Older Guys: Is it really all about the chase? Serious answers, please, to help through personal crisis.?

Question

So you have "sown your wild oats" and now you are claiming that you want to settle down. What are you looking for? What is it you are seeking in a woman that will make her "the One." While looking for her, are you still going to chase that which you probably do not really want long term? Or are you really going to put your energies toward one relationship and hold fast to developing it?

I need to understand the way you think, please and thank you.

So when a guy says he is looking to settle down, and he supposedly "chooses" a woman, and he draw her in, and you have a wonderful thing going that is rich and full and fun and so much of it is about what is beyond the physical, even though the compatability at the physical is freaking incredible -- what would make you turn away and just decide pfft? -- when she honestly did not do anything differently than she had been doing for 6 months??

I am thinking the problem might have been the age difference and he just did not know how to communicate that to me.

Thanks, Raji.


Thanks to all who answered both this and the other question. I appreciate whatever insight I can glean from your experience.

Between this and my other question, I had the most difficult time choosing a best answer. I received so much valuable information, and I am incredibly grateful for all who responded so openly and honestly. I have split the best answers for these two questions for the two contacts who are in my network. But please, realize that all really helped me through a very difficult day, and I will refer to these answers over the course of my healing time for reassurance and guidance. Thank you all so very, very much. With deepest gratitude, I wish you all Godspeed.

Answer 1

I'm not an 'oats sower' myself. I've never been good at that kind of thing. For me, I only get busy if the conditions are right.

And then when I turn out to be wrong, I have trouble getting away.

I could not know what would describe 'the One', but I would know for sure if I was in her company.

One thing I do know for sure though, is that it's definitely not a looks thing. A lot of people try so very hard to improve their looks, but at the end of the day, there is no need.

'The One' for me would probably be someone who is not afraid to take control, but is trusting of another's judgement. Can be very deeply thoughtful when serious, but extremely bubbly when not. She would have the ability to make me smile, even when I have no intention of smiling.
That's about all I know.

As I said before, looks aren't important to me, but I'm a sucker for a redhead (well, more of a light ginger/caramel, actually).

Edit: I may not be 'older' in my years, but it my view that physical age has no bearing on actual age. Although I may not be much older than a teenager, I have often been accused of thinking like a 40 year old. I hope I can still be counted.

Answer 2

Men are natural hunters. The chase is as good as the kill but once killed we are generally "over it". Having said that most males are really looking for fulfillment in a relationship and, yes, we will have to chase to find the right girl... once found it should be over. The "One" is generally not the first conquest so generally there will be a few "kills" first. Ladies if you have a "personality" are independant, have little historic baggage and are reasonably presentable with good morals, chances are that a hunter will find you and bag you for "keeps"
.
It is not easy for men to find ideal partners. I for one need a particular type of life parter that is not going to be easy to find as my world in not that of the average male. My life is centred on nature, the bush, music, art, animal welfare and conservation.... those are the things that drive me. Bright lights, sport, entertainment, etc I can live whithout. And .. the worst yet, I am not materialistic.

Physical attributes are very important to some guys from the Male Ego side of the equation (how can I be seen in the street with such a Slag/Minger/Fugly etc.). Tragic really when you think that there are really magnificent women out there that may be plain janes but have the heart of a lioness, good mothers, fantastic lovers and a host of very positive characteristics. Blame the press for this as physical beauty appears to be the most important female attribute these days. Skrew personality,intelligence and character.

Just give me a plain Jane with a brain

Answer 3

Shihan, I am a 57 year old Wiccan. I have been run through the mill a few times and have sowed ALL the wild oats that i wish to sow. It's NEVER been the chase for me at all. I never had the stamina for all the games and tricks that people play with one another. I have ALWAYS wanted to find someone with whom I could "click" and have a lifetime relationship with.
I have simply never found that someonewho is willing to accept me for who and what I am. I have a life style that is hard for most women. I live in an extremely rural area, live among nature, have been a practicing Witch for more than 36 years. To find someone that can "fit in" with those things is rare indeed. I'm essentially a home body, younger women just can't stand to hang out arond the home all the time and being in a rural area, to GET excitement oftentimes means travel for several hours just to get to such a place. I have a gorgeously lovely place to live in, marvelous grounds around it and, in order to keep it that way I have to work long hours on it to make it look beautiful. A beautiful home and property doesn't just happen al by itself, it takes a lot of wrok. Most women don't seem to understand that and get upset when the man is outside working on the yard and house all the time. I grow ALL my vegetables and herbs and gardens don't just appear one day, ready for harvest. They have to be weeded and worked on constantly, It's hard for women to understand that too. What THIS litle Green witch needs is a willing partner who is able to understand that and be able to share that love of home with her partner, be right there at his side helping to actually make a home.

I raised my daughter from infancy all by mself, I have PROVEN parenting skills. My daughter is all grown up now, and is successful in her own right. I'm not looking for just a pretty face to set on a pedestal to admire and lust after. I am more than willing to partner up with ANY woman who is able to accept me as I am, A Witch who loves the natural beauty around me, Someone who is fuly capable of loving a woman and is willing to do all the hard work that it truly takes to form and maintain a loving relationship. Looks are irrelevant to me, as we are ALL only a serious accident away from looking gruesomely ugly, yet that won't change what the person really is like on the inside. Whether or not she has children to bring into the relationship is not important as I have proven parenting skills already, and I love kids, anyway.

So there, Shihan, THAT is what many other older men are all about. I hope that MY situation gives you a little insight about older men and how they think and what they seek.

Raji the Green Witch

Answer 4

Men are alot simpler than women give us credit for. We stop chasing as we get older because we don't have the damn stamina to chase and the drama that comes behind it. As we get older we become wiser about ourselves and how women fit into our lives, so you start choosing better partners that are more compatible. I waited till 35 to get married and I do not regret it at all. And yes I sowed some serious wild oats till the drama caught up with me. Dating younger women was the drama and it wasnt until I met a woman my own age that I truly found a mate that will be mine forever

Answer 5

Not all about the chase.I'm too fat to run anymore but the one that I caught is a good one.We trust each other.I don't worry about her cheating on me.Communication,we talk about everything.We don't argue or fight.Life is too short to waste any time doing that.If anybody out there has truly found the right one then don't hurt her.Make her happy,love her.Cherish her.Tell her she is everything to you and mean it! Hold her hand,smile,laugh and sing.Rejoice in the fact that there's at least one person in the world who can tolerate your s... .After that we get to go to Heaven and have a really good time!It takes trust and sincerity.If he tells you he is ready to settle down you must decide if you trust his words.It takes you AND him.It's a team effort.

Answer 6

hmmmm. interesting question. I think it all depends on the guy. I personally don't go around sowing my wild oats. I never understood picking up a girl at a nightclub and going home and 'going for it'.

As for the other part of the question (what makes her the one) : Well she has to have the following qualities.

* I must be able to trust her & talk to her about anything & know she's not going to blab it
* I have to love her
* She has to love me
* She & I have to have the same moral standings / beliefs
* We have to get along
* She must be a woman since I am a man. DUH !


As for, "Will I continue to chase girls who are not long term ?" I already answered that... No. I don't go picking up girls for a quicky.

Hope this answers your question.

Answer 7

ok if you want answer from me and other older guys then you will not understand yourself .. you cannot look for some advantages for easy way out .. then you have to search your own soulmate then will make you happy by dating different guys but not about dick size , money or things that have like house, etc .. anyway but very important for one guy will make you happy than you ever feel before .. so i wish you good luck and happy hunting to find a right guy for you .. it is not easy task for every women and men to find right person then marry .. that is what life is about .. have a good day

Answer 8

now that i have sowen my oaes im looking to find a permanent relationship with theright woman for sure and a good relationship is what im interested in myself

Answer 9

sorry i am still got some wild oats to get rid of before i settle down....would you like some


gl