muslims and muslimahs..i need your help?

Question

i know my problem is really small compared to others' but i dont know what to do...
the problem is my mother...i've been alhamdulelah so good to her....after i've been not for some yars but i'[ve repent to Allah and i've been trying to be a good girl for 3 years now...
the problem is whatever good i do she never sees but the bad thing i do...and she neevr seems to listen to any word i say to her...even my deepest secrets...i'm trying to be friends and share her in everything but she neevr seems to care....
on the contrary,my sister...i won't say anyhting bad about her...
but let's just say she mad her agry zillion times..they fought everyday...but whatever she do..she always concerned with her....

i know it's along q...but i really need any advices....sometimes i got weak and frustrated and have bad thoughts about my mum and why is she doing that to me...
what do i do?

Alpha wolf....that's the problem..my sister is the oldest....

sahar..thanks sister..i think in the same way too...when i get married inshallah...

muhammad ishfaq...thanks brother.....that's am doing and i'll keep on doing inshallah

Answer 1

My mom was the same way. Everything I did was wrong, everything my sister did was ok and she got my mom's love and attention all the time while I was forgotten and ridiculed.

Then last december, my sister went crazy and got mad at my parents, called them horrible names and now will not let my parents see my nephew and will not talk to them except to say mean things. Now my parents regret their treatment of me all those years, but it no longer bothers me so much anymore one way or the other.

Have patience with your mother. She fights a lot with your sister and your sister is taking a lot of her patience. Also, the wrong thing you did in the past is maybe hard for her to forget....whatever it is. Don't try to be friends with her just yet. Show her respect, and just know that your sister is probably taking a lot of your mother's attention. Maybe your sister is doing bad things too and maybe she's the younger of you two. The younger always gets babied and the older one is expected to be more grown up. It's unfair, but it is how mothers are sometimes. Worry for your sister is probably causing your mother to be not as nice as she should be to you. Give her understanding and let her come to you as a friend when she's ready. Until then, just be there to be her daughter. If you don't try to make her a friend, she might want to be yours even more and come to you. Give it time and patience and trust in Allah to make everything work out, because it will.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I feel bad u feel this way. But please do not go to the stage in which u'd think that ur mom loves ur sister more cuz shes the eldest cuz thats not true. Moms love their children all equal no matter what # they are. But I do not understand why is ur mom treating u differently. Maybe she thinks that is the only way she can deal with u and ur personality and ur sister's. Why don't u try to talk to her abt it, but dont be too emotional or harsh on her or she will feel really bad. I'm sure ur mom loves u all the same, it might just u feeling this way being the middle child. I was a middle child too, so sometime i had such thoughts for no reason but just being the middle one who doesnt really matter as much as the oldest and youngest do. I hope things work out better and try harder to get closer to her and see what makes her happy and how u can get to talk to her and open ur heart. Maybe she too has a special way of dealing with. good luck sweety and hope u feel better

Answer 3

i felt like that when i was a teenager , now i just laughed at my ridicules thoughts toward my mother that she loves my sister more than me :)

believe me, mothers loves their children EQUALLY .
i have been the good sister ;p mom didn't give the attention to me but inside her she believed she succeed in rising me actually she was proud too . that's why she noticed only my mistakes just for making me a semi perfect girl, in the other hand my sister(youngest) which rarely do something good to mom she doesn't stop telling us about that thing she did ,just to encourage her .

it takes me a long time to be a very close friend to her , just try to find a common subject ,hobbies ,food ;p . keep saying : you are the best mother in the world , you look beautiful today ...etc .
if its very serious problem try to sit with her and explain to her nicely that she hurts you and make u sad when she doesn't care about the good u do .

may Allah help you , and good luck :)

Answer 4

When I wasn't married, I used to think same way.
Now I am married and have children, I know my parent were not wrong.
They know very well who need what and who has what capabilities. Very few occasions they may take a little wrong decisions but that will go error, can not be counted as deliberation.
Believe me Sister you will realize soon after your own mariage and having kids.

In general parrent never love differently, yes but according to their wisdom and requirement foreach child, care differently.

Specially mother, at this stage you can not even imagin love of MOTHER.

Relax and love your Mom, she is the best of Moms, Believe me.

Answer 5

Assalam alaykom warahmat Allah,

There are some points I like to settle, sister;
Firstly, Mother to woman must be her NUMBER 1 PRIORITY till she's married, meaning that unless she tells you to do something Haram (forbidden in Islam), then you have to obey her and in general you must not get her angry, so avoid any thing that might get her angry with you 'cause simply there's nothing that is worth making your mother angry with you. Actually disobedience of parents is one of the greatest sins a Muslim can ever commit.

Secondly, I'm sorry to say so but I'm trying to find the real cause of such a bad treatment, may be your history of bad treatment to your mama, so compensate her by doing whatever she likes and avoiding whatever she dislikes, try also bringing her a present that she likes.

Third, try to overlook the difference in your mama's treatment to your sister than hers to you, this will keep you feel like you do now, which is unhealthy feeling.

Fourth, pray to Allah to make your mama be satisfied with you.

Last, yet not least important, let your intention in doing all this is to satisfy Allah by following His guidelines of satisfying mother.

May Allah be satisfied with you and all Muslims too, Amen.

Answer 6

When you deal with your mother, keep in mind that you will always be good to her regardless what her response might be, only do this for the sake of Allah. Allah has ordered us "و بالوالدين احسانا" and he will reward us for that. I had the same problem with a brother of mine and my mother kept siding to him until recently she became neutral as I kept being good and sometimes very good to her. Trade with Allah and you will make lots of prophets inshaa-Allah

Answer 7

Mothers play a political role in our personal lives. Mothers cannot loves their all children equally.
My suggestion is forget that you can ever convince your mother, by any mean.
Better not to waste your time and energy. The situation will never change in your favour.
Just be normal with your mother, not too good, nor bad, by living within the limits of respect of her.

Answer 8

hi
i think it is not a small problem,because my mother is the most important and worthful thing that god presents me , and her attention is very important to me.
i am sure ur mother love u alot , u r a good daughter, surely her behaviour has a reason, maybe u r so sensitive and delicate and she is normal, think abaut it more.
i think ask someone (like ur father) talk with ur mother , may be u r wrong!
u need to judge.
i pray to u
do not forget :
the unique founds of prossperity is kindness

Answer 9

Al salamo alaykom wa rahmato Allah wa barakato

i'm feeling sad for you sister, and i love your confession which means to me that you are a person who can judge herself and others rightly.

i won't repeat what my siblings above said, for it's great and nothing more can be added.
but when come to see and judge the relation within the family itself...........i can see that there are no strong ties between you all...............meaning , where is the role of your sister and your dad as well in changing this static relation between you and mom??, where are you as a family from staying together, discussing your problems and trying to solve them ?? .

all these family aspects and more, seems to be lacking in your family...........you lack communication sweetie, and this is the big problem you are facing!!
this static life lead to lack of communication........and therefore no desire to change.
try to be friend with your sister, trust me, she'll play a big role in changing this relation to the better. tell her that you are sad and feeling lonely with you mom's indifference towards you.....tell her that you need her help and to be friends, so that you both can change your mom's attitude towards you.
tell your sister that i wanna be your "true friend" !!
trust me, the key to your mom is your sister.
try to be a family again, but practically and with its true meaning.
be patient in your relation with your mom till you fix first your relation with your sister................i think this will have a great effect on both of them.

wish you happy and blessed life.................Ameen ya rab al alameen.

Answer 10

tc of her on special occaisons go the gandhiji way to help urself even if she shouts on u try control your anger even if its not ur mistak help her with her chores if u have a little time do ask her how she is maybe somethings trobling her n shes takin out on u n do pray to GOD he has somthin gud stored for u tc u2