what does it mean to truly forgive someone?

Question

Im really bad at letting go of things, like little comments people make, etc.
In the Bible it says forgive and forget
How do u forgive and how do u go about doing it?
when all u want to do is wring someones neck.

Answer 1

It depends on the severity of the transgression. If someone says a thing you find insulting or offensive you consider that that their opinion is only of value if you respect them in some way. If you have no respect for them then whatever they say is meaningless. It's simple to forgive them then because they really don't matter. You don't have to like them to forgive them. If you don't respect them then you have no reason to need them to respect you. If they don't matter their respect for you doesn't matter either. They are basically a non-entity. They may exist but who cares? On the other hand if their offense can't be ignored like an assault of some kind then you make certain they can no longer threaten you. When they can't then again they don't matter. Forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. you forgive because their not worth the time or effort to bother with.

Answer 2

Good question! I'm going to modify an answer I gave recently about forgiveness:

In the bible it does say forgive, but I'm pretty certain it doesn't say you always need to forget. You can forgive even if you still remember (not a good idea to dwell on it though.)

I remember my pastor from uni talking about forgiveness. He said that forgiving and trusting again are 2 different things. We're commanded to forgive - that's a decision we have to make when we remember what's happened, and can be done instantly (It doesn't mean we won't still feel hurt, although it's the route to healing.)

Trusting again is different - when trust has been broken it takes time to rebuild trust; and it's a 2-way thing - I guess ideally, you forgive someone, and you give them the opportunity to change. As they prove themselves trustworthy, you can trust them more. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work like that though - if the other person doesn't make an effort to change, you may have to draw back, or stop the friendship.

Good communication helps.

I think I personally find it moderately easy to forgive - it gets easier as you practise it. However, I've not been hurt badly for a while. I probably need to work on trusting more though.

X

Answer 3

Forgiving someone is wiping the slate clean, but alot of people are quick to say I forgive you and they really don't. If your mistake was infidelity, be prepared to hear about it for a long time. To give a man's "goodies" away, will almost always make a relationship unsalvagable, because either he can't forget and forgive to the point he doesn't want you, or he brings it up and makes you feel low so much you decide to leave. You and your husband have to find effective ways to communicate or you will always have bad arguments instead of disagreements. I would suggest prayer if you are a spiritual person (prayer works wonders), if not, a counselor of some sort will probably be able to assist you. Or just talk to your husband, let him know that when he brings up the past its hard for you to proceed in the present and its a set back. Talk to him about this when you are both calm, maybe laying in the bed and don't yell or bicker, just talk to him calmly, maybe he can understand better in that setting then in the middle of a heated argument.

Answer 4

I know what you mean, I hold grudges as well, I just get so offende by the smallest things and I cant forget them, Only time will help me to forget them. I wish that I could forgive but it is not aht easy. I guess someone can always say that they are sorry and you can say I accept your apology but does that really mean anything? I guess the only way to really forgive someone is to know that they need that forgiveness to help them move on, and by you really letting them know that you forgive them then you are making that persons life easier and that should be enough of a reward for you. I do understand how you feel though, it is not easy. Hang in there.

Answer 5

I feel 2 wrongs don't make a right. People treat people very badly at times but why become like them and why stoop to their level. I find it to be true that people become more apologetic when the other person doesn't take it personally. After things go wrong it is a good idea to just back off, let things settle and wait for the person to come to you. Some people just need time to realize how much they are wrong and they shouldn't of hurt you. Be the better person, step up to the plate and set the positive example the person should of practiced in the first place. Why give the power to them by being negative and saying things that are regretful. Be the better person and just let it go.

Answer 6

this is something I do know about! I have had a big thing to forgive recently and was unable to even the person's name out loud let alone forgive them. Then my church ran a 'freedom in christ' course, and we had a whole day devoted to letting go and moving on. I was able to forgive that day, although I didn't feel like I had at first, over time the hate I felt had gone.
It helps to remember that forgiveness is more helpful to the forgiver than the one on the receiving end. It's the bitterness we allow to build up that harms us, not them.
I strongly recommend that you read the books that go with the course, you can find them online, they are by Neil T. Anderson, and called,' victory over darkness,' and ' the bondage breaker.'
The words you need are that you CHOOSE to forgive, say it out loud. It's good to express how the offence made you feel, and to reclaim any ground that the enemy may have made in your life through your inability to forgive.

Answer 7

forgiving is good and it lets you move forward but if you are just moving forward into the same behaviors over and over thats no good.

that's why forgetting is such a bad idea.

We all forgive Germans for their reluctant part in Hitlers plan but we can never forget the lessons we learned or it will definitely happen again.

forgive, yes, but remind the person that as long as the behaviour stops you are willing to be friends (or at least not wring their neck). But be clear that you won't tolerate the behavior in future.

Answer 8

I don't think it actually says to "forget" in the Bible, and if it does, I'd like to contradict that advice. Look, to need to forgive someone means that some measure of trust has been broken between the two of you, that they went too far past your boundaries. Forgiving means you have decided that despite NOT being able to forget what they have done, you are going to try and see them in the same light you did prior to their breaking your trust. It is important because it really is a learning and growing experience, as you have to learn to consciously put your trust back into someone who has lost it.

Best of luck to you. I know how you feel (at least I think I do).

Answer 9

We never forget anything. There is nothing in the bible about forgive and forget, that is a myth someone made up a long time ago and just won't go away. You must learn how to perform a log-mote removal procedure. I know, the bible does not tell us how this is done. that is what The Holy Spirit inside you is for. Ask Her.

Answer 10

Does it say that? To forgive and "forget"? Listen, If one sins, God spanks them (metaphorically). If one sins and asks forgiveness, God forgives them, but, the spanking isn't eliminated! Look at King David. He sinned big time! God was going to kill him, his child and his line was going to be forgotten. David asked for forgiveness, big time! God forgave him and lessened the punishment, but, there was still "punishment" he lost his child! We all have a hard time forgiving others because of two reasons. 1) they don't ask for forgiveness, or 2) they are expecting to get off without punishment. God sends the sin as far as the east from the west, NOT THE PUNISHMENT though! It may not be "your" fault that you can't forgive. It may be the person that sinned against you, just has skipped the small detail of asking for forgiveness, or is hoping that you will forgive and "forget". That's not biblical!