if youve had a tough, hard life and you feel its turned you into a serious intense person, how do you undo all

Question

the damage that youve suffered in your life, and rediscover that childlike, youthfull carefree mentality?
im 30 years old now have borderline pd have endured alot of pain, trauma and hardship since 15..and im waiting for some kind of therapy. but i just feel permenant damage has been done by other people throughout my life, and ive been changed forever as a person.
some helpline woman said you cant change whats happened and itll be apart of you forever. this got me thinking

Answer 1

For Christ's sake man, STOP LIVING IN THE PAST. It's all gone, all over, done with, no more, finished, ended, etc. etc. Try looking at the future for a change instead of keeping on about the past - it's OBVIOUSLY doing you no good whatsoever keeping on about it all the time, so why don't you step out of your time warp and realise that we're now more than halfway through 2007, not still in the 'eighties or 'nineties when you reckon you had all the bad times.
When you go out "about your business" EXPECT to find people looking at you - THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE DO - they look around them and at other people to see if they know them. Most of them would even offer help if you look in distress and would help anyway if you had an accident or were taken ill unexpectedly. If you overhear them chatting with each other or on their mobiles, EXPECT THAT TO HAPPEN - People DO talk to each other and don't kid yourself that they're talking about YOU - they've all got far better things to worry about than talk about you, so don't draw silly conclusions because you overhear something which in the first place was never meant for your ears anyway. Don't go round expecting the worst from everybody - they've got their own problems, some of them quite big ones, so if they look a bit grumpy when they glance in your direction, they're more than likely in a world of their own and the fact that they're looking in your direction probably doesn't even register with them, let alone cause them to automatically put you into the "Ohmigord, he's a villain" box - so stop being a miserable git. Walk about proudly, take that frown off your forehead and put a bit of a smile on your face - I don't mean go round laughing at people, but just don't look so despondent all the time !
Now go out there, and with all the answers you've had from over a thousand questions (most of them the same but worded differently just so they don't look as though they are the same WHICH THEY ARE usually - most of US could write you life story for you if ever you wanted a bio done!) put the good ones to use and start living your life instead of telling us how bad it's been IN THE PAST. Today starts the future - MAKE IT WORK FOR YOU so that people don't look at your questions and think to themselves "Oh Jeez - it's him again!"

Answer 2

Nobody can change what has happened to them, but it does not mean you have to cave in and write it off. I have had so many horrible things happen to me since childhood that I could easily say, 'oh well, that's why I am such a jerk now'. But if you really want to rediscover the things that make you smile and laugh try going to a public place with a lot of children. Just observe and let yourself enjoy their innocence. I also get a real kick out of cranky old people in public places like the library or grocery store. Challenge yourself to try and make them smile before they leave. Watch movies and television and try to apply situations to your life and see how many things you really do have in common with the characters on the screen. One last thing, although I could go on and on, if you have not seen the movie 'Pay It Forward' I suggest you rent it or check it out at the library and watch it with the most open mind you can. I try to strive for a catalyst in my life: the three corners are Spiritual tranquility, Physical wellness, and Mental stability. Once this goal is achieved by either you or I will truly make life on earth more liveable. Chin up, the world is round, you'll get there.

Answer 3

the helpline lady is right in that you can't turn back the clock. BUT here are some questions to you,

1 can you make, and stick to plan to change your lifestyle now?
2 can you effectively (on your own or through medication) control your behaviour.?-- (not your moods no-one can really do that). but can you keep yourself from blowing up at inopportune times?
3 can you talk to people on a casual basis and make new friends.

these are the only tools you really need to change the way you live as far as I have found. There isnt much in your question about what you want to change but you are young and you have another whole lifetime ahead of you to learn and acheive some goals. Keep them realistic dont aim too low or too high.

my partner suffers from bipolar and borderline pd so I have seen a lot of the effects. You MUST try to find the good in everything as sickening as that may sound. The bad things in life will show themselves without your help.

The good things often need to be dug out of the wreckage. if you dont look for them you may never find them. consider it like mining for gold or diamonds.

You know the drill by now. before you enter a situation that you may be apprehensive about, make sure that you cover the bases.

Be truthfull in all your dealings because its just easier that way. you don't have to waste time thinking "what if they find you out to be a fraud".

Don't put people in a position where you need to trust them either. nobody really wants to be put on the hook for your trust except people who might want to abuse it. keep strangers at arms length until they have proven they are decent but still dont trust them with anything important.

If someone asks for a couple of bucks or something small and you want to do it because you'd like to be friends them, then consider it a gift rather than a loan until its paid. Just say "dont worry about it you'd do the same for me". I have found nothing that gets it back faster or makes better friends. the ones who dont want your friendship generally wont accept your "charity".

In financial dealings always do the math ahead of time.
Educate yourself before entering into new situations and be open about the fact that you know what to expect and therefore deny them the opportunity to cheat you.

Do things by the book and don't accept "special favours" that you will be asked to return in some unknown way later.

Live as much as you can by the "golden rule" (sorry if you arent Christian... I'm not preaching here)

Do to others the kinds of things that
you WOULD LIKE others to do to you.

It really is an extremely satisfying way to deal with other people. It is also fairly non denominational and won't conflict with any religious beleifs except maybe SATANISM.

It doesnt even matter if they reciprocate because it is all about how it makes you feel. Theres just no pleasing some people and you can't let that fact get you down

in short prepare for the worst, and then hope for the best.

Answer 4

You can overcome this on your own. My mother had a terrible life.....foster homes, alcoholic family and she hasn't seen her mother since she was five. We don't even know if she is even still alive. Put your nose to the grindstone and try to put all of this behind you and in your past. Look forward to a future. Take one day at a time that is all that you can do but you can overcome the hurt. Go to the therapy when it starts it will help you alot. I also have a borderline PD and it sucks.....bad but you can overcome. If counseling doesn't work you may want to seek the help of a Psychiatrist for help. Good Luck

Answer 5

I am totally in a situation right now where myself and my husband have become very cold-hearted due to what we have done to eachother. I would only suggest that only YOU can make you happy! I feel depressed sometimes, but I do not rely on anyone other than myself to pick myself up and go because there are good things in our lives...not all is bad. There is always something to look forward to. Find a hobby to do alone for quiet time (i do puzzles) or go to those adult group activities such as dancing, bowling, etc.
I am also 31. I think you will be fine, just keep your head up!

Answer 6

I have Borderline, also. It might feel like you cannot recover; but there is hope. People do recover. There is a type of therapy called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) by Dr. Linehan. You might be able to buy her book. The therapy is listed on the webpage for the National Institute for Mental Health as a solution to Borderline.

Answer 7

Having a tough hard life is nothing new and not unusual so you're not alone. Imagine being on one of those chain gangs and being a slave 2000 years ago when the had no antibiotics for toothaches and such like you see in those sandle epics. Or even today . What famous people have had tough,hard lives and yet been successfull and fullfilled. I've had my heart broken and every time I think about it it takes all my energy but it passes.

Answer 8

this is a very good question...true you can't change the past...but don't allow it to control your future. Counseling and therapy help but it takes a long time. Good people will come into your life and help ease the bad memories. Those bad memories will never fully go away...but they will soften in time and become less intense. Do things that will make you happy. There are millions like you out here....smile at strangers...spread the happiness.

Answer 9

Well, actually you've survived it all haven't you? That says something right there! Yes, our past is important however our future is our choice too. You can look at the past as what not to do, use it as a learning experience, make it something useful instead of something bad.

Everyone has had bad stuff happen and dysfunctional families...it's just part of life. You are not unique with this. Try not to let it become a way of defining you, you define yourself!

Answer 10

I could chronologacly be your grandfather, waded through h**L and sometimes fanned the flames. I am an now a very reclusive old man.I don,t feel so mutch dammaged as I feel I have changed from what I could have ben into something I would not have chozen to be but my life has definately not ben a total loss. Old age has one merrit and that is it always gives prespective.