A wedding today, what do you think?

Question

Well I took 2 days off to go to my fiancees brothers wedding and I'm absolutely miserable. He is in the bridal party which means he has to be there at five to take pictures at 5 and thats fine...then the wedding is at 6 and the reception at 7:30. The funny or not so funny part, actually its pretty miserable is that he "has" to sit at the bridal party table. Which he seems to think he has no other choice, and I'm and left to myself. I won't know anyone except his parents and their table will be full, so I have no one. I'm supposed to be his date but I won't even see him for nearly four hours. I've told him I don't want to go, I don't even like the bride. What do you think of the situation? I really rather work than go to this wedding.

Note: I love his family very much, they are wonderful. His family will consist of 5 people and the other 65 of various distant relatives of the bride...who is wicked rude. Just to note to the *marrying in comment*

Should also note: the parents don't like her either. :P

Answer 1

This is why I was against a head table for our wedding. We weren't having a big wedding party, for one thing. For another, at a wedding I attended this summer, the matron of honor had to keep leaving the head table to come to the table where her husband and kids sat (where myself and my friend were as well - the baby threw up on the carpet, and the older one refused to eat his kiddie meal b/c the chicken was not "nugget shaped" - LOL!). It seemed kind of silly.

It is another one of those traditional yet kind of antiquated things. I suppose it looks nice if you have tons of attendants, but I can't see how this exact problem of yours is not an issue a lot of the time for people. Who wants to attend a wedding as the guest of someone in the wedding party and be separated from them all night?

In my case, with my best friend (single but in a relationship) as my maid of honor, and his dad as his best man...what was the purpose of the head table? That meant my friend's bf and my fiance's mom would sit out in the crowd alone? It made absolutely no sense. Then my mother in law to be started saying, well at MY wedding my grandfather sat at a place of honor at the head table. I heard this story more than once. I got the hint. She wanted HER daddy sitting at the head table. So then it would be 5 of us. Still made no sense.

So then when I held a family meeting of all the parents to discuss the wedding plans (since I made us split the budget three ways), everyone liked this idea of a "family" table. That quickly got out of hand b/c where do you draw the line? So I just nod my head and pretend to be agreeable, and then tell the event center folks what *I* want: a "sweetheart" table just for the two of us. We'll be up mingling most of the time anyway, and everybody else gets to sit together.

Like you said, you won't see him for hours... that time between ceremony and reception can be ENDLESS....and I've been so bored, even when I am with people I know. At the last wedding we attended, my fiance didn't know anybody else at the wedding except the groom b/c they work together. We'd driven two or three hours and crossed a state border to get there. It was appetizers only in the afternoon, no meal. There were these wooden heart shapes scattered on the tables as decoration...we ended up doing crafts and making things out of the ribbons and hearts! LOL! I have a cute bracelet as memory of the day.

Soooooooooooo anyway back to your problem! Being in some wedding parties is like a military operation for the day. If he is going to be busy and you'll get left on your own for the majority of the night, I think you should stay home and enjoy a couple of days off from work.

The only problem is...this is your fiance's brother. You may not like the bride (fair enough!) .. but you'll be staring at these people at holidays for years to come. I assume it is expected that you are there....but they really need to seat you with people you know.......

The other wedding I attended this summer, come to think of it, that is who was sitting next to me: the groom's brother's fiance. And the brother's kid that was not her kid. We were nobody guests, practically place fillers. Ouch for that gal. We tried to talk to her, but she was the type who only answered questions you asked and didn't really engage you in conversation or ask you anything. Eventually I got tired of that and turned my attention elsewhere.

You may have to attend, be bored out of your skull, but pick up some pointers on what to do or not do at your own wedding. And hopefully you can get your man's attention after some of the festivities have died down.

Good luck................!

Answer 2

Wow that's messed up. But if you already took off from work for it, why not just go & make the best of it? Weddings are fun & usually everyone is in a good mood & very friendly so I'm sure you'll meet someone to chat with over dinner. The truth is you'll only be alone during the meal and after that your fiancee can come sit with you, dance with you etc. This is a family that you'll soon be marrying into so you really should go; Otherwise his parents will never forget it. It will give you a good opportunity to meet his extended family & see who might or might not be invited or attending your wedding when the time comes. Plus if you don't like the bride, it will show you are the bigger person for showing up.

Answer 3

I realize this situation sucks but here are a couple of questions
1) is this fiance the man you plan to spend the rest of your life with?
2) are you trying to be dramatic or a troublemaker?

If this man is your husband til death do you part, then like the bride or not, she is soon to be your sister-in-law for the rest of your life (or their marriage).

When its your wedding you can do seating however you want, but this one is hers and she wants a head table. Do you hate your SIL so much that you can't even give her a couple hours of your time? If so, thanksgivings and christmases will be rough for the next 50 years. Is this the first time in your life you've ever had to mingle? I imagine some members of his family will be there that you aren't that close to--that will also be attending your wedding. Consider making nice with them. You could go to the pictures and watch him posing for pictures so that you won't suffer 4 hours of not seeing him, though I can scarcely imagine that you are so controlling that you've never gone 4 hours before. Don't you two work?

So you hang out in the hotel room for a couple hours, get dressed, sit through a 30 minute ceremony, and get to a reception and dance with your man there. If it's a sit down meal you can't sit near him for 30 min but if it's not, you are dancing and mingling most of the time anyway.

You are making this into some huge deal when it isn't. So what if you don't like this SIL? You have got to learn to make peace now or you are going to cause so much problems later on that your In-Laws will have to chose which son they like better--b/c both of them have wives that can't eat dinner together. Do you want to put them into that situation?

As adults we are suppose to be able to handle ourselves. If you can't, then don't go. But don't let your jealousy show, it looks bad. And don't try to make your In-Laws chose a "favorite", it won't make you happy. One evening apart will not hurt your relationship. And its hardly apart--you'll be at the same function, seeing each other, dancing with each other. Please if this is the worst you ever have to deal with, many people would love to trade places with you.

Answer 4

Well you have already taken the time off so the only solution I see is that you get very very drunk! When you are tipsy you will have the confidence to chat with random strangers, and when you are really drunk the time will fly by. You might pay for it the next day though!

Answer 5

This is a common problem. If you don't want to go, just tell everyone that your "grandma got sick.. fell and broke her hip".

If that is a bit too dramatic.. then just go to the reception, eat the free food.. then tell your fiance that the food made you REALLY sick. Make a trip to the bathroom, then leave. Call your fiance and tell him you feel to miserable to stay there.

Answer 6

When you said there was a big ho down at the trailer park, I didn't believe you till I saw the pic. That's the biggest ho I'VE ever seen.

Answer 7

Thats a horrible situation. Think of any excuse so you don't have to go. If I were in the same position I wouldn't be there...my bf would totally understand.

Answer 8

Guess what.. your not the only one.. its pretty common and don't worry you will see him for everything except for the wedding the pictures and dinner :)

Answer 9

well, if you really dont like to go to the wedding, then do not go there.. dont let yourself do what you dont want to do.. or what other people wants you to do..

Answer 10

YOU CAN EAT .AS MUCH AS YOU CAN....