I am basically planning the whole thing myself its in december and im cracking up, i cant sleep, money is worrying me also who will turn up etc any tips on how to chill a bit?
2007-08-03 22:19:30 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Ok,,it's not a wedding without stress,BUT,if you plan out everything,and check it off,you will stress less...When my daughter went to Dillards to register,they gave her a really handy book,that tells you EVERYTHING,you could think of to prepare,Even had a checklist..it was GREAT! It became out wedding planner.things I forgot. Best thing is to delegate some of the things out to your bridesmaid,maid of honor,specific task to do and complete so you can check it off. IF YOU NEED ANY HELP or have any questions feel free to contact me..I have done dozens of weddings! family and friends by myself..flowers,tables,halls,decorations,ettiquette,etc...good luck!
2007-08-04 02:29:14 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not be this stressed. You are convinced you are marrying the right guy, right? You want to spend your life with him? All thats really important is that you end up married correct?
Now go through whats the worst that can happen. Ok and then what. If that happens, what does that result in? Now if at the end you don't end up regreting you married him or the world collapsing, then it's not the end of the world.
Last, accept that things will not go perfectly. Something will go wrong. So take some deep breaths. Pamper yourself a bit--go get a massage. Check the planning lists and make sure you are on schedule and have gotten everything done that needs to be done by this time (you've booked reception hall, caterer, photographer) and don't stress about things you have no way of knowing (who will RSVP for invites you haven't even mailed yet, or if you'll have rain) b/c you have NO CONTROL over that.
The ultimate goal here is to start a life with the man you love--and no disaster wedding will change that. And to have hundreds of pictures to look back on of the happiest day--which those pictures won't look good if you are so sleep deprived and stressed to the breaking point. At the end, this reception you stress about is only a couple hours of your life. Less time than you spent car shopping, less time than the labor of childbirth, a little more time than it takes to see a movie in the theater.
2007-08-04 05:35:16 · answer #2 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Every bride has felt the way you are feeling right now. YOU can ONLY control the things you have control over. You have your plans made and you just have to let things go and trust the outcome.
Make a note to follow-up on any guests who have not responded to your invitation. This should be done BEFORE you have to give the number of people to the reception hall. Set a date to do this and don't worry about it until you have to do it.
Make a note to follow-up with the church, flowers, photographer, etc. confirming your wedding date. Again, set a date to do this and don't worry about it again until you have to call them all.
The most important part of this entire day is YOU and YOUR future husband standing in front of the person marrying you. This is all that truly matters.
2007-08-04 08:53:45 · answer #3 · answered by Patty G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Planning a wedding is always stressful. You're plunking down large sums of money to everyone in town, trying to meet a major deadline, trying to get all the details perfect, and trying to please everyone while you're at it. Here are a few tips that should help you get through the next several months with your wits in tact:
1) Make "you" a priority. I don't mean becoming a Bridezilla. I do mean make sure you get plenty of rest and take a bubble bath with candles now and then. Getting rest and relaxing once in a while helps you to decompress. This is essential to thinking straight and keeping your cool when details start to spin out of control.
2) Set a budget and stick to it. One of the biggest sources of stress that brides experience is when finances get out of control. You want to invite everyone, you want every detail to be perfect, you want the best of the best, and you want fillet mignon AND lobster. The greatest thing you can do for yourself is to decide now what you can *afford* not what will put you into debt for the next 15 years. Remember, the wedding is just one day. The marriage should last a lifetime. You don't want to start out "forever" with major debt hanging over your head. Decide what is the best you can get within your means. What are "must haves" and what are "negotiables"? Shop around. Ask a trusted friend to help you. Don't worry about putting on a big show. Your wedding day is sacred. It can be simple and elegant, and it doesn't have to break your bank.
3) You and your groom decide what and who you want in your wedding. This is YOUR day. Not everyone else's who think they may have the perfect idea for your wedding. Set boundaries and stick to them. Be gentle but firm with your families. If anyone starts usurping your planning authority, just tell them that planning your wedding details is all part of the dream that you've had and you'd appreciate it if they'd step back and allow you to do your job.
4) Don't be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes it's completely necessary. But be careful about spreading duties around to too many people. Make sure that when you delegate, you ask politely and give clear instructions as to what your expectations are. If they can't achieve your vision, then thank them anyway and move on to the next person.
5) Remember to have some fun! Now and then, you'll need to take a break from all the planning. Get together with your girlfriends and go dancing or just have a dinner out together. This will help you recharge and get reinvigorated for the rest of the planning.
6) Be flexible! Things can and do go awry. Don't be married to *all* of your wedding ideas; at times you'll have to compromise because what you want is something you can't afford or can't find. That's ok. Your wedding will still be lovely and meaningful. Nobody expects a Hollywood production... they just want to see you happily married. : )
These are just a few simple tips to help you out. They set boundaries and create an outline for the details of your special day. If you do these things, everything else should fall into line. I wish you all the best in your married life! Have fun during the planning...and CONGRATULATIONS!!
2007-08-04 05:45:46 · answer #4 · answered by Jen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep, went through the same thing! I was 18 and planning a wedding while going through Finals. Lack of parental support meant that I had to deal with a lot of these things on my own. :-( But you know what? I'll tell you what I tell everyone before they get married. Something is going to go wrong. Nothing major, but something minor will go as unplanned. Just remember that those guests you invited are invited for one reason--they love you and you love them. So if something goes wrong, they'll tend to think it's cute or memorable...and won't think it's the worst wedding in the world because of their love for you!
It's all about planning. I know it's keeping you up nights, but just write things down as much as possible. If you're up nights thinking about what you have to do in the next few days, keep a writing tablet and pen by your bed so that as soon as you think of something, write it down. Once it's out of your head and onto paper, sometimes that helps you relax a little bit.
Specifically set aside a certain amount of time during the day (be it 10 minutes or 30) to NOT THINK about the wedding. Any bit of time will help. And try to keep up with your exercise as this will help work off nervous energy.
Congratulations!!!
2007-08-04 05:26:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's very normal what your going through. I planned my wedding myself too, with a high pressure job working late nights in 4 months!! I was really losing it .I'm sorry if this is lengthy but I really sympathize I went through a similar experience. Here's some advice...
DELEGATE, let go and pass some things to other people. Think of yourself as an art director/event planner. You don't physically do everything to get the job done you find your resources. For example, I didn't care so much about the cake so I trusted my closest friend to do the cake tasting, etc. The limos, somebody else can plan this for you. You have to find reliable friends and family to help out.
YOUR FIANCE Most important, we were very stressed from the entire process, it took us a good year after the wedding to recover. Mostly because when people get married family members have a hard time letting go. Our first year was the hardest, but now things are settled and it's much easier. My husband is not into any wedding type things so I gave him jobs that he could relate to. Organizing the entire honeymoon (It was a surprise), writing the checks out, getting his suit (I helped with his tie and shirt) the Limos, making a final decision on the reception (I picked two places and I told him whichever is fine). Writing our ceremony. My husband is not going to stuff envelopes because it's not his personality to be touchy feel. So don't cause arguments over things that are silly, find a friend or relative that may be more helpful.
JUGGLING If somebody (your mother in law) makes an outrageous request and you agree, then deal with it. But remember the more you agree the more balls are going to be thrown at you to juggle. Don't agree unless your absolutely certain it won't bother you. Example, my MIL wanted other girls to be my bridesmaids and I thought it wouldn't be a big deal, but one thing leads to another. More Limos, more flowers, more dresses, more gifts, more of a headache. Don't get upset, just politely stand your ground, my MIL is very manipulative which I didn't find out till much later. Give her a job to do, my MIL is extremely organized she crosses her T's so I had all the invites mailed to her and she did the head count. Find what your MIL does well. Maybe she sews well and can make custom things for you. My mother maid my ring bearer pillows with her mother's hand lace. She can also make your money envelope bag. Keep her occupied and made to feel special. You don't want her to take control, be smart.
STAND YOUR GROUND Don't get too many people involved (example your mother in law), trust me if you work and have to plan a wedding your going to have many suggestions and your only going to get stressed. Make a decision and go with it and don't look back. have your husband deal with his side and you deal with your side. Ask yourself what's the worst thing that can happen and make a mental idea of how you would handle it. I also had a stressful job so I had needed to take time off before the wedding so I didn't go crazy. You may need to take time off too.
FAVORS nothing with manual labor (too much stress), maybe buy something and that would be the end of it. someone on craigslist.
CEREMONY material, not every single person needs a
ceremony booklet, so one per family/couple is fine. Guys are not interested in these things.
THE OUT OF TOWNERS Also, if people are coming out of town let them deal with the hotels. Find someone to help out and deal with this nonsense. Some people need their hands held for everything. I had people asking the silliest questions, like if we want to check in early we have to pay extra. Can you call the hotel and get a better rate? No, I don't own the hotel, and again these were the same people that complained about other things. Just ignore them, if it was too expensive then why are they coming? This was my husband's side of course.
Martha Stewart's wedding planner helped me, remember you don't have to do everything. This is a big industry. Martha has lots of advertisers and their marketing people try to find ways to have brides spend money, because they get more advertisers. There's not enough time to plan everything. I didn't have my rehearsal dinner, I didn't buy a glamorous wedding band because there was no time, We didn't have a website. I didn't have a bachelorette party (I also didn't want one, (I've been to 4 and never liked them) We didn't plan my honeymoon until a month later. We didn't find a new place to live until after the wedding. It doesn't matter, because all of this is one day and you have the rest of your life together. (hopefully:) but after everything it will be such a happy day. I still get teary eyed, and everybody loved our wedding. Good Luck
2007-08-04 08:07:00 · answer #6 · answered by Lyla 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I haven't really started planing anything for my fiance and I, but for my priviouse wedding I didn't stress at all, of course maybe that was a bad thing... lol have friends, family and your soon to be hubby help out, its understandable to be worried and stressed, you want it to be just right, just try and remember, its just a day, an important day, but still just a day, and really, just an elaborate party, the way you and your guy feel about each other is all that matters, and I'm sure everything will be perfect
2007-08-04 05:30:44 · answer #7 · answered by nupeper 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I FEEL YOUR PAIN.
I have thought of little else for the last year. It is all anyone at my office asks me about. I am tired of talking about it. I am tired of thinking about it. I just want it to be over.
Not that I am not looking forward to seeing it come together. I am just warning everyone I talk to, to elope. It gets out of control no matter what you do.
So let's see here....money is a big issue, for sure. It is already August so there is not much time. I did not save like I planned to (I intended to use our bonus checks from the spring on the wedding, but paid on my ring and other bills and that money is gone). You can attempt a few things like getting a personal loan or better yet, some kind of credit card that has low/zero percent balance transfers or low/zero starting APR%. This is what I have done, to be blatantly honest.
A lot of people are like don't have a wedding that you will be paying for the rest of your lives...well don't go overboard, but don't head for the justice of the peace on your lunch hour either.
Hopefully there are family members that would like to contribute to some part of the wedding, or maybe you know people (or people that know someone) that bakes cakes, or DJ's on the side, etc.
Focus on one thing at a time. I assume at this point you've already booked ceremony/reception venues, gotten your dress, etc. Those are biggies. Get those save the date/invitations out (invites 6 to 8 weeks prior to wedding date, probably more in your case since it will be holiday time). Book the cake baker, florist, photographer and musician/band/DJ. We have a great wedding magazine that is for our city, and bridal shows, etc. The internet is invaluable, how did anybody ever plan a wedding before the internet?!?!?
You have to treat it like a work/school project...write stuff down, keep track of deposits you pay to vendors, put guests and their addresses on spreadsheets.
Also I would recommend hiring a wedding planner. I know this sounds extravagant, but depending where you live, it can be worth a little money to save your sanity. And most of them will have options/packages: they'll do everything for you (pricey), they'll do a lot with you (moderately pricey as they attend meetings with you, help you with the planning), or just run your rehearsal and wedding day for you. A sound investment no matter what!!!!
And you are going to have to take a lot of deep breaths. Family will drive you nuts. Things will go wrong during planning, and things will go wrong at the wedding. They will likely be small. I did hear from a coworker that something caught on fire at her wedding. I think maybe a sparkler caught a shrub on fire or something? She said everybody remembers that and laughs about it now. That was memorable!
It will be really hard, but it will be here and over before you know it. Try to keep yourself sane, organized, and not doing things at the last minute. Ask your friends, family members on both sides, attendants...etc...if they would be willing to help you with something, and give them a small task. I had the mother in law to be research and book the hotel for out of town guests, b/c it was something I really didn't want to micromanage (I won't say I don't care about it, but there were lots of more important details to worry about).
I had the can't sleep problem too. As you get things accomplished (check them off on a list if you like), you may feel better.
Oh, and the guy you are marrying? He could help out a little too. ;P
2007-08-04 05:54:10 · answer #8 · answered by Sistinas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are this stressed, and worried about money . . . then it is time to simplify.
Pick one or two things that are important to you and concentrate on those. The groom can pick one or two things that are important to him (Music? Tuxes? Cake?), and he can concentrate on that.
Don't worry about little things. For example, favors are optional. Skip them. One less expense, one less thing to worry about.
Bridesmaids' dresses? Remember that bridesmaids' dresses do not have to be identical. Pick a color. Let each bridesmaid find a dress in your chosen color that flatters her and fits her budget. (You can check out photos of this at theknot.com.) There . . . you just eliminated a lot of shopping and worry about alterations. Let each bridesmaid worry about her own attire. You can tie it all together with your choice of flowers . . . and maybe pashminas.
Don't worry about who will turn up and who won't. You cannot control that. Just remember that the people who love you most will be there. Be happy with that.
Make time for yourself to get away from planning . . . try a massage or a pedicure or something relaxing just for you. Good luck to you.
2007-08-04 08:18:41 · answer #9 · answered by Suz123 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the elope comment, go to a health store tho and get some Bach remedy's and some good soap and take a long bath.
2007-08-04 05:27:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋