When should I give up on waiting for my boyfriend to propose to me?

Question

We've been together for almost 6 1/2 years (living together almost 4) I'm 26, he's 28, he talks about marriage, ideas for a wedding, even kids, and yet still no ring. Even friend and family are getting impatient w/ him. We are now at the process of trying to buy a house, but I still have this nagging thought to wait till I at least get a ring (a solid commitment). He has gotten to the point where he says things that lead me to believe he is "working" on it, but I know his financials, the way he spends $, I see no saving. With the idea of buying a house (which we both really want to stop wasting $ renting) my nerves are a mess going through with that, thinking I may never get a ring if we get into the house first. It is to the point where I am getting myself very depressed, feeling like this aspect of my life is on hold, till he can figure it out.

Answer 1

Okay, don't panic.

My situation is/was very similar to yours. By the time we get married we will have been togther 7 years. We too wanted to stop wasting money on rent and bought a house together 3 years ago. Buying a house is a commitment, so long as you are both contributing money to the downpayment and have both names on the deed. There's no rule that says only married couples buy houses together.

As far as the whole friends and family getting impatient thing....it may be unusual to be together for that long and not engaged or married ..... but it is really none of their business. It is between you and him.

But are you telling me you're just waiting around to be proposed to? I suppose it is a romantic notion to be totally surprised, but why would you leave that kind of big step to the guy to decide on? Does he even understand that you and apparently everyone else that knows you guys is tapping their toes and looking at their watches and calendars in impatience? Have you talked to him about this? Because if not, it is not his fault that he is oblivious to all this. That is how guys can be.

You say he's talked about marriage and ideas for a wedding, but doesn't sound like to me that you ever said "So, honey, obviously we are getting married some day, do you want to talk about setting a date?" Go together and pick your ring. This is 2007, not 1907, you can do this stuff this way, tradition is great but things have changed. I think these decisions can and should be made by both of you, not just one of you.

We spent much of our relationship (as we moved in together, then bought the house) not planning on marriage. When I changed my mind, I had to tell him, otherwise he'd have never have known that I changed my mind.

Once you directly confront him, you may find out that he is working on it, and ruin the surprise. But if it upsets you this much, you gotta deal direct with the issue. Communication is going to be key to a long marriage.

Answer 2

You should NOT be getting a house with a man if you don't even know if he'll marry you! That is too big of a commitment at this point! And at 6 1/2 years, that is ridiculous! If you've been together THAT long, and have spent most of that time living together, he should know by now if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you or not. If he doesn't, then there is a serious problem. I would say move on, because he just doesn't seem that serious about your relationship, and at the very least, don't buy a house with him! And if he is trying to buy a house and cannot save up money, he doesn't sound very financially stable, and maybe why he is staying with you is because he wants a house but he can't afford one on his own, and since ya'll have lived together for so long, maybe he is looking at you as more of a roommate that he knows he will be comfortable with, get sex from, and that will pay half of the bills. I'm not saying that is the case, but it's something to maybe think about.

Answer 3

hi my name is amy also and im going through the same problem as you. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and still no ring. He wants to buy a house but i dont plan on buying it until he marries me and he knows. I wanted to get married July 7 2007 and he knew that but he didn't take me seriously. The day came and it went by like nothing. a few days later i told him that i didn't want to be with him any more and i was going to live him. I told him that if he wont marry me i dont want to waist my time with him anymore. He sayd he was really sorry and i decided to give him more time. I think that now he thinks differently about marriage. You need to have a talk with him regarding the situation. I hope that everything goes well with you and him. Good luck and keep us updated. I hope that he proposes soon. I wish you the best.

Answer 4

Six and a half years is a long time to wait, I know its hard having to wait that long you start to wonder if they really love you and think if they did than they would happily take the next step, I was with my ex for six years and over that time I became to resent him more and more beacuse I really wanted to start a family and get married & really settle down.. I parted with him after 6 years on Christmas Day 2006, little did I know that he was going to propose 3 days later, Sometimes if they make you wait that long when they do ask its just to late, I gave up about a year before parting with him I told myself and him that if by this time next year If I'm not engaged than I will walk away and thats exactly what I did. I've been lucky enough to find someone who truely loves me with all his heart and really does want to marry me, I now thank god that I had the strength to walk away because I really couldnt see myself being married to my ex even after all the years we spent togeather, him not asking me sooner was really a blessing in disguise otherwise I would have married him and never have had the chance to be with the most wonderful man I now have in my life.

Answer 5

If you really want him to marry you, then ask him why he hasn't made that commitment yet, especially if he has been talking about it. And no offense, but buying a house together when you two aren't married isn't a very smart move. Not that it would happen, but it is always a possiblility that he can leave you with the bills, the mortgage...and any other expenses you might not be able to afford on your own.(or you could) I'd say wait until you two are married, or at least until you know for sure where you relationship is going. That way, if you're married and you buy the house together then legally if his name is on any paperwork he has to pay for it.

Answer 6

You've waited four years too long, already. You should never have moved in with him. That was the point in the relationship where he might have asked you to marry him, but you gave in so easily, there was no reason to. If you are foolish enough to buy a house with him without being married, it will probably never happen. Move out. If he is serious about staying together, it will happen. If he's not, you will have your answer, and will be able to move on with your life.

Answer 7

I think you're going to have to sit down and have another talk with him. Tell him how much you would like to get married since you both are going to the next level in your relationship by buying a house. Don't get angry with him or start a fight, just have a regular convocation about the matter. Get some girlfriends or family members to help drop the hint and the get him to do the right thing.
Maybe he doesn't want to get married just yet. He might have a logical reason for it. I mean, it can't be that he doesn't love you and want to spend the rest of his life with you... you're buying a house together It's pretty much a sure sign of commitment, but ask him why he doesn't want to make it official.
I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 8

I'm waiting for my partner to propose. I've picked out the ring (THE ring) and he's got the model no and all the specific details so he cana get me that exact one. I don't want him to propose in public cause i don't want to feel like everyone is looking at me (i don't like being the centre of attention). I want him to do something special, like run me a bath with candles for when I get home from work. Cook me something nice for tea with a glass of wine and put on some music. I'd like it to be romantic and private, and me and my father aren't on speaking terms, so at least we don't have to worry bout his permission - I couldn't care less if he approved or not x

Answer 9

I know how you feel, I'm in the same boat. Only we're not living together, we talk about everything, but there's still no ring. Tell him what's on your mind, that you think there's something up, and if he gives you some excuse, go stay with a relative for a few days. It's drastic, but he's gotta learn to commit.
It sounds like he's ready to live with you, but not ready to get married, on a maturity level. I tell my boyfriend all the time no ringy, no dingy. If he wants to have a committed relationship, then he's got to follow through on his word.

Answer 10

Amy,

I am not sure whether you are a religious person or not, but my best advice is to pray and ask God for confirmation whether or not he is "the one." It is hard to saty in relationships when there is not concrete evidence of getting married. Also, like others have suggested, talk about it. Let him understand that you love him, want to be with him, but buying a house is an enormous endeavor to embark on together, especially when you aren't married. I know you probably have already asked yourself this, but if you break up who gets the house? How do you determine who pays what? There is a lot to gain if you are certain about things. Remember this, no matter what, have a backup plan. Those who fail to plan plan to fail. Good luck!!