you said, your family is mad at you right now. Obviously they don't know how it felt being picked for years on by grandma. I imagine you had enough of it and finally decided to let her have it and I can't say I blame you.

After things have cooled down, I see 2 options.
#1 Forget it and move on. Grandma sounds like she will always be insensitive and you can't change her. Avoid her as much as you can.
#2 Get Grandma alone and tell her you apologize for blowing up at her. Then tell her you would appreciate it if she would leave you alone about your weight issues.

Maybe someone else can add more options.

Answer 3

I would have to say both of you were in the wrong. As your grandmother should love you just the way you are. Some people have health problems that can tend to make them on the heavy side (under-active thyroid can do this). Your grandma might be just a poor little old lady but when I was raised in the Baptist Church we were not allowed to belittle anybody for any reason. God loves us all no matter what. So I'm going to tell you to just concentrate on having a healthy baby and follow your doctors advice.

Answer 4

Baloney. She is not a 'poor little old lady'. Some of them use their age to manipulate and do exactly what she did to you which is so wrong. First of all, congratulations for going to have a healthy baby. Weight should not be a concern when you are pregnant ( unlike others on this site who say how can I stop gaining when pregnant and their babies will have neurological deficits) I am sorry you have a grandma like that. I urge you to stay away from her as much as possible and be busy if she calls. As for the rest of your family, have them read 're thinking thin' a new book explaining that weight is not just able to be taken off and if it is taken off it recurs and also discusses the genetic predisposition. Its a lot of research and studies and gets a little boring at times but debunks this myth that people who are heavy are lazy. I wish you a peaceful time now no matter what it takes to get away from those who should be supporting you. Cocoon yourself away from them if necessary and enjoy your precious little angel arriving soon.

Answer 5

You've done well to tolerate it for so long. I appreciate that we should make allowances for our elderly relatives as they are from a different generation and have different ways of doing things but her attitude towards your weight is not acceptable. Its a shame that you were goaded to responding as you did, why didn't anyone else in your family talk to , surely others could see she was being hurtful. I was once in a similar situation, an aunt had also frightened me from day one and was very intimidating. For years she could make me whimper at the slightest comment but when I married she tried at a family do in front of everyone to put me down but my hubby knocked her back he turned it back onto her, he made out he was joking but it was very clear he meant don't go there. He wasn't rude but she was embarrassed. Its never happened again. Now I suppose for you its damage limitation talk to her explain how shes been making you feel, if you can't do it get someone who understands what you have been going through to do it. As far as the rest of the family are concerned tell them its between you and your gran and you'll sort it. If your gran still doesn't acknowledge shes wrong then its her loss. Good luck xx

Answer 6

Send your grandmother a card - and maybe some flowers, too - to apologize for your behavior. In the card, explain calmly how much it hurts to have the people you love make fun of you, no matter how much they say they love you.

Then sit down and talk this out with your grandmother. Chances are, she does want to help you lose the weight, but she doesn't know how to do it in a way that really does help you. Work on getting her on your side; ask for her encouragement and support, and really rely on her during this stressful time.

Once you've established a new relationship with her, the rest of the family should fall in line, and then some of your stress should lessen.

You can do this; go for it!

Answer 7

Girl I feel you I just went through some bull like that but maybe worse with my 78 yr old G'ma yest I went off & I dont feel bad about it you have a right to defend your self tactfully and dont allow any one to be negative or abusive to you
Take yourself out of the Equasion thats what I've done, seems like most of my family is dysfuntional & abusive and negative towards me these days not sure if it's from my Mother bad mouthing me nor do I care my philosphy is this if I don't treat you that way I dont expect to be treated like that either ...back to the ol golden rule....
You dont have to except what they dish out just because the are your family point blank!

Answer 8

Age is not an excuse for nastiness, so tell your family it's none of their business. Being hateful is not excusable at age 4 any more than it is at 80. Your grandmother's words were meant to hurt...I hope you are able to recognize that they were still wrong and don't let them cause you more pain. Eventually you and your grandmother will have to face each other, apologize for your harsh words, and forgive each other...try your best not to deny how important she is to you; if she wasn't the words wouldn't have hurt. Give your baby the best gift you can: wings AND roots.

Answer 9

I do not think your grandmother quit has it together. God would be ashamed of her I am sure. God says man looks at the outward appearance of a person but He looks at the heart. We are not to judge others but yes I am guilty of it like everyone else in this world. Sorry you had to go through that. God also says no one is righteous our rightness is as filly rags, What makes us righteous is only when Jesus shed his blood for us and we accepted Him.

Answer 10

I don't think you did the wrong thing at all-people like your grandmother continue to be hurtful because nobody has ever challenged them before. Nobody has the right to make you feel bad about yourself- and even if you are overweight if you're happy and healthy it's none of their business. It sounds to me like you are a reasonable, nice person- don't let some grumpy holier than thou old woman make you think any different. I wouldn't leave my child unsupervised around a person like that either.